Fav Simpson's Quaote

Lister

Rex Banner: You're out there somwhere Beer Baron and I'll find you.

Beer Baron: No You Won't!

Rex Banner: YES I WILL!!!

Beer Baron: WON'T!!!

That's mine, now whats your favourite quaote???

SantaHoe

<Smithers> The public see you as something of an ogre...
<Mr.Burns> I ought to club them and eat their bones.


Loads more, just can't think of any good ones atm.

koneko

Lou: You know I went to the McDonald's in Shelbyville on Friday night.
Police Chief Clancy Wiggum: A what?
Lou: A McDonald's restaurant. Eh, I never heard of it either, but they have over two thousand locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Must've sprung up overnight.
Lou: You know the funniest thing, though, it's the little differences.
Police Chief Clancy Wiggum: Example?
Lou: Well, at McDonald's you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right? But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Police Chief Clancy Wiggum: Get out! What do they call it?
Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese.


Or the one where Lisa shouts out (during nightmare) "I want to help you George Washington!".
Bart overhears and says "I want to help you .. George Washington? Man even your dreams are square"

Guy Incognito

From the Whacking Day episode:

Homer(to Lisa): Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like the time daddy hit the referee with the whiskey bottle. Remember that, when daddy hit the referee?


From the one where Homer is Burn's assistant:

Homer: Here are your messages.
You have 30 minutes to move car.
You have 10 minutes.
Your car has been impounded.
Your car has been crushed into a cube.
You have 30 minutes to move your cube.
(Phone rings)
Hello, Mr. Burns' office.

Burns: Is it about my cube?

schrodinger

<Lisa> Dad 10% of 12,000,000 dollars isnt 1200 its
CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!!

Also see the signature.

the celtic tiger

my favourite of the moment is from old gil. I can't remember the quote exactly, so i'll set the scene.

Homer at a car lot, gil is the salesman. Out of no where, homer says, I'll take that one.

Gil is thrilled and we see him looking at the board where the leader board of car salesmen is, gil has sold none and some guy called 'craig' has sold tons.

Anyway, gil says to homer that they'll just fill out the forms. craig enters all suave and cool. "I'll take over from here gil".

Gil says, "Don't take my sale craig, i need this, the bears are clawing at my door."

Homer is led away. Gil on phone.


GIL. "You should have seen me, i was in the zone........
No, I didn't get the sale, craig.........

Who is that, is that Fred?? AWWW...you said it was over between you and fred.....NO, Don't put fred on.......

OH, HI Fred!!

"





i laughed for hours.

Saruman

Home and computers dont mix (may not be 100% what he said but close enough)

"To continue press any key"
"Where's the anykey?"

EvilGeorge

"DOH!"

Saruman

Homer approaches post office clerk

Homer: "My name is MR Burns, i believe you have a letter for me
Clerk: "Could i have your sirname please"
Homer: "I dont know..."

superfly

"no beer and no tv make homer something something!
"go crazy!"
"dont mind if i do whooowoooeeeuurrgghh!!"

Rolo Tomasi

"Beer- the cause of and solution to all of life's problems"

koneko

Lionel Hutz "Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I.. uhoh... We've drawn Judge Snyder"
Marge "Is that bad?"
Lionel Hutz "Well, he's kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son." "

seamus

Outside city hall, Rex Banner announcing that no more illegal beer is being brought into springfield

Kent Brockman: We now go live to Evergreen Terrace, where former police Chief Wiggum has reportedly arrested the Beer Baron!

Lenny: Arrested Homer?!

I think that one's just class cos of the look on Rex's face..:D:D

or:

Marge: Homer I want you to take Larry back to Mr. Burns and stop all this right now!

Homer: But Marge, it's broad daylight and there are cops everywhere.

Marge: I don't care, just do it.

.......

Kent Brockman: .....WHOA! and there they are, Larry Burns and his kidnapper, Homer Simpson. Appearing in broad daylight, and with cops everywhere. There is only one word for that - Idiocy!

:D

or:

April Fools one, Bart has shook up Homer's beer.

Homer opens beer Bart jumps out,

'Haha April Fo....

!KABOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!

classic

Washout

Are most people getting theirs from the homer quote generater?

DiscoStu

homer: i was at moe's
wiggum: and this moe's is?
homer: its a pornography store... i was buying pornography

and

i like my beer cold, my tv loud and my homosexuals flaming.

Guy Incognito

Jasper: Talking out of turn...that's a paddlin'. Looking out the window...that's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals...that's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe...ooh, you better believe that's a paddlin'!



