the bad news (hehe)

[CALIBUR]

Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been
in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor.

He comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr.
Jones.
"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks. "Yes sir, what's happened? How
is my is wife?" The doctor sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."

"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?" "Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is inoperable.
She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her." Mr. Jones begins to sob. "And you'll have to turn her in her
bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia." Mr. Jones begins to wail and
cry loudly. "Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll
have
to
diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder and of
course
these diapers must be changed at least five times a day." Mr.
Jones
begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails.
The doctor continues: "And you'll have to clean up her feces
on
a
regular basis as she'll have no control over her sphincters.
Her
bowel
will engorge whenever and quite often I'm afraid. Of course
you
must
clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she'll be emitting regularly." Now Mr. Jones is convulsing
sobbing
uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a
sobbing
pitiful mass.
Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on
the
shoulder. "Hey, I'm just ****ing with you, she's dead."