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Newbie Survivalist Guide

  • 20-09-2001 12:57pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭


    From research gained in the admin forum, by the gracious sacrafice of all respect, intellegence, and yes even a rhombus, Relative has highlighted an important aspect of the boards that must be explain to newbies (myself included).

    Any advice for this new online guide?

    I was thinking with starting with, don't insult ppl with more stars than you, esp if they flash :D


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 79 ✭✭Alis


    You know the way people say "God loves a trier, but he hates an arshole". Could the same be said about the boards gods?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,264 ✭✭✭✭Hobbes


    - Try not to have an opinion until you can find someone with less stars then you? :)

    - amp test occasionally.

    - Ban Castor Troy.

    - Don't point out the joke about WWMan being in charge of a forum called "Work".

    - Devore is like a sleeping bear. Takes a lot to annoy but once you have him woken him it is best to run.

    - Don't post crap on the Humanities board (try after hours first).

    - Stay out of certain boards unless you have reason to be there (eg. CTYI).

    - Those people who have no registered date could care less about stars, post counts or how important you think you should be.

    - try not to "Hack teh planet!" on the security board. There is always someone there l44ter then you.

    - Don't talk about BH on CounterStrike forum.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    - always make yourself known by putting up a great debate under the worst circumstances possible to let people know you have a brain (ie, try and defend rnagers in a country full of celtic supporters)

    - always read a thread before adding your opinion.

    - stop cut and pasting, thats my job

    - stop being annoying, that is also my job

    - only post real crap when you have met more than 10% of the boards.

    -make little posts and make in-jokes. the more in-jokes you make (and point them out) other people will think you are well known, isnt that right hobbes (haha, remember the tin foil axe and damo <-in joke)

    - amp test occasionally.

    - call devore a facist ogre at least once a week, but only when you have met him and he knows your sense of humour, then youre really in the 'in-crowd'

    -try to have played quake about 3 years ago. failing that try to have played q2. the huimour value of that will giev the lads a reason to feel pity on you and take you under their wing.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,316 ✭✭✭ButcherOfNog


    i smite thee down with my trusty something or other


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭MindPhuck


    - Play Quake
    - Laugh at least once a week at q2 players
    - Giggle at tribes players (sny remarks welcome)
    - Sigh at CS players
    - Pretend you know who Lakerman, Xenon and Thresh are, (even personally if u like)
    - Play Quake


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    Originally posted by MindPhuck
    - Play Quake
    - Laugh at least once a week at q2 players
    - Giggle at tribes players (sny remarks welcome)
    - Sigh at CS players
    - Pretend you know who Lakerman, Xenon and Thresh are, (even personally if u like)
    - Play Quake

    roflol
    here endith the lesson


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,446 ✭✭✭✭amp


    BEHOLD MY MANEFESTO FOR WORLD DOMINATION OR SOMETHING!:

    -try not to overuse smilies, pictures and the use of bold, italics or colour. It just makes you look like a tart.

    -when replying, do you feel angry? Stop a while, make some tea, calm down then reply (or don't). Otherwise your just another troll statistic.

    -vbulletin is a large program with lots of features and things that can be tweaked and changed within limitations.

    -BAN CASTOR TROY

    -Each and every post you make is special

    -Flames make the baby Jesus cry

    -amp test occasionally

    -Ignoring people is an immensely powerful thing

    -Slagging people for spelling/grammar mistakes is rarely funny and makes you look like a nerd. Be aware that you maybe slagging a dyslexic. (Unless it's in Programming, in which case you know you're a nerd anyway and don't care)

    -On the flip side posting some severely grammatically/badly spelled posts makes it hard for people to read it.

    -Beware of posting huge posts. While they may contain lots of important stuff, people get bored easily. Can you boil that paragraph down into a sentence? If not then break the post into logical paragraphs.

    -Talking in l33tspeak or having a l33t name like 5UP3RH@xOR should only be used if your B3I|\|6 |R0|\|IC

    -If your not entirely sure what you're talking about then use lots of open words like "maybe, IMHO, possibly" etc this way people find it hard to pick at your post. On other hand if you probably shouldn't post anyway.

    -Lists are fun

    -If you really misbehave then Dev and others can track you down, find out where you work/live and make that information public. But only if you really, really are a complete muppet.

    -Try to stay at least vaguely on topic

    -Break the rules ONLY IF IT'S FUNNY!

