Those bizzare little pieces you find in newspapers

anony

You can find some real little gems in those small columns in the newspapers. Two I recently saw......not exactly word perfect but....



A man was admitted to the accident and emergency unit of a london hospital, it seems a rather large cucumber had become lodged in his rectum. When asked by doctors how this had happened the man claimed that he had been busy tending to his garden and had slipped in the vegetable patch.



In America a thirtyfour year old unemployed man called jose valdez is sueing MTV . It seems that jose has a problem. He's a cronic mastabator and he blames MTV for the worsening of his condition due mainly for the content of the videos that they show on a 24 hour basis. In the civil action his lawers singles out particular videos by Destiny's Child, Shakira, and Britney Spears as the main instigators of Mr. valdez's problem which is apparently ruining his life.

AtlantaSuburb

OW! *lol*
how about this one (indo, 13th feb, 2002)
jail threat over mid-air toilet visit
a businessman was yesterday facing 20 years in prison for going to the toilet on a plane flying to the Winter Olympics vanue Salt Lake City.
Richard Bizzaro (59) was arrested for breaking a rule that passengers on their way to the city cannot leave their seats for 30 minutes before the plane lands.
The regulations have been adopted to guard the Winter Olympics from being targeted by September 11-style kamikaze hijackers.
Mr Bizzaro left his seat 25 minutes before the flight from Los Angeles was due to land at the mountain city on Saturday night5 to go to the toilet despite a warning from the captain for passengers to stay in their seats.
A flight attendant who saw him leaving the toilet ordered him to return to his seat immediately which his lawyer said he interpreted as "just being rude".
But the unnamed attendant believed the 6ft 2ins tall businessman "was attempting to intimidate her" she told police.
A sky marshal watching the situation claimed mr bizzaro gave a "thumbs up" gesture which he interpreted as a signal to another passenger.
The three marshals on board immediately drew their weapons and ordered all the passengers to put their hands on their heads for the remaining 25 minutes of the flight.
Mr Bizzaro told the Wall Street Journal he "apparently dozed through the announcement of the rule"

*shakes head* i guess we're all very lucky peter buck didn't throw his little fit AFTER september 11... *lol*

:-)

AtlantaSuburb:cool:

tony 2 tone

Shakira, Kylie, Sofie Ellis-Bexter are to blame for my chronic problem, any time I turn on MTV and see them I run off and get stoned..........

kirn

there was a class picture in a local spread of a kareoke competition where a guy singing a classic dexy's midnight runner's song went into the crowd and danced sexy with a girl... anyway the caption? (how the hell did they get away with it!?)

'local man comes on eileen'

joey D

for all the best funny bits from newspapers tune into Thursday Challenge live at 8pm every er... Thursday, on Phantom. Last week we brought you news about a Russian man who shot his foot off during some manly pranks with his mates. We also scour the regional newspapers (no, we don't just rob bog cuttings from s h i t magazine Phoenix) for those hilarious court reports. My favourite provincial newspapers: the Tullamore Tribune, the Leinster Leader and of course The Kerryman.
Hurrah for funny news items!

roxy

you gobsheen joey - the russian guy didn't shoot his foot off, he took a chainsaw to his neck and chopped his head off!!

joey D

damn my short-term memory loss

roxy

that'd be the jagermeister

anony

Originally posted by tony 2 tone
Shakira, Kylie, Sofie Ellis-Bexter are to blame for my chronic problem, any time I turn on MTV and see them I run off and get stoned..........

And then you masturbate .....right?

Gar_ptc

don't we all?
although i normally get fisted at the same time a little puerto rican girl by the name of...uh...fisty

tony 2 tone

Originally posted by anony


And then you masturbate .....right?

Well then I usually stare at shiny things, laugh, fall asleep then get up and eat, I dont have time to ****...............

anony

Alright, so those first two stories ain't entirely true......... but I was just trying to knock the apathy off the board......... it's pure fiction and definetly not about me..........now, anyone for a cucumber sandwich?

Loomer

I'm sure u'v all heard this and if you hav'nt ...were have you been?:rolleyes:

....A man was found burn't to death in a diving costume,(inclusive of flippers) in the middle of a forest in America after a bush fire.

Why and how....

The fire fighter planes had taken water from a near by lake.

The man was swiming about minding his own bussness when the plan came by and scuped up galins of water and the diver.

Hence he was dropped from the sky into the middle of the burning bush fire, and found in his flippers days later. :eek:

pixe

Thats ****ed up....

Sorry Loomer I just posted that!

You must have just sat in the same seat as me in this internet cafe

Weird.....

(you should log out!...I could have caused havock!):D

Fecked up I tell ye!