Dublin Bus

Figment

im collecting stories of peoples experiences while traveling on dublin bus.
Im sure most of you have funny, sad, scary stories from traveling to and from work each day. So move in closer, speak up and share with the group.

Headcase

i was getting the bus from heuston station to O'Connell street one day and the bus hit a taxi. bit of a surprises!

Dr. Loon

Nitelink.... sitting down the back with bunch of friends, girlfriend beside me, 2 lunatics start rumbling in the seat in front.... I'm sitting there laughin' as they smash glasses over each others heads and kick each other in the face right beside us. I was too drunk to give a shít, quite funny.

There's plenty of other stories - generally it's a loon on the bus.
A friend's sister, was on the bus when the driver (not his fault) hit a pedestrian, she felt the thump as the body went under the wheels, apparently there was blood all over the wind screen.... the driver was in serious shock :eek:

BattlingCheese

Have a gander at the forum here http://www.busrage.com/

Shiminay

Having complete strangers pass you a spliff on the 46a is always interesting...

There's nothing funnier than when the driver takes a wrong turn - happened on the 75 on my way to work one morning - it's supposed to go into the industrial estate in Sandyford and he didn't. 50 people screaming what an idiot he is brought an evil sneer to my face

TwoShedsJackson

On the Nitelink to Ballinteer years ago, just after the service started, about 3a.m. a girl at the front of the bus upstairs decides she can't wait any longer, hikes skirt up, knickers down, and has a nice satisfying shit on the floor. Charmed I'm sure

These days it's all knackers hassling anyone black as far as I can see.

MiCr0

there's a woman on the 150 route who eats here breakfast cereal on the bus in the morning. v.odd!

ramius

33 going through Lusk, narrow road just before turning at murrays pub and the left side of the bus started rubbing against the wall breaking the windows on the upper level, had to ages for another bus to come along to pick up everyone

ramius

I heard that it took a bus 3 hours to get from town to clondalkin one day last year,

seamus

Apparently on the 75 there's a handicapped guy who gets on every morning and sings the same song over and over (he plays it on his walkman as he sings) for the whole journey, and dances too. Sounds sad, but hey, he's happy
Mate of mine pretended to have some sort of fit upstairs on the last 65 into town one night. Cleared out the entire top floor, while we pi$$ed ourselves laughing.
Saw a guy pull a cigarette out of the mouth of the biggest scumbag ever. Was all talk, until the scumbag informed him that he was getting out at Pearse St! roflmao

Figment

brilliant, keep them coming.

leeroybrown

lol,

This is good shít!

T.G Catter

Between 10 and 12 there's always an influx of OAP's on the 19A, so one day i was headin into college and sat in one of the seats at the front of the bus.. This crowd of oaps get on, and start telling me how the youth of today have no respect for elders and those front seats are exclusively for over 60's.. I was glad when i got to Dcu. Talk about intimidation.. I never sit in the front seats anymore....:(

Baldy

I remember when i was about 11 my eldest sister and took the bus route which went through Darndale (dont ask me what she was thinking) which has now been cancelled. But as the bus pass a certain knacker encampment (i dont know which one so many to choose from) a brick was hurled through the window and hit a really fat lady. I late found out that that lady was pregnant and had a miscarriage (because of the shock i suppose) which is strange because it hit her in the legs.

Occidental

Single decker travelling on the Malahide road many moons ago. Pulling away from a set of lights, cement chute comes free from the cement truck in front, takes out drivers windscreen and leaves driver and bus showered in glass. After a few minutes to compose himself, driver continues route as normal to the terminus, before taking bus out of service.

As a schoolkid, 27A with driver who didn't know the route. No adults apart from driver on bus. We got him as far as Balgriffin (3 miles wrong direction and heading for Malahide) before some git at a bus stop pointed out the error of our ways.

Baldy

Oh yes the 33 bus route a quality one. This particular story was told to me by a rush woman i recently made the aquatance of.

The story goes that this lady and two friends were passing between the town of lusk and rush when a drunk managed to crawl upstairs, two or three stops after he got on the bus. Anyway the three were having a laugh when the drunk came up to this lady (Vicky) and started shouting at her to slag him to his face. Whether or not they were is another story. But the drunk emptied his can of Dutch Gold (a quality beer........lies) on Vicky and this started a fight as the bus driver wouldn't move the bus unless the drunk got off so some lads from Lusk bet the head off the drunk yobo until he left quite a funny story wish i had been there

Baldy

Originally posted by Occidental
Single decker travelling on the Malahide road many moons ago. Pulling away from a set of lights, cement chute comes free from the cement truck in front, takes out drivers windscreen and leaves driver and bus showered in glass. After a few minutes to compose himself, driver continues route as normal to the terminus, before taking bus out of service.

