World class excuse needed.

jister

I have been badgered / harassed to go to an in-laws partners upcoming stag weekend. I really don't want to go because its 2 nights away from home and I will need to cross the country to Dublin, pay for petrol, hotel, dinner, beer etc. and will cost me a fortune. Besides I don't know anybody, only met the guy once.

I need a world class last minute excuse not to go.

Anyone got a bright idea?

Hagar

What do you do for a living? Could you be "on-call" that weekend?

Red Alert

Food poisoning is always a good one, or you could just be honest and say you don't have the time/money whatever.

Beruthiel

all I would say under such circumstances is, 'sorry can't make it' - don't see the need or fuss for much more.
I don't get how people just can't say no

jister

Beruthiel wrote:

I don't get how people just can't say no

I did say no, about 50 times, but I was put under pressure, complicated family circumstances and all that.

When I say no to my wife but she passes on the message that I am going then it gets awkward.

The communication was channeled Me-Wife-Sister in Law-Fiancee

To be honest I don't think there will be many there and they want me to make up the numbers.

Red Alert

Your wife shouldn't be making these sorts of decisions for definite without telling you. Some people are just like that I guess, does she feel under pressure or is she putting the pressure on you?

Zulu

jister wrote:

When I say no to my wife but she passes on the message that I am going then it gets awkward.

Without meaning to cause a domestic, shouldn't you just say "No - I said no, I'm not going" and let your wife sort out the problem - which, lets face it, she's created.
The foot should firmly go down.

jister

No joking, but this wedding is gonna cost me about €2k.

€350 for stag weekend
€350 for hen weekend
€200 for hotel room
€200 for suit
€250 for present
€200 for drink on the day

Allow €450 to cover phonecalls, shoes, hair and all the other sh1t thats involved.

seamus

In those circumstances, I'd only go if the guy was stuck for people (No-one wants to see a stag without many mates). TBH, I'd just say either, "I can't afford it", or "I'm not in the humour" and leave it at that.

Beruthiel

jister wrote:

When I say no to my wife but she passes on the message that I am going then it gets awkward.

my partner would never dare to do that, he knows better, when I say no I mean it.
sorry, but your mrs needs to be told, and if she has already said yes on your behalf when you stated no, then it's her problem to come up with an excuse, not yours
time to grow a pair mate....

seamus

Beruthiel wrote:

sorry, but your mrs needs to be told, and if she has already said yes on your behalf when you stated no, then it's her problem to come up with an excuse, not yours

Yep. If she pleads "but I already told them you're going" then just say that's not your problem.

skywalker

I suppose from the wifes point of view its her sisters future husbands stag do (if Ive worked out the relationships correctly) & she wants you to get along with your future brother in law. Doesnt excuse her saying yes after you've said no though. Its up to her to sort it if you dont want to.

You could always just say youd rather not go in case any stag like behaviour gets out of hand so you will have no knowledge of it & cant accidentally pass it on to sister in law. That should scare off the potential stag.

shakaman

To answer the original question, how about gettin one of your own family to call you up and pretend you're needed to sort out an emergency plumbing situation (ok you might not be a DIY supremo or anything but change the excuse to fit where suits...babysitting, anniversary etc!). She's not gonna fall for an excuse made up by yourself as it would obviously be a ploy to pull out of the stag weekend, but one sprung by your sis/bro would work a treat!

annR

I hate this kind of thing and I think 'no I can't afford it' is a perfectly reasonable response. I wouldn't let yourself be cajoled into this, it's inexcusable to keep on at someone to go to something they don't want to go to.

LegacyUser

You say yourself you've met the guy once.**** him, basically, you don't have to go and you won't be missed either, don't let those women in your life worry you about something thats not a big deal at all!

mountainyman

Are you sure the feeling isn't mutual? You know that the future brother in law has been told to invite you?

Don't go, you can't go on a stag where you don't know anyone.

MM

jister

Thanks for all the suggestions folks but this one is really awkward. I can't tell my wife I can't afford it, because I can really, its just a waste of money. I already said no, I often say no to these mad cap ideas and take the heat for a couple of days but this one coud get right bitter and they don't want to ruin the wedding, which already has enough problems with guest list etc.

I told her my brother wasn't available to babysit but he had already told her he was ok to do it.

slumped

I agree with all posts above. Stags/Hens are WAY to expensive.

I'm getting married next year, wedding will probably cost 30k including the honeymoon. I don;t see the point in asking friends to fork out lots of money for a piss up just for the sake of it.

Tell her NO - excuses are lame. You need a reason, and the valid reason is that it's too damn expensive for both of you to be away and that by not going, you and your wife will be able to afford a holiday together later in the year.

If you put it to her like that (you would rather spend a weekend with her) then she will come around.

S

RE*AC*TOR

To OP:

I'd say illness is the only valid excuse. Now how you go about convincing those you need to convince that you are really ill is up to you. Perhaps hang around a lot of ill people - hospitals have lots of them. Eventually something will rub off (hopefully not MRSA).

Beruthiel

jister wrote:

this one coud get right bitter and they don't want to ruin the wedding, which already has enough problems with guest list etc..

ruin the wedding????
sorry, but you are coming across as a drama queen now.
again, you need to talk to your wife about making decisions on your behalf, once you sort that one out, you shouldn't have this problem again

jister

Beruthiel wrote:

ruin the wedding????
sorry, but you are coming across as a drama queen now.

