Rules for Girls

Mr.Applepie

Please note
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down.

3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.

6.Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and Nascar.

8. Saturday=football; Sunday = more sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

11.You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

12. Crying is blackmail.

13. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

14. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

15. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

16. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

17. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

18. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

19. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

20. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

21. Check your oil. Please.

22. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

23. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

24. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

25. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

26. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

27. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

28. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done--not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

29. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

30. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

31. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

32. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.

33. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it.And quit whining to your girlfriends like THEIR relationships are SO MUCH better.

34. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

35. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

36.We are not mind readers and we never will be.Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

37. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

38. What the hell is a doily?

Kraken

too long but there are a few good ones in there.

SickBoy

This is true!!! You hear me?? THIS IS ALL TRUE!
Classic stuff

andell

Oi

I put that up a few days ago under "sexism - higher level"

anyway here's one for the girls...

We got off the Titanic first.

>>We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.

>>We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

>>Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

>>We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

>>We can cry and get off speeding fines.

>>Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

>>We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

>>Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point).

>>We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

>>We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

>>New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

>>No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.

>>We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

>>If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

>>We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her ass.

>>If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

>>We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

>>If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

>>We have the ability to dress ourselves.

>>We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

>>If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

>>Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

>>Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.

>>We'll never regret piercing our ears.

>>We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

Mr.Applepie

Oh sorry ive just staeting looking at this board again after me holidays:)

andell

all is forgiven

EvilGeorge

So I'm wearing a pair of runners at the moment - what does that say to females then ??

andell

well, you're either v fit (been out jogging), or put comfort over style (not a hangable offence)

the main question is are they newish cool trainers or manky smelly old runners???

Victor

Originally posted by andell
>>We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

It's ok, many a waitress will flirt with us to get a good tip.

>>Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

Ah, but we get better pensions .....

Sangre

Originally posted by andell
Oi

>>Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point).

We all know that this only applies to the more aesthecially gifted not just women, tis a sad fact of life, unless of coarse you get free drinks, movies etc..