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  • 09-01-2002 10:33am
    #1
    Zoot
    Registered Users Posts: 117 ✭✭


    These may have been posted before - some of them, are very funny though.


    Top 10 Reasons for being French

    1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
    2. Get to experience the joy of winning the World Cup for the first time.
    3. You get to eat food like snails and frog's legs.
    4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
    5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films.
    6. You can test your nuclear weapons in other peoples countries.
    7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
    8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride.
    9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just piss in the street.
    10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not.


    Top 10 Reasons for being American

    1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
    2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
    3. You can call Budweiser beer.
    4. You can be a crook and still be president.
    5. If you have enough money you can be elected to do anything.
    6. If you can breath you can get a gun.
    7. You can invent a new public holiday every year.
    8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
    9. You get to call everyone you've ever met "Buddy".
    10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
    11. When you're not.
    12. At all.


    Top 10 Reasons for being English

    1. Two World Wars and one World Cup doo-dah, doo-dah.
    2. Warm beer.
    3. A fair, unbiased and easy going police force.
    4. A fair, unbiased and easy going justice system.
    5. Union/Jack underpants.
    6. Water shortages guaranteed every summer.
    7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
    8. Bathing once a week whether you need it or not.
    9. Ditto changing underwear.
    10. Mark Morrisson does community service here.


    Top 10 Reasons for being Italian

    1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
    2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
    3. No need to worry about tax returns.
    4. Glorious military history... well, until about 400ad.
    5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
    6. Political stability.
    7. Flexible working hours.
    8. Live near the pope,
    9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
    10. Country run by Sicilian murderers.


    Top 10 Reasons for being Spanish

    1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
    2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
    3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits, etc.
    4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
    5. Everyone else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
    6. Honesty.
    7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
    8. You get to eat bull's testicles.
    9. Gibraltar.
    10. Supported Argentina during the Falklands war.


    Top 10 Reasons for being German

    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
    5.
    6.
    7.
    8.
    9.
    10. Good organisers.


    Top 10 Reasons for being Indian

    1. Chicken Madras.
    2. Lamb Passanda.
    3. Onion Bhaji.
    4. Bombay potato.
    5. Chicken Tikka Masala.
    6. Rogan Josh.
    7. Popadoms.
    8. Chicken Dopiaza.
    9. Meat Boona.
    10. Cobra lager.


    Top 10 Reasons for being Irish

    1. Guinness.
    2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
    3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
    4. Pubs never close.
    5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on.
    6. No one can ever remember the night before.
    7. You can kill people you don't agree with, and get away with it - scot free!
    8. Stew.
    9. More Guinness.
    10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3am in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.


    Top 10 Reasons for being Canadian

    1. It beats being American.
    2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn it's capital to the ground.
    3. You can play hockey 12 months of the year, outdoors.
    4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn it's capital to the ground.
    5. Where else could you travel over 100 miles of fresh water in a canoe?
    6. A political leader who will admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
    7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn it's capital to the ground.
    8. Kill grizzly bears with huge f@#k-off shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
    9. Own an Eskimo scheme.
    10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn it's capital to the ground.


    Top 10 Reasons for being Australian

    1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no civilised nation on earth wanted.
    2. XXXX Lager.
    3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
    4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket.
    5. Tact and sensitivity.
    6. Bondi beach.
    7. Other beaches.
    8. Liberated attitude towards homosexuals.
    9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
    10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink cold lager on the beach with a sanger.


    Top 10 reasons for being Dutch

    1. Coffee shops.
    2. I forget.
    3. It's all a haze.
    4. Where am I??
    5. Spinning out now.
    6. I feel sick.
    7. Oh you're rolling another?
    8. "Heeey, Engliscsh! Exsctasiiiiis?"
    9. "Geeev me your wallet...."
    10. "Did anyone help you pack your luggage, sir?"


Comments

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    #2
    Mr.Applepie
    Registered Users Posts: 2,079 ✭✭✭Mr.Applepie


    I sensed sarcasm in that post
    4. Pubs never close.

    one can dream i suppose


  • Options
    #3
    WhiteWashMan
    Registered Users Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    hehehehehe, nice one.

    very funny.


  • Options
    #4
    Pugsley
    Registered Users Posts: 7,136 ✭✭✭Pugsley


    Hehe,india, german and Canadian 1s are funny :)


  • Options
    #5
    Sangre
    Registered Users Posts: 12,154 ✭✭✭✭Sangre


    Originally posted by Zoot
    These may have been posted before - some of them, are very funny though.

    Top 10 Reasons for being American

    1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
    2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
    3. You can call Budweiser beer.
    4. You can be a crook and still be president.
    5. If you have enough money you can be elected to do anything.
    6. If you can breath you can get a gun.
    7. You can invent a new public holiday every year.
    8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
    9. You get to call everyone you've ever met "Buddy".
    10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
    11. When you're not.
    12. At all.


    I really dont think the americans deserve 12 reasons and shouldnt it good from 10 to 1?
    But n1 on canada and germany


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