Some Funnies............

Yo Mamma

1: Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie,out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me." Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter pilot. When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre, what are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter pilot, and when I have white meat, I like to have white wine." They resume their passionate interlude and Marie begins to pant with excitement. She leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He lights a match and puts it to the Cognac. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?!" Pierre strikes an heroic pose and proclaims, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot, if I go down, I go down in flames!"

2: Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom & stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses.The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead. " Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

3: John O'Riley was a member of an Irish Toast Masters Club and one evening at the local Irish Toast Masters meeting, a contest was held to see who could deliver the best toast. Well, John O'Riley won the contest for the best toast of the evening, "Here's to the best years o' me life, spent between the legs o' me wife."
When John O'Riley arrived home his beautiful wife asked him how the Toast Meeting went and he said, "I won the contest for the best toast of the evening. His wife then asked him what his toast was, and he said, "Here's to the best years o' me life, spent in church wi' me wife."
His wife then said, "Why John, that's so nice of you to include me in your Toast." The nex morning, Mrs. O'Riley was downtown shopping and ran into the local policeman who was also at the Toast Masters meeting the night before with John. He said, "Hello Mrs. O'Riley, that was a great toast that your husband gave at the meeting last evening. He won first prize."
"Yes, that's right, said Mrs. O'Riley, "but he wasn't quite honest with the facts, he's only been there twice, the first time he fell asleep and the second time I had to pull him out by the ears."

Vikktakkht

Couple of good ones there.. 1 & 3....LOL

The second' been posted here recently though

strat

rofl!! @ 1
heh @2
lol @3