Teh Funny.

Fenix

Some Good ones , some not so good, ill let u make your own mind up. (Some if not all of them have probably appeared before, but I haven’t checked the Humour board in ages and I thought there were some good ones, sooo...enjoy. )

The Daughters

There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters. The Scotshman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes". The Irishman says, " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank." With that the Englishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a willy.

Coma

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!" She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise."
"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."

The plane crash

England's worst air disaster occurred today when a small 2-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery this afternoon in central Ireland. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

The Old Man

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also do a gramme of charlie a day, a spliff every night, a case of whiskey a week, eat junk food, and never exercise, and do pills on the weekend."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six."

The Other Old Man
An old man on his death bed summons all three of his sons to his bed side. When they arrive, he looks at them all over and says "I Bet you are all looking forward to the inheritance when I die". He looks at his eldest son and says
"YOU, YOU WERE NEVER GOOD AS A SON. ALL YOU WERE EVER INTERESTED IN WAS GARDENING AND EVEN MARRIED A GIRL CALLED ROSE, NOW GET OUT OF HERE"
He looks at his middle son and says "YOU, YOU WERE NEVER GOOD AS A SON EITHER. ALL YOU WERE EVER INTERESTED IN WAS MONEY AND EVEN MARRIED A GIRL CALLED PENNY, NOW GET HELL OUT OF HERE"
His youngest son looks at his wife and says "Lets get out of here Fanny, we're not going to stand here and get insulted like that".

FreaK_BrutheR

Right I know you will all winge and call me uptight and stuff but to be quite honest I don't really care.

I HATE the way irish people are the butt of people's jokes all the time. These jokes were obviously meant to slag of Irish and obviously thought up by people who view us as thick paddies etc...

Do you not think it would be better to slag of another country? Maybe a country who dislikes Irish? Like being Irish and all?

The jokes may be funny but at the end of the day an Irish man slagging off his own country??? WTF??? Are we brainwashed into thinking we are inferior at this stage??

Well I'm Irish and I ain't one bit thick.

Up the Republic.

Mark Lachlan "FreaK_BrutheR" Christopher Cullen

Mr.Applepie

Grow a sense of humour ffs and learn to take a joke!

Take it to humanities if you wanna discuss it :mad:

Fenix

Sorry, but if u cant sit back sometimes and laugh, then why bother going to the humour board at all, in case u didn’t realise, these jokes are in fact, fiction, i.e. not real / made up. They are not intended to slag anyone off, they are intended to make people laugh, not make people uptight and reply with "Up the Republic". I am indeed Irish, and proud at that, but after reading these jokes I genuinely thought they were humorous and so posted them, i barely passed thought upon the fact that they were "Slagging of my own country". I urge you to just try and see the funny side of these jokes and not the 'slagging own country' side...

But, just in case you cant, I’ve gone back over my original post and 'altered' some of the text, hope your happy.
(Didn't alter the Coma one because its target is cork, which is completely different )

FreaK_BrutheR

I'm acctually a very relaxed and flookin hilarious individual. I DO see the humour as i said.

I just don't see why one should EVER slag off their own kind when its so easy to change the joke from the self slag that it is.

The "up the Republic" was a bit tongue in cheek.

Anyway good luck - just a point.

Sangre

JEEZ LOUISE take a chill pill bruther, and a sense of humour pill. Do you think a few jokes about stupid irish people will make it so,
'UP the republic' thats some great tongue in cheek, you're right you're hilarious, sorry im so uptight but hes right its the fecking humour boards or should we call it the Fiction boards to make you secure in your irishness?

Youre awfully insecure for someone who's proud of ireland

kiffer

I dont mind Irish people slagging Irish people ...
It's non- Irish people slagging us that pisses me off ...of course every one is allowed to slag the states and the brits ...

amp

Originally posted by FreaK_BrutheR
I'm acctually a very relaxed and flookin hilarious individual. I DO see the humour as i said.

I just don't see why one should EVER slag off their own kind when its so easy to change the joke from the self slag that it is.

The "up the Republic" was a bit tongue in cheek.

Anyway good luck - just a point.

Fecking paddy.

