Chat up lines!!

Frances Farmer

This is a request you studs out there.
I want to know your best chat-up lines so I put them to the test.

---

FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT.

Steven

That's a lovely dress you're wearing. It'd look great on my bedroom floor. It doesn't work (unsurprisingly), but let's face it, do any of them?

SantaHoe

"You look so pretty tonight, can I cum on your face?"

TwoShedsJackson

Wow, you smoothie Santa 'You got great legs, I'm gonna call the left one Christmas and the right one New Years - any chance I can see you between the holidays?'

SPACE COWBOY

Those pants you've got on are very tight, How do you get into them?......Would a drink help!
Sorry, I seen Austin Powers 2 recently.

---

VENI VIDI VICI

Hobbes

How to talk to People

So you're stuck for something to say - a complete stranger and you've got to make conversation. The weather's completely exhausted as a topic, so is "What do you do?" and "Where is that?", "Live over here?" and everything else you can possibly think of short of the important questions "Would you like to have a brief but memorable sexual encounter with my good self?", or, for the more casual of persons: "Wanna ROOT?". You need something to bridge the gap from point A. "Questions that you don't care about the answers to" and point B. "Oh PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE say YES!"

So what do you say?

In communication, professional conversationalists (Insurance Agents, Professional Salespeople, etc, etc) use a technique called OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS; that is, questions that cannot be answered with "Yes" or "No". For instance, "Have you thought about life insurance?" is a close-ended question, whereas "Where do you think the greatest risk to your livelihood resides?" is open ended, and forces the other person into speaking for a time, giving you some more information about themselves and what they're interested in. The next step is then to head for the common ground - a topic you both know about, and from the the conversation will bloom!

For instance, here's an example of my after dinner chat when I'm trying to pick up that special someone for a deep and meaningful 2.12 minutes of sexual encounter.

Me: How was the meal?

She: It was fine.

[I go in with my open ended question:]
Me: Where do you think the greatest risk to your livelihood resides?

She: **** off, Jerk!

This happens several times a night, and I'm seriously thinking of studying my Insurance salesperson more, because his conversations always seem to last a little longer...

Anyway, say you want to be creative and think up your own questions.

Well, a general guideline is to start your sentence with a W word. These are: WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, HOW and WHY. The more sophisticated amongst you are probably already aware that one of the words mentioned above is not a "W" word and are nudging each other in a rich, protestant way and making "tsk" noises, which is an easier word to type than say. For you I will demonstrate a further example of an open ended "W" question:

"Why don't you go and stick your head in a pig?"

Ok! Now back to the conversation skills again. Think about them and practice them where-ever possible, except on the bus with a person who smells of rotten vegetables and leaky bladder infections - Practise on people who you WISH to talk to. If, however, you wish to "pick up" a person with a leaky bladder infection, disregard this last sentence and advance straight to GO; there is nothing further I can do for you.

For you other 5 people, here's a vague list of open ended questions to avoid:

Exactly What is that fungus growing on your teeth?

Which STD's do you think I've personally experienced?

Where did you get such an ugly face?

How would someone go about picking up a social retard like yourself?

When do you think my sweat pits will reach my nipple line?

Anyway, you can play around with it for a while, and then when you've finished, practice some questions as well.

But for now, I'm off like the social butterfly I am, to pick up a nice tasty one night stand. My lines are perfect:

Me: Hi there, is this seat taken? (close-ended and non-threatening)

She: It's my friend's; at the bar...

Me: Thanks (sitting down)

She: {Nothing}

Me: So, Why exactly do you feel you need insurance policy?

She: Goodbye. >Thwack<

Me: >thud!<

Ambulance: >Wee Waa Wee Waa Wee Waa...<

Hobbes

All the secrets to life can be found at.. http://bofh.ntk.net/OtherStuff.html

Seriously though, any kind of open ended question. Or having an accent in a foreign country does wonders too

SHADOW

Well I know that ther is gona b disbelief at this but this actually has a success rate..

"Hey, u know wot the word of the days is?"

