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London Tube

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  • 15-02-2002 12:18pm
    #1
    Ser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 384 ✭✭


    some actual comments rom london tubes:



    1.To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second
    carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you
    understand?"

    2.At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon): "Please let the
    passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train
    first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Let the passengers
    off
    the train FIRST! Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I
    care, I'm going home."

    3."Ladies & Gentleman, upon departing the train may I remind you to take
    your rubbish with you. Despite the fact that you are in something that is
    metal, fairly round, filthy and smells, this is a tube train for public
    transport and not a bin on wheels"

    4.Driver: "I apologise for the delay leaving the station ladies and
    gentlemen, this is due to a passenger masturbating on the train at Edgware
    Road. Someone has activated the alarm and he is being removed from the
    train.

    5."Ladies and Gentlemen do you want the good news first or the bad news?"
    "The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and
    had a great time. I felt sadly let down by the fact that none of you sent
    me
    a card! I drive you to work and home each day and not even a card." "The
    bad
    news is that there is a point's failure somewhere between Stratford and
    East
    Ham, which means that we probably won't reach our destination. We may have
    to stop and return. I won't reverse back up the line - simply get out walk
    up the platform and go back to where we started. In the meantime if you get
    bored you can simply talk to the man in front or beside you or opposite
    you." "Let me start you off: "Hi,my name's Gary how do you do?""

    6."Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from
    elbow and backside syndrome, not knowing one from the other. I'll let you
    know any further information as soon as I'm given any".

    7."Please mind the closing doors..." The doors close...The doors reopen.
    "Passengers are reminded that the big red slidey things on the side of the
    train are called the doors. Let's try it again, shall we? Please stand
    clear
    of the doors." The doors close... "Thank you."

    8."I am sorry about the delay, apparently some nutter has just wandered
    into the tunnel at Euston. We don't know when we'll be moving again, but
    these people tend to come out pretty quickly...usually in bits."


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