Was a bit confused at the Daughters one as the idiot was Paddy Englishman, whereas normally it's Paddy Irishman. It kind of lost the humour factor for me.

amp - a potato eating, sheep shagging, guiness drinking, under a wheelbarrow fixing, stupid Irishman and proud of it.

Fenix

Originally posted by amp



Was a bit confused at the Daughters one as the idiot was Paddy Englishman, whereas normally it's Paddy Irishman. It kind of lost the humour factor for me.

Was originally Paddy Irishman, changed due to the fact that i was 'Slaging one of my own' , good one none the less.

Shiminay

Knowing Freak Bro for a few years, I can tell you he's one flunny flucker All you have to do is look at his PILE to see that!

We do posess a rather cool abolity to laugh at ourselves and try to see the humour in many things. What does this do for "morale"? Well, I don't think any sane Irish person believes that Paddy Irishman could ever possibly exist, but if telling jokes of this nature lures the other countries of the world into a false sense of security so we can take over, then plug away...

Fenix

good reply Kharn...

I'm sure FreaK_BrutheR is very funny irl, and im not saying that what he said wasnt right, just it just felt like he was trrying to make me feel guilty about somthing which i deemed a laugh...
At the end of the day, everyone knows Paddy Irishman dosnt exist, except maybe in cork , and i just think we can afford to sit to just laugh sometimes...

Anyway, this one is Just for Freak Bro...

Paddy was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an English tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. Paddy politely ignored the englishman, who, nevertheless, started up a conversation. The English man snapped his gum and said, "Do you Irish people eatthe wholebread?"
Paddy frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast,andreplied, "Of course."
The Englishman blew a huge bubble.
"We don't. In England, we only eat what's inside. We collect the
crusts in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Ireland." The Englishman had a smirk on his face.
Paddy listened in silence.
The Englishman persisted. "Do you eat jam with the bread?"
Sighing, Paddy replied, "Of course."
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the Englishman said, "We
don't. In England, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then
we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them,transform them into jam and sell it to Ireland." Paddy then asked, "Do you have sex in England?" The Englishman smiled and said, "Why of course we do."
Paddy leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" "We throw them away, of course." Now it was Paddy's turn to smile. "We don't. In Ireland, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them toEngland."
Why do you think it's called Wrigley's.

EL_Diablo

England's worst air disaster occurred today when a small 2-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery this afternoon in central Ireland. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

???????

Spunog UIE

planes have the uncanny ablitiy to "fly" and so crossin the old countries wouldn't be too much of a problem, so it holds true,
so give it a rest and laugh at a classic! ffs dumbass

Originally posted by Fenix
good reply Kharn...

I'm sure FreaK_BrutheR is very funny irl, and im not saying that what he said wasnt right, just it just felt like he was trrying to make me feel guilty about somthing which i deemed a laugh...
At the end of the day, everyone knows Paddy Irishman dosnt exist, except maybe in cork , and i just think we can afford to sit to just laugh sometimes...

Anyway, this one is Just for Freak Bro...

Paddy was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an English tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. Paddy politely ignored the englishman, who, nevertheless, started up a conversation. The English man snapped his gum and said, "Do you Irish people eatthe wholebread?"
Paddy frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast,andreplied, "Of course."
The Englishman blew a huge bubble.
"We don't. In England, we only eat what's inside. We collect the
crusts in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Ireland." The Englishman had a smirk on his face.
Paddy listened in silence.
The Englishman persisted. "Do you eat jam with the bread?"
Sighing, Paddy replied, "Of course."
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the Englishman said, "We
don't. In England, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then
we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them,transform them into jam and sell it to Ireland." Paddy then asked, "Do you have sex in England?" The Englishman smiled and said, "Why of course we do."
Paddy leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" "We throw them away, of course." Now it was Paddy's turn to smile. "We don't. In Ireland, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them toEngland."
Why do you think it's called Wrigley's.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!! Does that make you feel better bruther?

rymus

Originally posted by Fenix

(Didn't alter the Coma one because its target is cork, which is completely different )

And why is that completely different?

sixpack's little hat

one word JEALOUSY