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Sexism Higher Level (38KB)

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    #2
    andell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 82 ✭✭andell


    from my Brother - PS I am a girl, but dont take myself so serious as not to find this funny

    Dear Girls,

    For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the name of equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins.

    No more! The man fights back!!

    Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead.... Long live the Man of
    2002.

    Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is.....

    > >> 1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just
    > >> get your arse down a gym.
    > >>
    > >> 2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bloody
    > >> thing down.
    > >>
    > >> 3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments
    > >> when we dare to comment on it.
    > >>
    > >> 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to
    > >> see if we can find the perfect present... again.
    > >>
    > >> 5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
    > >>
    > >> 6. Saturday = Sport. Let it be.
    > >>
    > >> 7. Shopping is not a sport.
    > >>
    > >> 8. Anything you wear is fine. Really !!!.
    > >>
    > >> 9. Ask for what you want directly. Subtle hints don't work.
    > >>
    > >> 10. Face it, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing
    > >> from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
    > >>
    > >>


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    #3
    andell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 82 ✭✭andell


    Here is the end...it is rather big...

    CONT-

    11. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes
    > >> you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty,
    > >> would look good with that particular dress?
    > >>
    > >> 12. 'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.
    > >>
    > >> 13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
    > >> doctor.
    > >>
    > >> 14. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
    > >>
    > >> 15. Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.
    > >>
    > >> 16. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first
    > >> two months we were going out.
    > >>
    > >> 17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a
    > >> subsequent argument.
    > >>
    > >> 18. It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that
    > >> bloody chocolate you eat!!
    > >>
    > >> 19. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are
    > >> airbrushed makes you sound jealous and petty and it's certainly not
    > >> going
    > >> to deter us from reading them.
    > >>
    > >> 20. The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are
    > >> all gay.
    > >>
    > >> 21. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one
    > >> of these ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

    22. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can werate how pretty you are?

    23. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to sayduring the commercial breaks.

    24. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.

    25. If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't HAVE to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say"" and then eat half of mine.

    26. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.

    27. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be
    rabbit food as well.

    28. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat,warm beer and cold lager. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.

    29. Do not question our sense of direction.

    If you can learn the above, then man and woman con co-exist on a level based on love and mutual respect.


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    #4
    Pugsley
    Registered Users Posts: 7,136 ✭✭✭Pugsley


    seen it before,damn funny though :)


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    #5
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Marvellous!


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    #6
    flyz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 536 ✭✭✭flyz


    Love the first one and the last one :D

    My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will
    make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

    "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack said as he stepped
    out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
    "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

    Q: What must a woman do when a man is running around in circles?
    A: Reload and carry on shooting.

    Q: Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease?
    A: Because it only attacks the brain.

    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A: A rumor

    A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
    the happiest woman in the world."
    The woman says, "I will surely miss you."


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