Prof Frink: The compression and expansion of the longitudinal waves cause the erratic oscillation, you can see it there, of the neighboring particles.
Girl: Eh!
Prof Frink: Yes...what is it, what, what is it?
Girl: Can I play with it?
Prof Frink: No you can't play with it. You won't enjoy it on as many levels as I do..n-hyuh. The colors children!

Rolo Tomasi

Homer - "Marge, you know I don't apologise to anyone for anything, I'm sorry but that's the way I am"

Ph3n0m

some of my fav quotes are:

homer: lord help me i am just not that bright

Homer : "No TV and no beer make Homer something, something."
Marge : "Go crazy?"
Homer : "DON'T MIND IF I DO! WHARGHLULULU WHUR LALULUBRGLUBLU HAHUHAHU WOODWOOD HALULAOGH!"


homer: i'm not normally a praying man but if you are up there, please save me superman

homer: You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?"

homer: Sir? Ah, hello sir! Yes! You look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife, so..."

homer: Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand

Homer: "Twenty dollars? Aww, I wanted a peanut!"
Brain: "$20 can buy many peanuts."
Homer: "Explain how!"
Brain: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services."
Homer: "Whoo-hoo!"

Homer's Brain: "Yeah! The Legend of the dog-faced woman!"
Homer : [Out loud] "Ha Ha! The Legend of the dog-faced woman!"

Marge : "Homer, It's funny but I've noticed that my mum and your dad are very lonely."
Homer : "Heh Heh! That is Funny!"

Homer: "Looks like he's barking up the wrong Bush! Heh heh!"
Homer's Brain : "Good job Homer, the cleverest thing you'll ever say and no-one was around to hear it."

The Gopher

God so many to pick heres a few
Kent Brockman is at the St Pats Parade in Springfield when things start to turn a bit rowdy.He says something like this
"Drunken behaviour,fighting,violence and foul language-is this what we should think when we think of the Irish"!

Homer and Mr Burns girlfriend are kidnapped by Snake.Burns thinks Homer has eloped with her
"Oh its terrible.She was my sexy young fiance,he was my sexually virile young friend,and now theyve made off in my 1921 Burgundy Sexotania".

The family visit Hollywood and pass a film setsee Robert Downey Jr and a pile of cops in a shootout.
Marge-Look,Robert Downey Jr is shooting a new movie.
Bart-But I dont see any cameras.

And from the Comic Shop man to Homer the Internet King
"Can you upgrade my 28.8 kilobaud internet connection into a fibre optic high speed T1 line.I also need a IP convertor which is compatible with my token rinbg ethernet LAN configuration".


And from Homer
"Have you ever noticed how all white people are called Carl and all black ppl arre called Lenny[yep I think he got the names wrong way].Zhooooom!!!"

EL_Diablo

Homer: Go ahead ask me if something smells funny in here

Bart: Does something smellfunny in here?

Homer: I don't know STUPID!! heh heh heh

Marge: Homer,you want porkchops?

Homer: No I want meatloaf YOU CLOD!!!

Yurmasyurda

This one sticks in my head...

"Only high paid executives like me can afford something like that, wait I'm a guy like me!"

Absolute classic :P

pugwall

My sig; the episode about Veggiez

D-Generate

Simpsons Kitchen
Bart: These uniforms suck!
Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?
Homer: Yeah Moe, that team sure did suck last night! They just plain sucked. I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: Homer, watch your mouth!
Homer: I gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening.
Bart & Lisa: We're not weiners.
Homer: Why are you wearing those damn weiner clothes then.
Bart & Lisa: They made us.
Homer: Oooh they made us. That's loser talk, you got to be more like me and my team, nothing can stop us now.

Mr. Burns office
Mr. Burns: Stop everything. I don't remember writing a check for bowling.
Smithers: Uhh. Sir, that's a check for your bowling(poo).
Mr. Burns: Ohh yes. That's very important.
Smithers: Yes sir. Remember that month you didn't do it.
Mr. Burns: Yes. That was unpleasant for all concerned.

Lister

Lisa to Homer: We're part of the MTV generation, we feel niether high's nor low's.

Homer: What's that like?

Lisa: Ehhh!

Mills

Simpsons Kitchen
Bart: These uniforms suck!
Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?
Homer: Yeah Moe, that team sure did suck last night! They just plain sucked. I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: Homer, watch your mouth!
Homer: I gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening.
Bart & Lisa: We're not weiners.
Homer: Why are you wearing those damn weiner clothes then.
Bart & Lisa: They made us.
Homer: Oooh they made us. That's loser talk, you got to be more like me and my team, nothing can stop us now.

Was waiting for someone to post this one, it's probably my favourite, but I can never remember it exactly and I didn't want to butcher it .

