Beyond The M50.. A guide to rural driving in Ireland

Occidental

GENERAL RULES

All driving in Ireland should be conducted at speeds below 30MPH or above 60MPH

In conditions of ice, rain or fog these speeds are revised to below 20MPH or above 70MPH

Rural journeys of under 1 mile should be conducted at an average speed in excess of 80MPH

Hazard lights absolve you of all responsibility and provide immunity from prosecution

Befriend you local Gardai


JUNCTIONS

No indicators should be used prior to reaching a junction.

If two lanes available, attempt to block both lanes

While indicating is to be frowned upon, if you feel you must, then please indicate only when you have commenced the turn.

If parking on a junction, please show courtesy by using you hazard lights.


ROUNDABOUTS

No indication of direction should be given prior to reaching a roundabout.

Once on the roundabout the following rules apply:
Left Turn - Do not indicate
Straight Ahead - Indicate right
Right Turn - Do not indicate

If time permits, a full lap of the roundabout is common practice

Mini Roundabouts can be disregarded, as they are not proper roundabouts and anybody treating them as such will only cause an accident.

Parking on a roundabout is pushing your luck


FOG LAMPS

Front fog lamps are something you have paid for and therefore should be used at all times. In many areas they are also considered sports lights and can be used for attracting women, sheep, rabbits etc.

Rear fog lamps should be used whenever visibility decreases below 5 miles. Following use of rear fog lamps, it is entirely acceptable to forget to switch them off for at least the next 2 days.


DRIVING AT NIGHT

Always drive with full beams and front fog lights.

When approaching oncoming traffic, only lower your beams once you have successfully blinded the oncoming driver.



PARKING AND STOPPING FOR A CHAT

Stopping for a chat on the road is fully acceptable and is an important part of our rural heritage. Anyone objecting to this is a tourist.

Where provided, car parks should not be used. If you must use a car park, you should block at least two spaces or preferably park sideways.

'No Parking' signs and yellow lines do not apply to locals

Parking two deep in towns is normal practice and requires no explanation

If parking three deep, hazard lights may be used for courtesy.

seamus

Rofl!! I spent 6 months driving 30 miles down the N81 twice a day, and that is so damn true!!! :D

strat

funny cause its true

nanook

HEY !!!!!!!!

where did you find my rules of the road. I come from leitrim and every rule you have just given there is so true, but you forgot one very important one

Traffic Lights

Totally disregard as there only use to is to use the county council budget for somthing.

Lump

HAR HAR HAR....... Nice one.


John

rymus

and what about that section specifically for car drivers

MOTORCYCLISTS

whenever possible, act like a complete bastard to anyone driving a 2 wheeled vehicle. Only exceptions to this are if the motorcyclist is carrying a firearm or doesnt care if they injure themselves as long as they take a lot of innocent people with them.

Due to motorcyclists paying less tax, insurance and have lower fuel expenses than you in your car, you are obliged to treat them like second class road users and they do not have the right to use the complete width of 1 traffic lane when driving on a dual carraigeway.

Indicating rules apply here also.


That section should be complete with a disclamer
*In the even that you follow the above and do inadvertantly annoy a biker, please understand that your punishment is at the discretion of the biker in question and you are subject to
1. savage beatings
2. removal of one or more limbs
3. removal of fingernails with pliers (why do you think bike toolkits come with pliers??)
4. destruction of your place of residence, car or any/all personal property
5. having your number plate 'blacklisted' so any biker, on sight of your car will perform any of the above.

That is all, go in peace