The prodigal son returns

azezil

Last January my brother travelled to Australia to be with the women "he loves".

He took £3000 with him, about a month later he was calling home asking the parents to send him money cause he had spent it all and couldn't find a job!

So this went on and on over the last few months and now my parents have no more money to send, they've gave him every thing they had so now he has to come home.

My sister sent him the money for the ticket and he's due home sometime this week.

He has put an unbelievable amount of pressure on my parents, my fathers well pissed off, my other sister's raging (they always fought just imagine what it's gonna be like now!) and the mother is just glad he's back and is doing her best to get him to get out, get a job and pay back the loans.

With all these emotions undoubtedly flying high, on this side we have angry, family members and he'll most likely be depressed he couldn't stay. Being the most level headed one I'm gonna try and ensure it goes over as smooth as possible.

Any suggestions on how to deal with the situation?

Gordon

Help your brother get a job would be the first, and maybe a place to stay. That way everyone will be happy in a small sense.

Beruthiel

I don't see how there's any easy way to deal with that one azezil, especially if he still wants to be with the 'woman he loves'
he will defo be depressed, which will make it harder for him to find a job, but he'll have to get off his ass and find one none the less, do you live with your parents? if not, I'd have him stay with you so as to keep him out of the fireing line. If he can start to pay them off a little at a time I think things will ease up as it will seem like he is at least making an effort. It's gonna take time and a lot of people will have to bite their tongues.
Best of luck with it!

smiles

Originally posted by azezil
He has put an unbelievable amount of pressure on my parents, my fathers well pissed off, my other sister's raging (they always fought just imagine what it's gonna be like now!) and the mother is just glad he's back and is doing her best to get him to get out, get a job and pay back the loans.

With all these emotions undoubtedly flying high, on this side we have angry, family members and he'll most likely be depressed he couldn't stay. Being the most level headed one I'm gonna try and ensure it goes over as smooth as possible.

Any suggestions on how to deal with the situation?

Sounds like your family stick together, despite whatever arguments and the like that they have, which will help the situation.

I think the only real thing that you can do to help is act like your mother and try and help out with the job situation, at this stage there is nothing he can do about paying back the money until he gets a job.

if you can be there for him to talk to, or even just to talk to other people and ask them *not* to critise him then it'll help.

Give him time to readjust to the family situation, and (hopefully) he'll have time to realise that he should try and pay back your parents/sister for all their help and support.

<< Fio >>

Gordon

oh yeah, biting tongues. Absolutely, you'll need some kind of tongue biting machine that makes all flame wars incapacitated by a stun of tongue biting.

Good luck Azezil, don't lose your head.

azezil

Originally posted by Beruthiel
if not, I'd have him stay with you so as to keep him out of the fireing line.

i was thinking about that, i mentioned it to my mother but she doesn't want him to misinterpret it and give him the feeling that he's not welcome at home.

azezil

Originally posted by Gordon
Good luck Azezil, don't lose your head.

it takes alot to evoke pritty much any emotional response out of me, it's the rest of em i'm worried about.

Sister and himself are very short tempered, if they're fighting mother will get depressed, father won't say anything then one day just snap... ugg it's not gonna be pritty!

bombidol

Very similar thing happened to my uncle a few months back he went to australia and ran out of cash so the family got together and sent him over a load of cash a few times but he still had to come back. I think it comes down to the location, there are no jobs in australia at the moment yet people seem to believe that "They" will get one, the same thing is happening with a good friend of mine. When he gets back all he is going to want to do is go back, your best bet is to get him to get a job over here paying back his loans while using the net to look for a job over there

bomb

IRISHLILY24

Originally posted by azezil

i was thinking about that, i mentioned it to my mother but she doesn't want him to misinterpret it and give him the feeling that he's not welcome at home.

yes, but he might feel better just knowing he has the option if things get too hot at home it couldnt hurt just mentioning it to him in that way, as long as you are sure you want him there

Beruthiel

i mentioned it to my mother but she doesn't want him to misinterpret it and give him the feeling that he's not welcome at home.

I see what your mother is trying to do, but I also know that it's nigh on to impossible to settle back home with your parents after you've been away for any length of time, and they tend to forget you're grown up now and not a kid anymore, I couldn't do it, me head could never take that, I rather live in a box, but maybe things are different in your family....

Clintons Cat

Wow deja vu.
Kind of reminds me of the big falling out my family had over my uncle (the irresponsible one) and my ma (the concientious one)
Whilst my ma struggled to pay the bills looking after her parents in their old age my uncle was never to be seen except for every couple of months he would turn up with a hard luck story and my grandparents would slip him a couple of hundred pounds.
I would say take him in to your gaff if your willing and let him pay off your parents either by paying you rent.If not he will just continue freeloading off your folks.

havok*

Originally posted by Clintons Cat
If not he will just continue freeloading off your folks.