"Nope"
(If @ this point she says assh0le then its prolly a bad sign and your approach shud b re-examined)

"Its Legs"
"OH.....rite" - worried kinda hesitant look in the eyes

"What wood u say to going outside and spreading the word?"
(If @ this point she still hasn't mentioned the dreaded word Assh0le..then u're in, so start spreadin that word!)

Shad...
HE WHO DARES WINS


[This message has been edited by SHADOW (edited 06-02-2000).]

SheroN

I love every bone in your body especially mine.

Trojan

"What would you do if you were in charge of the nations economy today?"

I kid you not...

Al.

Draco

> 1. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
> 2. Nice shoes, wanna f*ck?
> 3. You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my
> nightstand.
> 4. Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
> 5. [Look at her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?":]
> Checking to see if you were made in heaven.
> OR:
> Checking to see if you're the right size.
> 6. If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it
> against me?
> 7. Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
> 8. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
> 9. I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.
> 10. [Grab her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
> 11. You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or
> Pink?
> 12. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
> 13. You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
> 14. Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.
> 15. That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
> 16. Do you want to see something swell?
> 17. Hey babe...do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750
> psi?
> 18. [Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.
> 19. I'd look good on you.
> 20. I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?
> 21. Hold out two fingers and say:
> "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't
> know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
> 22. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off
> you.
> 23. Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
> 24. Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
> 25. HI! Can I buy you a car?
> 26. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
> 27. Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about
> the first thing that pops up?
> 28. Motion with your finger for a girl to come over.
> When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough
> you would cum."
> 29. Excuse me. Do you want to f*ck or should I apologize?
> 30. Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?
> 31. Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?
> 32. Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?
> 33. Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f*ck?
> [Slap]
> HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
> 34. Excuse me, have I f*cked you yet?
> 35. Fancy a f*ck?
> 36. Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna f*ck?
> 37. I am a magical being, take off your bra.
> 38. Hey baby, wanna go halves on a *******?
> 39. My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
> 40. My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."
> 41. Can I flirt with you?
> 42. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
> 43. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
> 44. F*ck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
> 45. F*ck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
> 46. Bond. James Bond.
> 47. That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor.
> 48. Drop 'em!
> 49. I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed
> weasels NOW!
> 50. I love you. I want to marry you. Now f*ck my brains out.
> 51. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play
> gynecologist.
> 52. NOW, B*TCH!
> 53. Say, did we go to different schools together?
> 54. Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with
> your clothes on?
> 55. Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the
> sky and put them in your eyes.
> 56. Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of
> buns.
> 57. I had a friend who used to hand out phone cards that said:
> "Smile if you want to sleep with me."
> And watch them try to hold back their laughter.
> 58. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
> 59. You remind me of a girl I used to date.
> 60. What do you like for breakfast?
> 61. Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?
> 62. Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
> 63. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell
> her I just met the girl of my dreams.
> OR:
> I want to call your mother and thank her.
> 64. Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I?
> 65. If I followed you home, would you keep me?
> 66. Wanna f*ck like bunnies?
> 67. Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?
> 68. Would you like to dance or should I go f*ck myself again?
> 69. Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
> 70. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
> 71. Your place or mine?
> 72. Your face or MINE!?
> 73. Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.
> 74. Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you
> weigh.
> 75. I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
> 76. Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
> 77. Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a
> goddess.
> 78. If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter,
> would you let me spend some time up between the holidays?
> 79. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see
> myself in your pants.
> 80. Do you know the essential difference between sex and
> conversation?
> (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
> 81. Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and
> take what I want?
> 82. What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
> 83. How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet
> clothes?
> 84. Do you have a boyfriend?
> [No] Want one?
> [Yes] Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me.
> 85. I'm easy. Are you?
> 86. Are we related? Do you want to be?
> 87. Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself
> in them.
> 88. Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I
> borrow yours?
> 89. I'm leaving this place..want to cum?
> 90. Come on, you can't get pregnant again.
> 91. Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across!
> 92. If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
> 93. What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
> 94. Did it hurt?
> Woman: Did what hurt?
> When you fell out of heaven?
> 95. I am conducting a feel test of how many woman have pierced nipples?
> 96. Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's
> 97. Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was
> wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
> 98. Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us
> 99. You smell wet. Let's Party.
>100. Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.
>101. Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
>102. Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and
>say:
> Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize?
>103. I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of
> interesting.. Let's meet sometime...
>104. I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty
> good.
>105. No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
>106. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a