You don't know the half of it, believe me, but there are a lot of knifedges involved here, and I am not being OTT, I don't want to elaborate on it any more.

Eastenders could knock a weeks worth of storylines out of it.

jister

slumped wrote:

I don;t see the point in asking friends to fork out lots of money for a piss up just for the sake of it.

Thats up to yourself and your friends to decide and you are being allowed to make the decision.

I don't think your wife and the girlies should have any input into the stag night, its none of their business. This is the problem here, the girlies are trying to organise the stag, book hotels etc. etc. The stag himself might not want me there?

None of my wifes family were anywhere near my stag.

Miss Fluff

Beruthiel wrote:

I don't get how people just can't say no

Agreed. The beauty of growing up and not being a child anymore is that you don't HAVE to do anything. You're not 12. You're an adult and should be capable of making your own decisions. You don't want to partake in some organised fun with random punters and spend a fortune in the process?
Say thanks but no thanks, have paint I need to watch dry, Cheers

The_B_Man

ye man just go, be social. If this bloke is marryin ur sister in law and the sisters spend a lot of time together, chanves are you'll spenmd a lot of time wit this bloke. just go now, make friends with him, have a good time and keep shtum about wat happens that night after all, u sed u can afford it. u only live once! stop bein a girl wit your drama and celebrate with the man!

[Jackass]

jister wrote:

€350 for stag weekend
€350 for hen weekend
€200 for hotel room
€200 for suit
€250 for present
€200 for drink on the day

Not fighting with the wife - Priceless.

There are somethings in life money can't buy....for everything else, there's master card.
So why don't you just go and have a laugh...It's a night out ffs, and you sound like you could use one.

If there's so much drama in the familly, just go with the flow...have your few beers and enjoy yourself....

If not going could cause so many problems that it can threaten the marrage, have major domestics etc. etc. , plus this guy dosen't have many friends....Jesus dude! Stop being so selfish!! It's the biggest event of his life...everyone obviously needs you to go along, just go!! What's the big deal?
If you ask me, by the sounds of things, the easiest thing to do would be to go.

dudara

When I say no to my wife but she passes on the message that I am going then it gets awkward.

I realise from your posts that there are other issues involved that we don't know about, but that one statement above has me shaking my head. She really should know what she can and cannot promise on your behalf.

Is the stag abroad? You could suddenly discover your passport has "expired"

Dellgirl

[PHP]Quote:
Originally Posted by jister
€350 for stag weekend
€350 for hen weekend
€200 for hotel room
€200 for suit
€250 for present
€200 for drink on the day



Not fighting with the wife - Priceless.[/PHP]

Off topic...but.......best post all week!

Jivin Turkey

Remove women from the equation. You contact the stag himself, tell him on the phone you cant make it, if he's only met you once he won't lose that much sleep, it will be an easy "Oh Im sorry man" followed by "Oh dont worry about it" then a small pause "See you at the wedding".

Problem solved.

Third_Echelon

Jivin Turkey wrote:

Remove women from the equation. You contact the stag himself, tell him on the phone you cant make it, if he's only met you once he won't lose that much sleep, it will be an easy "Oh Im sorry man" followed by "Oh dont worry about it" then a small pause "See you at the wedding".

Problem solved.

yeah best suggestion so far in this thread.... blokes dont worry about the whole 'drama' that women attach to these type of situations....

Just say you cant make it. He's not going to ask beyond your initial excuse if he's only met you once....

The Sweeper

...and furthermore you'll probably find out that he couldn't give a sh1te whether or not you're there...

120_Minutes

dudara wrote:

I realise from your posts that there are other issues involved that we don't know about, but that one statement above has me shaking my head. She really should know what she can and cannot promise on your behalf.

I agree, if you dont stand up to her now, and grow a pair, she'll control you for the rest of your life.

Heres a way to wriggle out of it, by her logic if she can say yes on your behalf, she can damn well pay your share too, that'll shut her up (unless she takes all your money as it is)

Stand your ground, tell her your not going, once she already said yes, you became exempt from all blame, its her problem now. she lied to her sister and fiance, remind her of that.

LegacyUser

There is no dilemma here, just do as previously suggested and call the guy saying you can't go for whatever crappy reason. Sounds like you've gotten used to your wife making you do things you don't want to.

the situation and think that if you wanted HER to go against her will and spend a ****load of HER money for some stranger's party, what would she do? From the impression you've given of her, you'd probably be told where to stick it...

Or could it just be that you have no b@lls ?

Victor

Perhaps you should having some sort of bonding with your future family?

jister wrote:

I have been badgered / harassed to go to an in-laws partners upcoming stag weekend. I really don't want to go because its 2 nights away from home and I will need to cross the country to Dublin, pay for petrol, hotel, dinner, beer etc. and will cost me a fortune. Besides I don't know anybody, only met the guy once.

Invite them to have the stag in your home town, tell them they can crash in your place. The risk of having a dozen drunk, obnoxios, randy men show up on you wife's doorstep at 5am may change her mind.

Of course there is the risk that you are being added to the list so (a) you can be pressured to rat on the lads, (b) your wife can go to the hen night.

You might have forgotten to cost in babysitters.