SantaHoe

[In moes after Homer saves the power plant from meltdown]


<Lisa> He has to give a speech about staying cool in a crisis...

<Homer> OH GOD!! WHAT'LL I DO???!! WHAT'LL I DOOO??!!

MelKor

can i stick one in from futurama?

"jimmy crack corn and i dont care

jimmy crack corn and i dont care

jimmy crack corn and i dont caaa-aare..........

TAKE THAT YOU STUPID CORN"


i laughed, i cried, went for a piss, laughed some more, *sigh*

Irish_Ranger_IR

Originally posted by Saruman
Home and computers dont mix (may not be 100% what he said but close enough)

"To continue press any key"
"Where's the anykey?"

Computer! Kill Flanders................................

Makaveli

Duff Man - "Time for some H2-oh yeaaaah"

Ralph Wiggum - "Me fail english? That's unpossible"

Ralph Wiggum (to Lisa) - Hi Lisa
Ralph (to Chalmers) - Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers, I'm learnding

Homer - "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population YOU"

Homer - "Three words. I AM GAY"

Moe - "And now without further Apu
Apu - "Oh I have been zinged and I love it"

Bart - "Take 'em away boys!"
Chief Wiggum - "Hey that's my line. Bake 'em away toys!"
Lou - "What you say chief?"
Wiggum - "Do what the boys says"

Homer (when looking for Lisa and stopping cars) - "Lisaaa aaaah Mr. Burns"
Mr. Burns - "Shouldnt you be at work, wherever it is you do work"

Fat Tony - "What's a truck!?!"

That's all I can think of right now

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Volvagia

my fav one that i can think of at the moment is...

<Lenny> I hear were goin to Ape Island to capture a giant Ape.

<Carl> I wish we were goin to Candy Apple Island.

<Lenny> What have they got there.

<Carl> Apes but there not so big

Classic!

][Spoof Jesus][

Lisa: Well...why dont you give me your address and I can write to you
Bum:Uh...Ok...just mail it to....Jesus...care of the Pentagon...

][Spoof Jesus][

KArl: lets liberate these literates...
Lenny: HEY! THATS TOO CLEVER! KILL HIM!

......................................................................................................

Guy #1: lets fight!!!
Guy #2: Them are fightin' words

......................................................................................................

ramius

Someone has already taken my favourit quote, but i shall put in another, its from an episode with Side Show Bob, they are in court
and says,

"You want the truth, You cant handle the truth you none truth handler yopu"

Undoubthable i have written that quote wrong and i am welcome to be corrected

Acidflash

My favourite quote is Homer saying "Beer, the cause of and solution to all of lifes problems"

strat

HOMER of course

"All this computer hacking is making me thirsty"

"They have the internet on computers ?!"

Guy Incognito

Originally posted by ramius
"You want the truth, You cant handle the truth you none truth handler yopu"

Undoubthable i have written that quote wrong and i am welcome to be corrected

Ok then

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. No truth-handler, you. Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities!

Spunj

Heres a load I got in an email, not gonna edit it to remove the ones that may have been posted alreasy tho...



The best quotes from Homer J . Simpson.....


[Praying heavenward]
Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me,
Superman!


Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and
studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be
extracted for our personal use.


Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, it's not quite a puppet, but man...
[laughs hysterically] So to answer your question, I don't know.


Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.


Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!


Homer: God bless those pagans.

Homer Simpson: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals....... except the weasel.

Dealer: 19.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 20.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 21.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 22.
Homer: D'oh!


Homer Jay Simpson: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED
around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it
would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."


Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Oooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain sodium benzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled.] That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?


Homer: Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car. You
have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed
into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube


Marge: I think we're going to need a bigger place.
Homer: No, we don't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's
room and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
Marge: Won't that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name
is Mother Shabubu now


Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.


Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the
end.


Homer: Hey, we didn't have a message on our answering machine when we left.
How very odd.


Homer: Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're
making a scene."


Homer: Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening


Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but
somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day


Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.


Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!


Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I
thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead
it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.


Homer: [cocks a shotgun] To the book depository!


[Homer is a Blackjack dealer]
Ernst Stavro Blofeld: Twenty. Your move, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: I'll take a hit, dealer. [Homer deals Bond a card.] Joker?
You're supposed to take these out of the deck.
Homer: Oh, sorry, I'll give you another one.
[Homer deals Bond another card.]
James Bond: What's this? "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"?
Ernst Stavro Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond...
[Oddjob and Jaws advance on Bond and grab him.]
James Bond: But... but wait! It was Homer's fault. I can't lose! I never
lose! [Oddjob and Jaws drag Bond out of the casino.] At least tell me your
plans for
world domination!
Ernst Stavro Blofeld: Oh ho ho, I'm not falling for THAT one again.