> weak heart.
>107. Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me
> to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.
>108. Excuse me, do you live around here often?
>109. Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared
> a cab home together?
>110. What's your sign?
>111. You have the *ss of a great artist.
>112. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
>113. Let's take a shower together -- you smell.
>114. I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade.
>115. If I was Elvis, would you screw me?
>116. Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I
> thought you knew...
>117. Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)
>118. Hey..somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
>119. What was that sound?" "It was the sound of my heart breaking.
>120. I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
>121. Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her
> clothes.
>122. Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color
> coordinated.
>123. Have you ever played leap frog naked ??
>124. I'll bet you 100 bucks that you couldn't get all your clothes off
> in 30 seconds
>125. Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these
> condoms in my pocket before they expire
>126. Would you like to see me naked ??
>127. Do you like chicken? Suck this it's foul!
>128. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No!
> D'ya wanna do lunch!
>129. I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty
>Woman.
>130. Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better?
>131. Do you spit or swallow?
>132. So....How am I doin'?
>133. I would give you a piece of my mind but I have much more of
>something
> else.
>134. Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my
> mind all night
>135. I would kill or die to make love with you.
>136. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did
> anyway.
>137. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread
> the word.
>138. Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
>139. I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
>140. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
>141. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
>142. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
>143. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
>144. I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
>145. I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it
> a reality?
>146. I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.
>147. Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get 'em while
> they're hot!
>148. Do you come here often?
>149. Where do you live?
>150. Hi. I'm Big Brother. I've been watching you...
>151. Where have you been all my life?
>152. Would you like to join me in the Bahamas next week?
>153. Think you can dance in those shoes?
>154. (Walk over to her)"Ok, you can stand next to me, as long as you
>don't
> talk about it."
>155. Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but
> you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like
> I had to tell you."
>156. Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
>157. Hey, I know you! You were Miss Maryland last year, weren't you?
>158. I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a
> little.
>159. I know a great way to burn off the 300 calories in that pastry you
> just ate.
>160. When she asks, for a match.
> How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
>161. A women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?"
> You: "Do you have the energy?"
>162. At the office copy machine. "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
>163. Say mother, want another? (if she has kids)
>164. You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves
> from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
>165. [Lick your finger, then touch you and your "friend's" shoulder] How
> about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet
> clothes?
>166. My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it.
>167. Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.
>168. Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
>169. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a
> bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
>170. I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.
>171. Wow! Are those real?
>172. Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?
>173. You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon.
>174. I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to
>see
> a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
>175. Do you take it up the *ss?
>176. Is that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just glad to see
> me?
>177. What would you do if I kissed you right now?
>178. I'm drunk.
>179. You know, I'd really love to f*ck your brains out, but it appears
> someone beat me to it.
>180. Ever tried those weird *****ly condoms?
>181. Hey baby, let's go back to my place and get something straight
> between us.
>182. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
>183. (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come
> with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
>184. I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of
> your *ss when I'm finished.
>185. Will you marry me and have my children?
>186. I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles
> b*tch!
>187. Ya know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de
>Milo.
>189. Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
>190. That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming
> too.
>191. Can I see your tan lines?
>192. I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.
>193. You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.
>194. (leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
>195. I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
>196. I'll bet you $50 I could get all your clothes off in 30 seconds
>197. I'm sorry I'm an artist and it's my job to stare at beautiful women.
>198. Hi. You'll do.
>199. Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!
>200. Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call you Sandy? Really, what time?
>201. Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a
>knot.
>202. Have you seen (any movie)? Would you like to?
>203. If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
>204. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
>205. That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
>206. (With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought
> they were wings.
>207. Pardon me, are you in heat?!
>208. Are you O.K.? Because heaven's a long fall from here.
>209. You know, I never was to good at math...like if I put you and I
> together, I'd get 69.
>210. You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were
> eyeing my pretty balls.
>211. You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
>212. You're good at math right? Is 69 a perfect square?
>213. Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice
> melons!
>214. Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
>215. Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you
> like a feed bag!
>216. Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
>217. Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
>218. When she asks, "What do you think of this (dress, sweater,
> blouse, etc.)" Say: I like nothing better.
>219. At the dinner table, if you eat together, pick up the bread and ask,
> "Wanna roll?"
>210. That's a really nice smile you've got, shame that's not all you are