    -Remember that the boards could in theory be shut down by a lawyer claiming that warez/pr0n/bad language is prevalent on it. SO DON'T POST ANY YOU FÚCKWIT!!

    Glossary

    Muppet - a derogatory term for a member who annoys people
    IM[H]O - In my [humble] opinion
    Flame - an attack or heated argument
    l33t - someone who has sk!llz
    sk!llz - see l33t
    FAQ - Frequently Asked questions. It's funny when you tell people to FAQ off!
    Dev - Fascist Ogre
    etc...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    amp test

    is this really nesseccary.
    after all, you have a regeistered date, and i dont
    i should probably have more stars than you.
    i am more beautiful than you, and your massive penis has nothing to do with these boards......


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,446 ✭✭✭✭amp


    Oh I missed one:

    -If one of your mates keeps stalking you around the boards making wierd off-topic comments and keeps going on about penis' and suchlike, advise them to come out of the closet and be as one with their sexuality.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,458 ✭✭✭✭gandalf


    Yeah Amp considering he likes Rangers & Spurs as well so he must be a poof !!!!

    ;)

    Gandalf.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    First topic moved from wargames I think :)

    Shouldn't that be IM"H"O amp?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,025 ✭✭✭yellum


    Nice one fella !
    Some newbie faq would be good.
    Alis is good at doing faqs, she could do it !

    Damien.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 79 ✭✭Alis


    Yellum wrote:
    Alis is good at doing faqs, she could do it !
    Is there a conspiracy to get me writing FAQ? I'm already doing the Open ones this weekend ;)

    I think I'm safe from being given the task of doing this community's FAQ though. The Clique would never leave such an important task to a newbie like myself :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,046 ✭✭✭Dustaz


    Originally posted by amp
    BEHOLD MY MANEFESTO FOR WORLD DOMINATION OR SOMETHING!:

    -try not to overuse smilies, pictures and the use of bold, italics or colour. It just makes you look like a tart.

    -when replying, do you feel angry? Stop a while, make some tea, calm down then reply (or don't). Otherwise your just another troll statistic.

    -vbulletin is a large program with lots of features and things that can be tweaked and changed within limitations.

    -BAN CASTOR TROY

    -Each and every post you make is special

    -Flames make the baby Jesus cry

    -amp test occasionally

    -Ignoring people is an immensely powerful thing

    -Slagging people for spelling/grammar mistakes is rarely funny and makes you look like a nerd. Be aware that you maybe slagging a dyslexic. (Unless it's in Programming, in which case you know you're a nerd anyway and don't care)

    -On the flip side posting some severely grammatically/badly spelled posts makes it hard for people to read it.

    -Beware of posting huge posts. While they may contain lots of important stuff, people get bored easily. Can you boil that paragraph down into a sentence? If not then break the post into logical paragraphs.

    -Talking in l33tspeak or having a l33t name like 5UP3RH@xOR should only be used if your B3I|\|6 |R0|\|IC

    -If your not entirely sure what you're talking about then use lots of open words like "maybe, IMHO, possibly" etc this way people find it hard to pick at your post. On other hand if you probably shouldn't post anyway.

    -Lists are fun

    -If you really misbehave then Dev and others can track you down, find out where you work/live and make that information public. But only if you really, really are a complete muppet.

    -Try to stay at least vaguely on topic

    -Break the rules ONLY IF IT'S FUNNY!

    -Remember that the boards could in theory be shut down by a lawyer claiming that warez/pr0n/bad language is prevalent on it. SO DON'T POST ANY YOU FÚCKWIT!!




    but TRUST me on the sunscreen

    - Never quote enormous posts just to put in a one or two line reply, its neither funny nor clever......


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,025 ✭✭✭yellum


    Alis is right. The FAQ should be done by someone thats been around the boards block for a while.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,446 ✭✭✭✭amp


    Originally posted by nesf
    First topic moved from wargames I think :)

    Shouldn't that be IM"H"O amp?

    Shut up.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    Originally posted by amp


    Shut up.

    Ok then.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,859 ✭✭✭logic1


    Jesus and Mary.

    The newbies would never read it anyway. It'd only be fun for the regulars to read. The newbies would come along and say things like "There should be a FAQ for here... oh there is? Well can you read it to me?"

    or something...

    .logic.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,413 ✭✭✭✭Trojan




  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,393 ✭✭✭Jaden


    Some more:

    - NEVER write anything and expect that Hobbes will not read it within thirty seconds of posting.

    - Amp test for at least five minutes every morning and night, and after meals.