Ah you just cant beat the quality 42/42N route ah i'm going all nostalgic

Occidental

And one I forgot.

Old double decker with open platform at the back. Local hardman decides to leave the bus before it reaches the bus stop(this was a common practice, where you jumped and landed running) but just before hitting the ground, he impacts an ESB pole mid-flight. Much to the intrigue of everyone on the platform, we then watched as he slowly slides down the pole(cue Looney Tunes music) and ends up out cold on the ground, with his legs still wrapped around the pole.

Figment

what about stuff you have overheard on the bus?

Baldy

I once caught a bird rubbing her boyfriend on the bus. So as he began to pitch his tent I say aloud "Could you imagine gettin caught giving your boyfriend a **** on the bus" needless to say i laugh my ass off when notice that i had said this to my MALE friend

Da Bounca

I always enjoy it when drunk people fall down the flight of steps from the top floor.

Also, i remember one time when i was the one drunk(i think dbc was there too, drunk also), and there was a young woman sitting in front of use reading a book, abd i began to read from the page out loud. dbc was in hysterics while i just sat there with a level toned voice, reading calmly from some book about Celtic Dolmuns or something.

Architeckt

ah yes drunks fallin down the stairs. the last time I saw that happening he got arrested passing crumlin garda station after blaming everyone else on the bus first though.

seamus

I remember some guy talking unbelievably loudly on his mobile. It was at about 5 o clock when the bus was jammers and everyone was too wrecked and pissed-off to make any noise, so needless to say, he was all we could hear for about 15 mins. Then he goes;

'WHAT? WHAT!? I CAN'T HEAR A WORD YOU'RE SAYING!!'

And the entire top floor of the bus cracked up laughing. Needless to say he got off at the next stop, bright red

Figment

keep them coming.
Its all to gather information for an animation that im working on. Here is a rough screen of it.

Uphamizer

I was cueing up in a shop waiting to buy something as a bus stops outside, the doors open (no bus stop for 2-3 mins) the busdriver bursts out the door, runs into the shop pushes everyone out of the way and buys 20 smokes

Shinji

Wow, I can't wait to see the animation for Castor's story about the bird crapping on the floor...

Baldy

A lad i know also pissed in a plastic bag on the bus but he also wet himself in first year. So i dont know if this counts.

Puck

On the 56a in the morning and evening (when I was going to and from work) there was usually this aould git (about 60/70) who would always cough with his mouth wide open. It was one of those rotten coughs full of phlegm that only old heavy-smokers can manage. Anyway he would never ever cover his mouth and would be all the time it was disgusting.

When I used to get the 77 (always eventful) there awas always this nutter waiting at the bus stop . First he used to just walk up and down with a vacant smile on his face then he'd snap and just start pointing and shouting as if he was arguing with someone. It was a bit freaky at first and I didn't know whether to punch the guy or just edge slowly away from him and wait for the bus. After a while anyway I figured out he was just a bit of a "special case" so I ignored him but you'd see the new people jumping everytime he'd shout.

Dont be at yourself

my dad used to be a bus inspector... he kicked me and mates off the bus when we were like, 10 years old miles away from home!

A few weeks ago on my way to work someone rang the bell but the bus didn't stop. Bus driver said bell didn't ring because sign didn't light up. Driver won't stop for passenger. Passenger rings bell again but light doesn't light up. Driver doesn't stop. Passenger hits emergency button and hops off the bus. He didn't even thank the driver either!

SantaHoe

Originally posted by Clain
One evening an old man turned to me and started to give me riddles that would tell me his name (I didn't ask!) They were along the lines of 'I am younger than time, but older than the sea' and such. Nice.

Must have been Henry Kelly from Going for Gold... sounds like him anyway.

Funniest bus journey for me was when myself and a friend were slugging back on a 2Litre bottle of TK on the upper deck... one thing lead to another, the bottle slipped and fell (open) on the floor and guzzled out 2 litres of the fizzy stuff all over the floor.
So every time the bus would stop or slow down, we'd see a SEA of TK lemonade swishing past us on the floor, back and forth... by the time we got off the bus, the TK had started to make it's way, slowly, down the stairs to the lower deck. eek

Other than that, I've had mostly boring and smelly bus journeys.

DeadBankClerk

Originally posted by Clain
One evening an old man turned to me and started to give me riddles

You must answer me first these riddles three*




*Misquote (i know).

