generation X lingo!!!

ayatollah

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.

Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

Ego Surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on, looking for references to one's own name.

Elvis Year: The peak year of something's or someone's popularity. "Barney the Dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993."

404: Someone who's clueless. "Don't bother asking him; he's 404." From the WWW error message "404 Not Found", meaning the requested document couldn't be located.

Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.

Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake.

Perot: To quit unexpectedly, as in "My cellular phone just perot'ed."

Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

Squirt the Bird: To transmit a signal to a satellite.

Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."

Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired.

Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

ayatollah

BOB LEVEY'S WASHINGTON POST

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't burp. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this.

We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:

Said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn't get the job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent. Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application. Brought her large dog to the interview. Chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles. Candidate kept giggling through serious interview. She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time. Balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece. Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle. Asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate. Announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and French fries in the interviewer's office. Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out during the middle of the interview. Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as financial vice president. Said if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm. Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions. Wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police. When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office. Had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with him. Bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet. Took a brush out of my purse, brushed his hair and left. Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him. Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to insure that the offer was formal. Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much. While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold. During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview. A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do l start? What's the salary?" I said, "l assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more. "I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer. An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus. His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume. He came to the interview riding a Moped and left it in the reception area. He didn't want it to get stolen, and stated that he would require indoor parking for the Moped. He took off his right shoe and sock, removed a medicated foot powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the powder four times a day, and this was the time. Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one. He whistled when the interviewer was talking. Asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security. She threw-up on my desk, and immediately started asking questions about the job, like nothing had happened. Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk. Asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview.

ayatollah

This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh...well...ah....well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?!?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"