    - Remember that even WWM was once a newbie muppet who played Q2 in software mode. Blonde hair and rugby top photos can be found, try dearching google for "Kinky Male Lolita". (Bonus points for in joke).

    - Anything more than 10 smilies in your post, and chances are that it's complete drivel.

    - Never trust a moderator who has a registration date. They are newbies and muppets. If you weren't playing Quake on-line at least 2 or 3 years ago, than you were either A) Not on-line, making you a newbie, or B) A Muppet who was too busy using his bandwidth to download Donkey Bondage Porn.

    - Ignore anything posted by Castor Troy. He has deep rooted anger issues, stemming from years of abuse suffered as a Q2 player.

    - Ignore anything posted by Trojan. He's pissed as a fart most of the time.

    - Remember that 90% of CS players are under 14 years of old, male, and pumped full of pubic hormones. Flames about Buffy are to be posted at your peril.

    - Remember that 90% of Quake players are twice as old, twice as sarcastic, and sneer at CS players for playing a pansy game. (But play it themselves).

    - Remember that Quake players own CS players big time. This is easy to prove. Take a good CS player, give him choice of teams, $16,000, and his choice of map. Give a Quake player no money, RA, RL and Quad. See who wins.

    - Stars work the same way they did in primary school, more means smarter. Twinkley ones mean much better. (CS players should have little difficulty in remembering primary school).

    - Cool avatars, Stars or post count doesn't matter squat to a "Jan 1970".

    - Don't fret if either MindPhuck or Devore post dramatic resignations, detailing how sick they are of whiners and moaners. This is a common occurance, and helps the rest of us to appreciate them more.

    - Steer clear of Zero, he has an unhealthy obsession with mullets. It's sad really.

    - It takes maybe a hundred intelligent posts to be considered a respected member of the community, but only one bad one to be branded a muppet for all eternity.

    Amen.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,494 ✭✭✭kayos


    - NEVER write anything and expect that Hobbes will not read it within thirty seconds of posting.

    Also never get into a heated debate it just goes on and on and on some like the enigiser bunny
    - Don't fret if either MindPhuck or Devore post dramatic resignations, detailing how sick they are of whiners and moaners. This is a common occurance, and helps the rest of us to appreciate them more.

    Also dont tell MindPhuck to F u c k off back to CS on the quake board
    - Never trust a moderator who has a registration date. They are newbies and muppets. If you weren't playing Quake on-line at least 2 or 3 years ago, than you were either A) Not on-line, making you a newbie, or B) A Muppet who was too busy using his bandwidth to download Donkey Bondage Porn.
    I take this as a personel insult I have a reg date but I was playing Quake over 2-3 years ago (AFAIK I just missed not getting a reg date)
    - Anything more than 10 smilies in your post, and chances are that it's complete drivel.
    [note] I was going to put in 11 smiles but it wont let you :( [/note]
    Drivel Drivel :D

    Oh ya and one final thing if you ever get stopped by the Garda and get asked the question "Do you know why we stopped you?" Always answer "Because you could'nt catch the Celica"

    :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,413 ✭✭✭✭Trojan


    That's unfair to pissed farts everywhere Rob...

    - don't mention *that* bottle of whiskey

    - don't mention how Ronan nearly got it shut down in 98

    - don't call Jan 1970ers by their quake name, you should know their real one

    -don't complain that you "just missed" a Jan 1970 date, we all know that you're a newbie ;)

    Al.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭MindPhuck


    - Steer clear of Zero, he has an unhealthy obsession with mullets. It's sad really.

    ROFFLE


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,264 ✭✭✭✭Hobbes


    Originally posted by kayos

    Also never get into a heated debate it just goes on and on and on some like the enigiser bunny

    You also forgot the bit where you finally agree with me, I'll change my mind. :p


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,413 ✭✭✭✭Trojan


    Originally posted by MindPhuck
    - Steer clear of Zero, he has an unhealthy obsession with mullets. It's sad really.

    ROFFLE

    And sure you're someone to be talking alright Eric...

    Al.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    never call minpphuck a <unt when he asks you too.
    he may just hit you like the biatch you are.....


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭MindPhuck


    Oh my!

    BOLD! Eamon!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Originally posted by amp


    Shut up.

    (Amp test)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,274 ✭✭✭Monty - the one and only


    Originally posted by Hobbes


    - Don't post crap on the Humanities board (try after hours first).


    :rolleyes:

    Hmmm...that would not be wise.


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