DeadBankClerk

Originally posted by Da Bounca
Also, i remember one time when i was the one drunk(i think dbc was there too, drunk also), and there was a young woman sitting in front of use reading a book, abd i began to read from the page out loud. dbc was in hysterics while i just sat there with a level toned voice, reading calmly from some book about Celtic Dolmuns or something.

roffle

DeadBankClerk

Originally posted by SantaHoe
myself and a friend were slugging back on a 2Litre bottle of TK on the upper deck... one thing lead to another

ooo er...

Turner

Ahh Dublin Bus...

A year or two ago when i was workin shift work at 8am i got the 48a at bout 7:20. After a night of boozing the night before i head stright down the back of the lower floor middle seat and put my feet up.
Being 7:20 in the morning i dozed off gracefully as one can with those fuppin jerky automatic gears the busses have.

Woke up in ranelagh sprawled across the back seat with the bus jammed with people. And of course there was the line of spit down my cheek and into my ear.

people were obviously too afrid to touch me or wake me probably cause of the night of guinness drinking farts that were commin out of me.


Chief.

Makaveli

My God this is some funny ****
Mine aren't really funny though
The 11 once took an hour to get from the top of O'Connell St. to the bottom.
The 75, the bus driver was Chineese I think, he didnt have a clue where he was going and got lost. People on the bus had to direct him.
The 114 or 116 I cant remember which one it is, it comes from Kilcross and goes to Blackrock Dart Station. Some lads threw coke on me and my friends and there was a big fight at the dart station.
The 44N, some guys were talking about WWF and then they started to do wrestling moves on each other in the aisle.
The 46A, this chap was about 6'7" and he got stuck in the seat, he had to be pulled out by some fellah.
There is a guy on the 11 too and he is "special" too. You know the way on the newer buses when you ring the bell the sign lights up "Bus Stopping", well this guy starts jumping up and down when it happens singing BUS STOPPING BUS STOPPING BUS STOPPING, then he goes back to listening to his walk man at full blast and singing along with it

phoenix2181

about a few months ago, myself & the mates were coming home on the 7n, we were all absolutly smashed, one of the lads lets rip (& I'll remember this to the day I die), he cleared the whole of the upper deck, the bus driver had to stop the bus & people had to step out on to the pavement because of the smell was so bad, while this is happening while we can hear my mate breaking is balls laughing (by himself I might add) upstaires in the bus, it took 5mins for the smell to clear, & the girl he was bringing home never got back on the bus & everyone else just stayed on the bottom deck of the bus. god it was sooo funny

Hobbes

*many* years ago I had just finished work and been working late nearly every night, so friday we all drop down to the pub. I have about three pints but I'm so tired I leave early and get the bus home (2 buses).

By the time I get to the second bus I'm completly wiped out and trying hard to stay awake. Eventually I fell asleep. I got woken up to the bus driver shaking me asking what was my stop. Someone in the background said "Maybe we should take him to beaumount" and I said "beumount" parroting the woman and he goes "Your on the wrong bus", I laugh and said "I don't care!" at which point he says "Drunken bastard" and starts up the bus again. It's only 2 stops from where I'm getting off, as I'm getting off I saw someone I knew and she's trying to hide, I didn't think anything of it. Get home, went to sleep.

Only when I chatted to her later it turns out I was fast asleep and when the bus turned the corner into my area I fell out of the seat and whacked my head off the floor... still fast asleep. The bus had apprantly stopped for a good 5 minutes or so while they figured out what to do with me. The driver thought I had knocked myself out. My friend didn't know it was me until she heard me laughing at which point she was motified I'd point her out.

I was also on a bus passing connelly station when the dart bus went through the wall.

Ri-ra

I was on a 54A on the way back from uni one evening many moons ago. I was reading a book, and the guy sitting behind me had the 'flu-- coughing and sputtering, etc. His nose is chronically blocked, sniffle, sniffle, sniffle. Eventually comes the sneeze. The cranium clearing type of sneeze, the contents of which go over my shoulder and splat onto the page I'm reading.

Once I got to my stop I hopped off and ran home to have the longest shower I have ever had in my life. EVER.

phobos

This has to be the funniest threads I've read in a long time. Well done lads

I don't frequent Dublin Bus that often, so I don't have any decent contributions. But when the Dublin Bus idea tires, we could possibly move on to general transportation occurances

;-phobos-)

billy the squid

Was standing up on the bus that goes into Heuston station (methinks it was no 90 at the time) in order to go downstairs and get off when the bus crashed into one of the bollards outside the station.

the resulting thud sent sent several standing passengers to the floor. No one was injured but an old lady hopped her head of one of the poles causing her false teethj to get nocked out and they could be heard bouncing down the steps to the level below

beardedchicken

the nitelink is always a wealth of useless anecdotes.....for example........
the 48n......this guy (totally sloshed) is curled in a ball asleep in the front two seats (the sideways ones for grannies, just inside the doors), he starts sliding really slowly out of his chair, until his legs are completely sprawled across the front of the bus, and people getting on have to step over him. the looks on their faces were priceless. eventually, with the rocking of the bus, he ended up on the floor, still snoring!

then, there's the crazies who ALWAYS want to talk to me on the 17...i must have one of those faces!

