Tech Support Calls

The Clown Man

I don't know if anyone has worked in tech support before but the stories you hear about stupid callers are all true. I found this and it reminded me of a few calls I've had before:

Me: Hello welcome to Eircell.
Caller: Hello I wonder if you can stop text messages from coming to my phone.
Me: There's a few things we can do depending on what exactly you want. Do you want to explain your problem to me ...
Caller: Well, I've been getting some bad messages lately from a girl that I think has the wrong number. (Getting angry) It's an absolute disgrace. I'm 75 years old and my heart is not fit for all this nonsense.
Me: What type of text messages are these now.
Caller: She wants to suck my cock.
Me: (Trying not to laugh and failing fairly miserably) Sorry?
Caller: (Very angry) This is not funny young man. I'm an old man and I don't need this type of sh!te. Now, I've texted her back to say that I am 75 years old and she still wants to sit on my face. She has some nasty mind on her this one. I'm 75 years old and a woman telling me what she wants to do with a leather strap is not good for me. I just want her to stop sending me messages because I'm fairly sure she has the wrong number.
Me: (In tears really) I think she might do.
Caller: And if she has the right number I want her name and address.

At that point I had to mute him because I was on the floor .



My friend who also worked in Eircell got this one:

Friend: Hello welcome to Eircell.
Farmer: I cant read the number on my £10 phone card.
Friend: Have you scratched off the silver coating over the number fully:
Farmer: Aye yes, I think I scratched it too hard. It's ripped in two.
Friend: (Bemused) And how did you manage to rip it?
Farmer: Well, you see, I can't grasp a coin properly. They're too small. I have fairly big hands you see. So I can't scratch it with a coin and the wifes not around so I used the tip end of my shovel.



I also had a number of guys that didn't know that you had to turn the phone on before it would work and one guy who soaked it in soapy water because he wanted to wash it. Amazing.




Anyway I saw these which reminded me of them:

TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
CUST: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
TECH: "What sort of trouble?"
CUST: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
TECH: "Went away?"
CUST: "They disappeared."
TECH: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
CUST: "Nothing."
TECH: "Nothing?"
CUST: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CUST: "How do I tell?"
TECH: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"
CUST: "What's a sea-prompt?"
TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
CUST: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CUST: "What's a monitor?"
TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CUST: "I don't know."
TECH: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CUST: "...Yes, I think so."
TECH: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CUST: "...Yes, it is."
TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CUST: "...Okay, here it is."
TECH: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CUST: "I can't reach."
TECH: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CUST: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
TECH: "Dark?"
CUST: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
TECH: "Well, turn on the office light then."
CUST: "I can't."
TECH: "No? Why not?"
CUST: "Because there's a power outage."
TECH: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CUST: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
TECH: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CUST: "Really? Is it that bad?"
TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CUST: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

And:

Caller "Hello is this Packard Bell Tech support?"
Tech "Yes how can I help you?"
Caller "The cup holder on front of my computer broke off and it is still under warrenty, how do I go about getting it fixed?"
Tech "Excuse me for being shocked, but I am, you've stumped me. How did you get this cup holder, was it part of some promotion?"
Caller "It came with the computer, I don't know of any promotion."
Tech "Does it have any markings on it, any names, any symbols?"
Caller "All it says is 4X!"

Anyone else have any experiences with stupidity on a level of it's own?

Lucifer

take a look at Computer Stupidities

Eowyn

i worked in tech support myself for nearly a year and i had a few priceless ones too!
a guy rang me one day cause his cd drive didn't work....after about 2 or 3 mins i sussed he was putting in the cds the wrong way round!!
another women kept me on the line for nearly 15 mins trying to figure out why she couldn't connect to internet......she was in her friends house when ringing me....after trying to explain that she would have to b infront of her pc she shouted "how the hell can i ring u from my house when my phones bein cut off"...........

lol!!