> wearing.
>211. Ask girl if she likes jewelry. Then grab your nuts and say,
> "Then suck this, it's a gem!"
>212. You're 'No Parking' right? Just trying to guess your sign.
>213. (Good looking waitress pouring a drink) Say when!
> As soon as I finish this drink.
>214. Lie down. I think I love you.
>215. What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?
>216. My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
>217. My friend and I have a bet that you won't take off you blouse in a
> public place.
>218. Can you believe that just a few hours ago we'd never even been to
> bed together?
>219. Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely
> tuned body?
>220. Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?
> (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?
>221. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by
>morning.
>222. I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
>223. You: Tickle your *ss with a feather?
> Her: What?!
> You: I said 'Particular nice weather?'!
>224. Hey baby, wanna play train conductor? OK. You sit on my face
> and I'll Chew, chew, chew! (choo!)
>225. Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll
> throw you my meat.
>226. Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg?
> No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
>227. Oh, you're a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well,
> would you take this for a swallow?
>228. Stand back, I'm a police officer! You go call for backup and I'll
> frisk her!
>229. Do you have a library card? Good, cause I wanna check you out!
>230. Your warm eyes melt the iciness of my heart.
>231. (At church during a sermon) (Put your arm around your gal...)
> Honey, I don't know where he is....(motioning to the preacher)
> but I do know I'm here with you.
>232. Baby, you look better and better each day...and tonight, you look
> like tomorrow!
>233. Here's a quarter....call your roommate and tell her you won't be
> coming home tonight!
>234. Hey baby, whatdya say we go behind that rock and get a little
> boulder?!?
>235. Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say,
> "Hi Kate!"
> She says, "I'm not Kate!" And you say, as your hand slips a
> little lower, "But you sure feel like her!"
>236. She: Gee, I really enjoyed myself tonight!
> He: Me too. Maybe we could let our bodies enjoy each other
> sometime!
>237. You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
>238. What's your favorite position on extramarital sex?
>239. I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look
> ravishing in black, did you know that? What you need now
> is a nice backrub. Are the straps too tight, darling? How
> tragic. How very, very tragic
>240. I've got an itch honey. Lower. Lower. Ahhh.
>241. I have only three months to live...
>242. Hey baby, what's your sign? All you can eat?
>243. In the produce department: "How can you tell if these things are
> ripe?"
>244. Don't worry about it. Nothing that you've ever done before counts.
> The only thing that matters is that we're together.
>245. I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been
> drinking?
>246. Your daddy must be a drug dealer, cuz you're dope.
>247. Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful
>smile.
>248. Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
>249. Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
>250. As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something?
> She: What?
> Me!
>251. Have you run into any trees lately? Then how bout a root!
>252. If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.
>253. Want to see my stamp collection?
>254. Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches
> and it ain't floppy.
>255. Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no') ,
> OK then, can we just practice?
>256. Excuse me, you have some lipstick on your tooth, mind if I lick it
> off?
>257. Do you know how to use a whip?
>258. Do you wash your panties with Windex? Cuz I keep seeing myself in
> them.
>259. Are those space pants? Cuz your *ss is out of this world!
>260. How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know
> what to make for you in the morning!
>261. Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
>262. Hi, wanna f*ck?
> Her: No!
> Mind lying down while I have one?
>263. Baby, I'm an American Express lover....you shouldn't go home
> without me!
>264. Baby, I'm a Nike lover....just do it.
>265. Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
>266. Excuse me, maam, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
>267. I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
> Her: No.
> Well then, please start.
>268. I've got the ship, you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for
>the
> night?
>269. Would you like to come over to my place later? You can bring some
> friends because my face seats five.
>270. Wanna go halves in a baby?
>271. I hear you like to sing.
> Her: Yeah...
> (Whip out your pud) Well, then step up to the mike!
>272. Beauty is only a light switch away...
>273. Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me?
>274. I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
>275. Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you
> turn me on!
>276. Stand still so I can pick you up!
>277. Hi, we're taking a survey and I need your phone number. If you give
> it to me, I'll call you and tell you the results.
>278. I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
>279. Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
>280. Do you like music?(Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo in my car!
>281. Are you looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now?
>282. Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up
> with a biscuit!
>283. Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to
> go with the face.
>284. Pardon me, but are those stretch marks around your mouth?
>285. Do you hula?
>286. I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?
>287. Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?
>288. I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of
> heaven.
>289. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my
> feet.
>290. Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
>291. Go up to a girl at a bar or a dance and ask her "do you want
> a f*ck (wait for a second gauging her reaction)
> ...ing drink.
>292. Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws
> like a tiger?" She says no.
> Then wink.
>293. Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere?
>294. Excuse me do fries come with that shake?
>295. I'd spend money on you I haven't even made.
>296. I would give you more money than a show dog could jump over.
>297. Baby, you look good coming AND going!
>298. I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
>299. I can't decide if you are a better person than you are a woman or
> you are a better woman than you are a person.
>300. Well hello there! How you screwin; glad to eat ya!
>301. I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
>302. Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers?
> No.
> Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
>303. If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
>304. You look like my third wife.
> She: Oh, how many time have you been married?
> Twice.
>305. Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've
> broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
>306. I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
>307. You know what I like about you? My arms.
>308. What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me.