Bart: I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all
this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.



Astra: Your husband's work is what we call "outsider art." It could be by a
mental patient, a hillbilly or a chimpanzee.
Homer: In high school I was voted most likely to *be* a mental patient,h
illbilly or chimpanzee!


Homer tries to gain passage on an escape rocket.
Homer: I am the piano genius from the movie "Shine."
Guard: And your name is...?
Homer: Uhh... Shiney McShine.


Newspaper editor: We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't
immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats.
Homer: Nah, it usually takes a few hours.


Homer: Oh, they have the Internet on computers now


Homer: God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game.
[doorbell rings]
Ned Flanders: Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tick--
Homer: [slams the door, looks heavenward] Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.
[Marge scrapes it off the ceiling into Homer's hands]
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but -- [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.


Homer: Well Marge, have you ever seen a field glow like that?
Marge: It's eerily beautiful, but are you sure this is safe?
Homer: Of course not. But you know something? Sometimes you have to break
the rules to free your heart.
Marge: You got that from a movie poster.
Homer: Well, when there's nothing left to believe in, believe in hope.


Homer: It's like David and Goliath, only this time David won!


Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If
you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game
Sunday morning.
Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.
Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning


Lisa Simpson: Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever
considered artificial insemination?
Homer: Boy, I don't know. You'd have to be pretty desperate to make it with
a robot! [Marge whispers something in his ear] I knew that.


Homer: Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!


Pepi: Tell me more! I want to know ALL the constellations!
Homer: Well, that one's Jerry, the cowboy. And that big dipper-looking thing
is Alan, the cowboy.


Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive.
Homer: I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke!
It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa! Get in here. [Lisa walks in]
In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!


Homer: Well, I hope you've learnt your lesson, Lisa: never help anyone.


Homer: You mean you gave away both your dogs? You know how I feel about
giving!


Homer: There, there, Bart. If something's hard, then it's not worth doing


[Homer can't stop the monorail]
Marge: I've brought somebody to help you.
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: It's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?
Marge: It's NOT Batman.


Homer: I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all! The
terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might
offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musty odors -- oh,
I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their
tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this
Homer Simpson?"


Homer: Ah, Andy Capp, you wife-beating drunk.


Homer's ghost: Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get
into heaven.
Marge: Well I got a whole list of chores: clean the garage, paint the
house...
Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running
for Jesus


Homer: Bad bees! Get away from my sugar! Ow! OW!! Oh, they're defending
themselves somehow!


Homer: I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute



Homer: Look Marge, you don't know what it's like -- I'm the one out there
every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out
of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth?!
You can't HANDLE the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and
put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll
know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!


[Homer is teaching a university course on marriage]
Homer: I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of
this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild
with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow.
Krabappel: We need names!
Homer: Well, er, let's just call them, uh, "Mr. X" and "Mrs. Y." So anyway,
Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name
isn't Homer J. Simpson!"


[Ned and Homer are driving in a snowstorm.]
Ned Flanders: Homer, we just hit something!
Homer: Ooooooh, I hope it was Flanders

Yerac

So many fave bits from the scorpio episode.

Hank: Ingenious, isn't it, Mr. Bont?
Bont: Scorpio, you're totally mad.
Hank: Heh, I wouldn't point fingers, you jerk.
Bont: So, do you expect me to talk?
Hank: I don't expect anything from you except to die and be a very cheap funeral.

Homer: Say, what's going on?
Hank: I'm having a little trouble with the government.
Homer: Oh, those jerks always walking over the small businessman. Don't get me started about the government.
[While James Bond style battle rages in background]

Makaveli

Wiggum: Get me an APB on a Ustis R. Dewo, better try the Greek district.
FBI Agent: Eh chief that's Homer J. Simpson, you're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Cancel that APB, ooh but bring back some of those giros.
FBI Agent: Chief you're talking into your wallet.

Ralph: My daddy shoots people.

Homer: Ok computer. Kill Flanders
Ned: Did I hear my name. Ooh my ears are burning.
Homer (talking into mouse): Ok that's part of the job now finish him off.

Willy: Who are you?
Homer: errr I'm a new exchange student from Scotland.
Willy: neigh from scotland, I'm from Scotland, where abouts do ye hail from?
Homer: err North Kilt Town?!?
Willy: I'M FROM North Kilt Town. Do you know the McClouds?
Homer: Wait a minute, there's no McClouds in North Kilt Town, why you're not from Scotland at all