wedded bliss

ayatollah

It was a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife were at the zoo. She was wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walked through the ape exhibit and passed in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla went nuts. He jumped up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet) grunting and pounding his chest with his free hand.

He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow. He suggested she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She did and Mr. Gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall. She did and Mr. Gorilla was just about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress your dress up your thighs," the husband suggested. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy!

Quickly the husband grabbed his wife by the hair, ripped open the door to the cage, slungs her in with the gorilla and said, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."







Marriage is a gamble. You start with a pair. He shows a diamond. She shows a heart. Her father has a club. His father has a spade. There's usually a joker around somewhere, but after a while he becomes a king and she becomes a queen. Then they end up wit a full house.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want then you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.

A little boy asked his father how much does it cost to get married and the father replied I don't know son I'm still paying for it.

Is it true dad that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? That happens in most countries son

ayatollah

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

The husband says "WHAT??"

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife "we'll take all three of them".

They then go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each.

They proceed to the Jewelry Dept. and get a set of diamond earrings.

The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on.

She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff."

The wife's face goes blank.

"No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."