>309. So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more
> than just conversation?
>310. You make my software turn to hardware!
>311. As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
>322. Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you
> on earth!
>323. Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
>324. Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!
>325. Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched
> by an angel?
>326. Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
>327. You must be a hell of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across
> the room
>328. There are 256 bones in the human body. How'd ya like one more?
>329. You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
>330. You're ugly but you intrigue me.
>331. I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.
>332. (Wait til the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and
> alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say, )
> come on, we're leaving.
>333. You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
>334. Do you think I could borrow that dress/bustier sometime?
>335. I found this [lace glove, rosary, etc.] on the floor at the club
>last
> night, is it yours? Well, if it's not, I'd like to give it to you
> anyway.
>336. Is that your boyfriend? I think you can do better than that!
>337. I keep all of my most important poems and drawings in this little
> book. And I'd like you to have it because they're mostly about you.
>338.
> Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity
> rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm....weird chick.
>339. We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment
> and f*ck.
>340. By the way, are you 23?
>341. Roses are red, tulips are not, do you wanna go home with me and f*ck
>
>342. Just wanted to tell you I love the way you dance.
>343. Hi. Are you cute?
>344. So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll
>give
> you a full refund.
>345. So you're a girl huh?
>346. Do you like food?
>347. Do you like music?
>348. what lovely eyes you have... I used to have some just like them.
>349. Blow me if I'm wrong, but you wanna f*ck me.
>350. Are you here alone or am I going to have to kill someone to win your
> affection?
>351. I'd like to tie you to a rafter and f*ck you up and down.
>352. Would you please come home with me and tie me up...
>353. Wow.
>354. That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer, huh.
>355. (While looking at someone and waiting for them to say anything)
> Oh, I'm doing fine! And you?
>356. Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later
> tonight?
>357. Hi, I just moved to this city and was wondering if you could
>recommend
> a good restaurant here. Would you also like to join me?
>358. My drink is getting lonely, so would you like to join me with one?
>359. Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
>360. Hey! I like your shoes! Do you like mine??
>361. walk up to a girl, put your hands on her shoulders, and say, "I'd
> like to get something straight between us." and then look at
> your crotch
>362. I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
>363. Can I taste your drink/dish? (Then lean over and kiss her.)
>364. Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind
> me of myself?
>365. Can I please be your slave tonight?
>366. You should be someone's wife.
>367. What can I do to make you sleep with me?
>368. Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers?
>369. Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?
>370. Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars?
> She (sheepishly): Yes.
> Well then, would you sleep with me for 20 cents?
> She: No, what kind of woman do you think I am?
> We've established what kind of woman that you are, we're just
> haggling over the price.
>371. You know, I've *always* wanted to sleep with you.
>372. If you spot a girl waiting in a restaurant/theater/club for someone,
> go up to her and say,
> "If he doesn't show up, I'll be right over here."
> --OR--
> Waiting to be picked up?
>373. Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.
>374. God must have been in a very good mood the day we met.
>375. Be unique and different, say yes.
>376. If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.
>377. Would you like to be in movies?
>378. Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose.
> What?
> reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP.
>379. I wonder what our children will look like.
>380. Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
>381. Take off that dress and f*ck my brains out, you cave newt.
>382. Did you know that the word 'motel' spelled backwards means 'letom'?
>383. Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
>384. If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.
>385. Want to see my stamp collection?
>386. Don't you know me from somewhere?
>387. Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This
> Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
>388. Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
>389. Your legs look cold. Do you want me to warm them up?
>390. Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'
>391. I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data. What are
> your measurements?
>392. (Walk into her chest) "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have
> happened.
>393. Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
>394. Love is like a rug. So you can walk all over me and lie on me.
>395. Chicks dig me. I wear colored underwear.
>396. Excuse me, do you have change for a $1000 bill?
>397. Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
>398. Will you marry me for just one night?
>399. I'm an organ donor, need anything?
>400. Hey baby, I want to lick your thighs.
>401. Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
>402. Just where do those legs of yours end?
>403. Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
>404. Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let's get the hell
> out of here.
>405. Does my breath smell okay?
>406. You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and
> knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow.
>407. You are so fine that I'd eat your sh*t just to see where it came
>from.
>408. If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.
>409. Here's your chance to get to know me.
>410. Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the
> room?
>411. You are the reason men fall in love.
>412. I was, am, and will forever be crazy about you.
>413. I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
>414. Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
>415. Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?
>416. You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other
> women look really bad.
>417. Hi, I'm new to this country and you are the prettiest sight I've see
> so far. Can you give me a tour of your body?
>418. You're the one I've been saving this drink/seat/ticket to Hawaii for.
>419. Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!
>420. You know, I'm not just an interesting person, I have a nice body,
>too.
>421. What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
>422. What time do you have to be back in heaven?
>423. So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my
> dreams!
>424. You are just truly absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean
>also?
>425. "My that shirt is becomming on you, 'course if I were on you, I'd be
> cumming too!"
>426. ....how about a ride home.....TOMORROW

