A few goddies

Kraken

What is greater than God,
more evil than the devil,
the poor have it,
the rich need it,
and if you eat it, you'll die?


Think of a number from 1 to 10.























Multiply that number by 9.























If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together.























Now subtract 5.























Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with (example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c, etc.)























Think of a country that starts with that letter.























Remember the last letter in the name of that country.























Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.























Remember the last letter in the name of that animal.























Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter.























Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange?

If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise.

Freaky, huh?

Kraken

little girl walks in to a barber shop
eating a snack
the barber says young lady your getting hair on your twinkie
she says i know









im growing boobs as well.

Kraken

These announcements actually appeared in church bulletins

Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help!

Thursday night potluck. Prayer and medication to follow.

Tuesday there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early.

This Sunday being Easter we will ask Mrs. Lewis to please come an lay an egg on the altar.

Next Sunday we will take a collection to defray the cost of our new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet please come forward and get a paper.

A bean supper will be held Tuesday night. Music will follow.

Weight Watchers meets at 7pm on Wednesday. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.

Our Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 8th and 9th.

Eight new choir robes will be needed due to the addition of new members and the deterioration of some old ones.

The scouts are collecting old newspapers and aluminum cans. The proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The Senior choir invites any member of the church who enjoys sinning to join.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

For those who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Thursday at 10am is the meeting for Little Mothers. All those who wish to be Little Mothers see the pastor in his office.

At the evening service tonite our sermon will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Kraken

What is:
1+5









2+4









3+3









4+2









5+1









Now repeat/say the number 6 to yourself as fast as you can for 15 seconds. Then scroll down.















QUICK!!! THINK OF A VEGETABLE! Then arrow down.















Keep going.













You're thinking of a carrot right?

If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are warped enough to think of something else. 98% of people tested will answer with carrot when given this exercise.

Freaky, huh?

Kraken

if you are after eating or about to ea dont read its a bit sick.....



















Poopie List
The classic, tasteless potty page. But, hey, it's pretty funny.

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!

Kraken

I Need Pet Food
This guy goes to a grocery store and asks the clerk behind the counter for two cans of dog food.
"Do you have a dog?" asked the clerk.
"Yes I do!" replied the puzzled customer.
"I'm sorry sir" said the clerk "but you're going to have prove to me that you have a dog before I can sell you dog food."
Back home went the frustrated customer to get his dog and pulled it on its leash all the way back to the store.
"Here's my dog!" weezed the tired customer.
"Thank you sir, here is your two cans of dog food."
Two days later the guy returns to the same store and goes up to the same clerk and says
"Two cans of cat food please."
"Do you have a cat sir?"
"Of course I do!" said the exasperated customer.
"I'm sorry sir but I have to see your cat before I can sell you cat food."
The guy storms out of the store, goes home, grabs his cat, drags it back to the store and holds up the cat by it's tail for the clerk to see.
"Thank you sir here is your two cans of cat food."
The very next day. The guy returns to the store, approches the clerk and places on the counter a white shoebox with a small hole on the cover.
"Yes sir", asked the clerk, "what can I do for you?"
"Put your finger in the hole" ordered the customer.
"I beg your pardon?" said the clerk. "Do as I say!" ordered the guy.
Cautiously the clerk slid his finger all the way in the hole.
"Pull it out and tell me what it looks like!" said the guy
"It looks like ****!" said the disgusted clerk; to which the customer replied "THAT'S RIGHT!!, Now give me two rolls of toilet paper!"
Do You Know Who I Am?
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two-hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except for the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 an hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."
The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.
"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
It worked. The professor really didn't know who he was!

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or the machine?"

4 funny guys
There were these 4 guys,a Russian,a German,an American and a French,who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle,a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, 'Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jumped, you shouted what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He run towards the pool,jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted,"VOKDA" and immersed himself into a pool of vokda.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted,"BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,"**** !!!!!!!........."

Who Is the Boss?
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore are in an airplane flying across the country. Suddenly, Bill Clinton says, "Hey, lets throw a $100.00 bill out the window and make someone happy!" Then Hillary Clinton says, "NO, lets throw two $50.00 bills out the window and make TWO people happy!" Then Al Gore says, "NO, lets throw a hundred $1.00's out the window and make a 100 people happy!" Then, from the front of the plane, the pilot yells, "Why don't you throw YOURSELVES out the window and make 200 MILLION people happy?!"
So the plane crashes and they all go to heaven. God comes down from his throne and looks the three of them over and says to Bill, "I'm God, who are you?" Bill looks at him and says "I'm Bill Clinton, and I was the President of the United States!" God thinks for a minute and says, "Hmmmm, that's a pretty important job--you come sit here on my right." Then God looks at Al Gore. "I'm God, who are you?" An Al says, "I'm Al Gore, and I was the Vice President of the United States!" God thinks for a minute and says "Hmmmm, that's a pretty important job--you come sit here on my left."
Then God looks at Hillary. "I'm God, who are you?" "I'm Hillary Rodham Clinton--and I believe you're in MY Chair!"


F in Sex

A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl,out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older. The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up." The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now." The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a report like a report card from school. It tells you everything." Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old." The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?" The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds." Where did you learn that?" The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."

Cerberus

nothing

Kraken

correct dude.

Victor

Djibouti
Iguana
Apple

SHEILA

i tought it said county,
said longford, dog, grapes

2nd one i answered cucumber

Cake Fiend

Cat eating a tomato in the Dominican Republic

tribble

That is freakish - :eek:

Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange - 100%
ok so maybe it's because there a relativly few other options...

... but carrot - now thats just wierd - but it worked


gotta try this on some others

Monkey

the country always has to start with d