Doubt he will, i know it probobly looks to most that he must be a waster or somthing but it is impossible to get work in australia @ the moment.
I've heard a fair few storys about the job situation. A few of my mates where over there some months back, they planned to stay 4 weeks, they only managed 2.
Their thoughts on the matter where that its not hard to get a job, So long as your Australian. Big discrimination issue apparently, they dont like foreigners taking their jobs.
Sure just look @ what they to to illigal imigrants.

Getting back on topic , I really fell sorry for the fella. If hes only over there to stay with the g/f he must be pulling his hair out by now. And feeling fairly guilty over the whole money situation.

smiles

Originally posted by havok*
Doubt he will, i know it probobly looks to most that he must be a waster or somthing but it is impossible to get work in australia @ the moment.
I've heard a fair few storys about the job situation. A few of my mates where over there some months back, they planned to stay 4 weeks, they only managed 2.

My brothers been there for 6 months so far, moving about ever 2. Not too much bother with jobs, so long as your willing to do anything! (packing CDs, handing out leaflets, etc.)

Perth was the only place they've found to be discriminative (himself and the girlfriend), so he's now off working on a *small* (6500 acres) farm...

<< Fio >>

bonkey

Originally posted by azezil
Last January my brother travelled to Australia to be with the women "he loves".

He took £3000 with him, about a month later he was calling home asking the parents to send him money cause he had spent it all and couldn't find a job!

<snip>

Any suggestions on how to deal with the situation?

OK - I'm gonna be unpopular, but how did he manage to go through so much money in so little time, knowing he didnt have a job?

The reason I'm asking is very simple. Does your bro realise that he was asking so much of his family by asking for more and more living funds? I'm not doubting that he tried finding work, or that he intended paying them back, but surely the first thing he has to do is turn around and say "I really appreciate that you guys did absolutely everything you could for me, even though it didnt work out".

Once he does this, then the ball is in your parents and sisters court. If they start getting angry, then I would suggest that you step in (being the level-headed one) and ask them why they gave him the money, if they're so angry at him having spent it.

Your mum is dead right. Welcome him home. Dont make him feel like a failure, but rather comiserate that things didnt work out for him. You should try and tackle your family before he arrives, and really ask them to do the same. For me - if you give someone the help they ask for, you cant really complain about having given it.

As a side note - what happened to the woman he loved? Did she help him out as well?

jc

azezil

Originally posted by bonkey
As a side note - what happened to the woman he loved? Did she help him out as well?

ya funny that, apparently she freaked out when he could pay her back a few dollars within a week! Apparently her family are the same..

I have been trying to calm the family as best i can but i'm finding it really hard to convince the sis, probably cause of some personal issues i'd rather not go into.

As for spending all that money, we suspect he went over for a fun time at first, although he made no contact with us we heard from an old work collegue that he mailed her /them and said he was having a ball, out paraglideing n what have you! He brought it upon himself.

Hussy

From experience I think its best if you try and help him but not to much coz you will end up getting caught in the middle of your family and your brother and you will come out the worst in the end...

Mr.Applepie

Im kinda in a similar situation azezolroli. My sis is having problems with my da atm(they're barely talking). I found it best to not get involved in the arguements etc but just to be there for support on both sides and try not to alienate either side. This is very hard to do however but try and after time it should calm down. Like people have said try and help your bro and not to criticise and if your sis starts moaning bout the money she lent him ask her why she lent it to him in the first place!

P.S. Damn this crappy space bar!

lazer

azezil,

looks like your bro has alot of crap to come home to?

its a long flight from oz to hear, it takes a good few days to get over it.. plus he had a pretty rough time by the looks of it? imagin how he is gona feel all the way home...

i think u should try and stick on his side, just so he knows that atleast someone is not out to get him?

azezil

Originally posted by lazer
azezil,

looks like your bro has alot of crap to come home to?

its a long flight from oz to hear, it takes a good few days to get over it.. plus he had a pretty rough time by the looks of it? imagin how he is gona feel all the way home...

i think u should try and stick on his side, just so he knows that atleast someone is not out to get him?

oh of course i'll stand by him and help out where i can. I've been talking with the family, i think it shouldn't be too bad for a while anyway. Fighting is inevitable, my sister and brother have always faught, i'll do what i can to maintain the peace and hope for the best

azezil

Well he's been back a week and no rows, they're behaving like he never left, perhaps my worries were unfounded.

Over the last week he's been catching up with old friends etc. , he seems happy enough, apparently he broke off with herself a while b4 he left, which would explain a few things alrite.

He hasn't made any attempt at geting a job yet, but as i said its only a week and he's been catching up with old friends. I'm sure my mother will have him out soon enough