a couple of jokes

adnans

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* WARNING EXPLICIT CONTENT * WARNING EXPLICIT CONTENT * * WARNING EXPLICIT CONTENT * WARNING EXPLICIT CONTENT *

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Blonde, brunette and ginger secretaries finish their ciggies and go back into the office building, and get into the lift.
Ginger spots a little milky pool on the floor, and bends down to have a closer look.
"That looks like spunk" she says.
Brunette bends down even further, and has a sniff of the liquid.
"uggghhh - smells like spunk too!!!"
Blonde bends down, sticks her finger in the goo and tastes it.
"Well it's nobody in our building...."

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Alex Ferguson calls David Beckham into his office. 'David,' he says, 'I'm worried about your performance the last few games. You've been fucking hopeless, completely off form.'

'Sorry, boss', says David. 'I've not been myself lately. I've got a few problems at home.' 'Oh dear,' says Ferguson, pretending to care. 'What's up? Posh and Brooklyn okay?

'Oh they're fine', says David. 'It's just that something's really bugging me and I'm losing sleep and everything. I can't concentrate on my football and it's really messing me head up.'

'Whatever's the matter, son?' says Fergie.

'Well, boss', says David, 'it's pretty serious. Victoria bought this jigsaw puzzle the other day and.....'. 'A fcuking jigsaw?!!!' shouts Sir Alex. 'You're playing shite because of a fucking jigsaw?!!!'

'Yeah boss, but you don't understand, it's really doing my head in!' says David. 'It's really hard, it's this picture of a tiger and it looks really easy on the box and I'm sure I've got all the bits and everything but I just can't get it right and it's doing my head in and, and...'

'David, David, David,' says Ferguson. 'You better get a grip son, and quick!!!'

'OK, boss, OK,' says David, 'but.........it's this picture of a tiger and
it looks really easy on the box and I'm sure I've got all the bits and everything but I can't do it and it's doing my head in and........and........and it's a tiger and it looks easy.......and I can't
make the bits fit and, it's really hard, and er, sorry boss and, er, it's a tiger, er,... on the box...er.......sorry boss.'

'OK, OK, OK,' says Sir Alex, 'Bring the jigsaw in and let's have a look at it, it can't be that difficult'. 'Oh thanks, boss,' says David.

So the next David brings the jigsaw into Ferguson's office. 'Here it is, boss.' he says, showing Ferguson the picture on the box. 'Look, boss, it's this tiger, right, and it's a really good picture and everything but I just can't do it and it's really hard and it's doing my head in and it's this picture here of a tiger,' and Beckham empties all the pieces from the box all over Ferguson's desk.

Ferguson looks at what's on his desk, looks up with his head in his hands and says to Beckham...................

'David, put the f**king Frosties back in the box.'

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*Newsflash*
Essex girl found alive in the rubble of the twin towers, covered in blood. When asked "Where are you bleeding from?", she replied,
"Romford, you c**t"

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Q: How many graphic designers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: F**K OFF, I'm not changing anything

(my favourite)

adnans

<edited because WE HAVE A CENSOR>

Mr.Applepie

Hehe funny! damn kharn and his censoring!