SantaHoe

Originally posted by Makaveli
The 11 once took an hour to get from the top of O'Connell St. to the bottom.

LOL, no way...
I've always found the 11 to be an excellent bus, I must be getting on it when the loony joyrider is driving.
At least it's nowhere near as smelly as the other buses... ever notice how the 13A always smells of stale sack sweat?

thegills

I spent 6 years getting the bus in and out of Kevin St. from Clondalkin. Here's a few.
1. This lad gets on. He must have been a plasterer as his clothes were covered in white dust. Everyone was praying that he wouln'd sit down beside them. He picked a well-dressed girl and then fell asleep and fell on top of her lap. Her whole suit was covered in plaster. Half of us laughed the other half were mortified for her.
2. Same type of situation but it was a drunk and he puked all over a girls tights. For the whole 45min journey home she didn't budge and the puke gradually rolled down her leg onto the floor.
3. An old man took his lad out and pissed all over the floor upstairs. The bus was going uphill so everybody went to the front of the bus to avoid the massive pool of piss. Then the bus went downhill and within a few minutes everybody was sitting with their feet up in the air. This old lady was afraid to put her feet on the ground and missed her stop. Class
4. My favourite - I found £80 getting on to the bus. Being honest I asked around and no-one claimed it.....

EvilGeorge

I dont speak dub and therefore cannot translate what the bus driver is saying - how about a translating system for the bus ?? hmmm that would be nice.

Shiminay

Actually, it's always fun watching out for those folks who really don't travel by bus very often - they're the ones that swing violently out of the hand-rails and nearly always fall down the stairs. You've got to develop "bus legs" (like sea legs).

I recall one night, I'd hopped onto the wrong bus after a gig - I could barely stand or think because I'd been going bananas at it. So I ended up not knowing where I was at the end of the route. I spoke to the driver and he said, "I'll bring you back to town - probably the easiest." So we headed away and suddenly I realised we were on the Stillorgan Dueller. I was living in Cabinteely at the time so I knew exactly where I was. I asked him if he's let me hop off at the turn off to the village and fair play to the guy, he brought me all the way up, through the village and to the entrance to The Park (where I lived). So not bus drivers are muppets!

Makaveli

The 11 is a good bus and it doesnt smell because they are all new buses, I havent seen one older than 1999. It takes a hell of a long time though especially when you get it end to end (DCU to Kilmacud). The slowest areas always when on that bus are Clonskeagh and O'Connell St. you just sit there stuck for ages.

Actually I remember another story about the 11, one of my friends was on the bus and this girl got on at Drumcondra I think he said and she paid 60p or something, anyway there was hardly anybody on the bus and 60p only gets you from Drumcondra to the start of the Ballymun Road I think and the bus driver shouts down to the girl that this is her stop and she says she wants to get off up at DCU and the driver says well thats an extra 25p (60 + 25 = 85p :]) so she says that she will pay it on the way off and the bus driver demands that she pay it there. She had turned bright pink, but put on a real attitude to save face, she walked down and payed, then when she was getting off the bus the driver told her not to wake up on the wrong side of bed anymore, she turned even more red because everyone left on the bus was breaking their sides laughing at her.
Morale of the story, pay the full bus fare

Baldy

Morale of the story, pay the full bus fare [/B]

**** that if i wanna get into town from where i live it cost Ir£2.35
Thats E3.00 thats alot of money of a bus.

Lump

Well then don't get the bus, you cheap scate.


John

Stephen

I remember getting the 90 into town from Heuston Station before (i think i was on my way to a monty lan or something ). The bus was packed and I was sitting upstairs near the front window. Looked out the window to see two massive security guard types kicking the sh1te out of some drunken scumbag outside the main entrance to Heuston. They left him sitting in his own blood to stagger over to the nearest payphone to call his own ambulance. Some of his mates were on the bus, going apesh1t

Figment

*bump*

po0k

Originally posted by phobos
This has to be the funniest threads I've read in a long time. Well done lads

I don't frequent Dublin Bus that often, so I don't have any decent contributions. But when the Dublin Bus idea tires, we could possibly move on to general transportation occurances

;-phobos-)

Have to agree.

Wait for the Iaranróid Éireann ones though. The train is a uniquely Irish experience. Everybody and anybody can be sitting beside you and you will generally leave with a large peice of someone's personal history. Which is nice I guess, especially if you get her number