How to be a townie

logic1

1. Reebok Classics- You cannot claim any townie status without these. Must be gleaming white, gold stripes are best down to yellow or orange which are considered a bit pikey by the Townie hierarchy.

2. Tight Dark blue levi's or designer jeans- a must for that casual townie look, put them as tight up your ass crack as possible for extra points. Discard them after 3 washes as they will be too faded.


3. Gold Jewellery- quality doesn't matter here, what counts is size and quantity, the bigger your jewellery the more of a towny you are.


4. Pukka Motor- Any chunk of **** will do as long as the wheels cost more then 1000 pounds and the stereo is so loud people experience a sonic boom when you drive past. Add a sticker saying, "Mission Aborted, gone for a spliff" just to show your tough enough to smoke weed, as well as "A bit of a nutter".


5. Football Knowledge- Read every piece of **** you can find about football and memorise it word for word. Then next time your down the pub, spout it out like your Jimmy ****ing Hill making sure that everyone can hear you and note what a Townie you truly are.


6. Lying Skills- What ever happened to you the night before always double it to increase your Townieness. For example if you drank 8 pints tell everyone you drank 16 pints, if you had a little disagreement with a small man at the bar, tell everyone you had a huge fight with 2 massive geezers etc. etc. (also never admit to puking up or losing control in any way whilst drunk or you will be classed as a MUG)


7. Ability to act "hard"- Even if you are a weed who is sh** scared of everyone, when you are with 20 of your biggest mates you can shout at people who are on their own, try to pick people who won't say anything clever, Old people seem to be a popular choice. (remember to stop this act when yo are alone or you will get beaten ****less)


8. Strut- Although you are probably very insecure (usualy penis size or sexuality) develop a walk which says, "I'm the don, and I mean ****ing business". The more threatened/insecure you feel the more you should exaggerate your style.


9. Shoes- Wear slip on shoes with big buckles as these are essential to getting into night clubs.


10. Shirts- try to wear a smart shirt at all times, pastels, bright orange or lime green are favourite colours, fake designer labels to aim for are Ralph Lauren, Versace, Calvin Klein.


11. Finaly- Any music with real instruments should be descibed as, "Heavy Metal s**t" whilst out with your mates (ym's), even though you can't wait to get home and listen to the shi*ty new OASIS album. The gayer and more irritating the vocals the better it is, although once it gets in the charts you must stop listening to it, but every time it comes on claim that you had it on import or white label 3 years ago. Also if you can blag that your a DJ you'll score a lot of extra geeza points.


.logic.

Augmerson

WoW! I qualify on all counts! Is there a Prize?

po0k

Bravo.
Perfect on all counts.

bombidol

i bet you are from the south side, cause that describes no one

bomB

Dustaz

wtf is a townie?

Originally posted by bombidol
i bet you are from the south side, cause that describes no one

bomB

Funny, i was just thinking it sounds like most of the northsiders i know

Terminator

Originally posted by Dustaz
wtf is a townie?


Funny, i was just thinking it sounds like most of the northsiders i know

If they're the only Northsiders you know then you must be a real krusty skanger

DiscoStu

a townie is actually english slang for scumbags

bombidol

most scumbags cant afford cars
although it does sound like a dirtbag from finglas

bomB

Neil3030

LOL classic!!! I know at least 3 people that fit a few of those like gloves!!

logic1

Originally posted by bombidol
i bet you are from the south side, cause that describes no one

bomB

You bet wrong, I live in Drumcondra. Want any other bets?

.logic.

cournioni

Originally posted by Dustaz
wtf is a townie?

Skangers

podgeen

it correctly describes alot of people from athlone anyways..

Bottle_of_Smoke

Originally posted by bombidol
i bet you are from the south side, cause that describes no one

bomB

It's just a piss-take, Skangers prob shoulda been the heading but don't cry about it.

Also if you can blag that your a DJ you'll score a lot of extra geeza points.

love that one!

Monkey

At gigs they always rub each others shaven heads too...

Ser

yeh townie is a english thing as far as i know.

its what the heavy metal/grunge/pop freaks call ppl who go to clubs.

also nerds tend to use this word, or the country folk. popular word used by ppl who sit behind computers tho

PiE

Originally posted by Neil3030
LOL classic!!! I know at least 3 people that fit a few of those like gloves!!

I know about 300,000

Unfortunately.

Btw, is there anything more sickening than tons of gold jewellry on a girl? Or is just me who feels physically ill at the sight?

vac

You know it makes sense, infact, its almost logical!

Neil3030

Originally posted by PiE


I know about 300,000

Unfortunately.

Btw, is there anything more sickening than tons of gold jewellry on a girl? Or is just me who feels physically ill at the sight?

yes there is:
moustache
beard
peni5
a horse

rymus

Originally posted by Neil3030

yes there is:
moustache
beard
peni5
a horse

Ohh god nooooooooooo *vomits quietly in the corner*

Its a neddy no no to be playin tonsil tennis with a chick if she's got more stubble than you (or has more spare tyres than a weekend at silverstone)

Mr.Applepie

Originally posted by logic1


You bet wrong, I live in Drumcondra. Want any other bets?

.logic.

I bet you have a shaved head

logic1

Originally posted by Mr.Applepie

I bet you have a shaved head

I like pie.

.logic.