Tube Announcements

Enygma

ACTUAL ANNOUNCEMENTS FROM THE TUBE
(no kidding, they're real):

"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat
trying to get on the second
carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the
doors' don't you
understand?"

"At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday
afternoon):
'Please let the passengers off the train first.
Please let the passengers off the train first.
Please let the passengers off the train first.
Let the passengers off the train FIRST! Oh go
on then, stuff
yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I'm
going home."


Driver: "I apologise for the delay leaving the
station ladies and gentlemen, this is due to a
passenger masturbating on the train at Edgware Road.
Someone has activated the alarm and he is being removed
from the train."

"Ladies and Gentlemen do you want the good news
first or the bad news?" The good news is that last
Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a
great time. I felt sadly let down by the fact that
none of you sent me a card! I drive you to work and
home each day and not even a card. The bad news is that
there is a point's failure somewhere between Stratford
and East Ham, which means that we probably won't reach
our destination. We may have to stop and return. I
won't reverse back up the line simply get out walk up
the platform and go back to where we started. In
the mean time if you get bored you can simply talk to
the man in front or beside you or opposite you. Let me
start you off: "Hi, my name's Gary how do you do?"


"Your delay this evening is caused by the line
controller suffering from elbow and backside
syndrome -not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll
let you know any further information as soon as I'm
given any".

"Please mind the closing doors..."
The doors close...The doors reopen.
"Passengers are reminded that the big red
slidey things on the side of the train are called the
doors. Let's try it again. Please stand clear of the
doors."
The doors close...
"Thank you."

"I am sorry about the delay, apparently some
nutter has just wondered into the tunnel at Euston. We
don't know when we'll be moving again, but these
people tend to come out pretty quickly...usually in bits."

Chris_533976

Nice one....

Dr. Loon

That's a nice rediculously large sig you have there Chris. Well done!