A few i got in E-mails

Kraken

One very important management lessons for us as we climb up the ladder.

Lesson Number One

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all
day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the
rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a
fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
be sitting very, very
high up.

Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would
love to be able to get
to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey,"but I
haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the
bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey
pecked at a lump of
dung and
found that it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the first
branch
of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second
branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was
proudly perched at the top
of the
tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot the turkey
out of
the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull**** might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there

Lesson Number Three

A little bird was flying south for the
winter. It was so cold, the
bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large
field. While it was lying
there, a
cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As
the frozen bird lay
there in
the
pile of cow dung, it began to realize how
warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He
lay there all warm and
happy,
and
soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat
heard the bird singing
and came
to
investigate. Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under
the
pile
of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and
ate him!
The morals of this story are:

1) Not everyone who drops **** on you is
your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is
your friend.
3) And when you're in deep ****, keep your
mouth shut.

Kraken

"SEX EDUCATION"
Little Johnny was 7 years old and
like other boys his age
rather
curious. He had been hearing quite a
bit about 'courting'
from
the older
boys, and he wondered what it was
and how it was done. One
day
he
took
his question to his mother, who
became rather flustered.
Instead
of
explaining things to Johnny, she
told him to hide behind
the
curtains
one night and watch his older sister
and her boyfriend.

This he did. The following morning,
Johnny described
EVERYTHING
to his
mother." 'Sis and her boyfriend sat
and talked for a
while,
then
he
turned off most of the lights. Then
he started kissing and
hugging her.
I figured 'Sis must be getting sick,
because her face
started
looking
funny. He must have thought so too,
because he put his
hand
inside her
blouse to feel her heart, just the
way the doctor would.

Except he's not as smart as the
doctor because he seemed
to
have
trouble
finding her heart. I guess he was
getting sick too,
because
pretty soon
both of them started panting and
gettin all out of breath.
His
other
hand must of been cold because he
put it under her skirt.
About
this
time 'Sis got worse and began to
moan and sigh and squirm
around
and
slide down toward the end of the
couch. This was when her
fever
started.
I knew it was a fever, because Sis
told him she felt
really
hot.

Finally, I found out what was making
them so sick -- a big
eel
had
gotten inside his pants somehow. It
just jumped out of his
pants
and
stood there, about 10 inches long,
honest, anyway he
grabbed
it
in one
hand to keep it from getting away.
When Sis saw it, she
got
really
scared --her eyes got big, and her
mouth fell open, and
she
started
calling out to God and stuff like
that. She said it was
the
biggest one
she's ever seen; I should tell her
about the ones down at
the
lake by
our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and
tried to kill the eel
by
biting its
head off. All of a sudden she
grabbed it with both hands
and
held
it
tight while he took a muzzle out of
his pocket and slipped
it
over the
eel's head to keep it from biting
again. Sis lay back and
spread
her
legs so she could get a scissor-lock
on it and he helped
by
lying
on top
of the eel.

The eel put up a hell of a fight.
Sis started groaning and
squealing and
her boyfriend almost upset the
couch. I guess they wanted
to
kill
the
eel by squashing it between them.
After a while they both
quit
moving
and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend
got up, and sure
enough,
they
killed the eel. I knew because it
just hung there, limp,
and
some
of its
insides were hanging out. Sis and
her boyfriend were a
little
tired from
the battle, but they went back to
courting anyway. He
started
hugging
and kissing her again. By golly, the
eel wasn't dead! It
jumped
right up
and started to fight again. I guess
eels are like cats
they
have
nine
lives or something. This time, Sis
jumped up and tried to
kill
it
by
sitting on it. After about a 35
minute struggle, they
finally
killed the
eel. I knew it was dead, because I
saw Sis's boyfriend
peel
its
skin off
and flush it down the toilet.

Kraken

FROG JOKE
This is the best joke ever. You're going to love it! DO NOT SAVE -
PASS
ON
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.He is
on
the
second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the
green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he
hears, Ribbit 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see
anyone.
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides

to
prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the
frog,
"Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog
replies,
"Ribbit Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to
the
next hole. "What do you think frog?" the
man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom!
Hole
in
one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end

of
the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks

the
frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."
They
go
to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says,
Ribbit Roulette." Upon
approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I
should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this
is a
million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man
figures
what
the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding
back across the table.The man takes his winnings and buys the best
room
in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know
how
to
repay you. You've won me all this money and
I am forever grateful." the frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me." He
figures
why not,since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With

a
kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that,
your
honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my
name
is
not William Jefferson Clinton."

Kraken

Jerry Sticker