bubbles

What can i say Draco....

Asuka

Hmmm - i tried all of those on the one girl and she wasnt impressed...

Seriously tho, someone has too much time on their hands

I dont know if these ones are there, and im not going to read them all to check;

1) Get your coat, you've pulled. (And yes, the McDonalds ad *did* nick that one from me )
2) Hehe.. do you like... hehe... goats? Hehe...
3) Would it bother you terribly if i
buggered you senseless?
4) Hi. Im gay. No, wait a second...

There are more, but they can wait until i
remember them

A

whitetrash

i dont know if anyone has said this yet but...

guy - what winks and screws like a tiger?
girl - what?
guy - (wink at her)

---

"...perhaps one day we might find out."
wHiTe-TrAsH.cjb.net

Swinga

Ok, now to give you folks some tastes of AMERICAN pick up lines, (he he he)

Wow that's a lovly dress, but can i talk you out of it??

---

Guy: "OH MY GOD!! Are you okay??"
Girl: "Umm...Yeah...Why??"
Guy: "Well, i was just checking to see if you got hurt when you fell from heaven"

---

The word is legs, want to come back to my place and spread the word??

---

You and me, we're only animals, so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel!!

---

walk up to a girl and check the tag on the back of her shirt/blouse/dress/whatever. When she asks what the hell you're doing, say "I was just checking to see if you were made in heaven"

---

I lost my phone number....Can i have yours??

Dazzer

Excuse me I seemed to have lost my virginty may I take yours?

Jak

..And if they don't work it's just you.

the celtic tiger

SO....you come here often???

Guarenteed winner!


tct

WhiteWashMan

or, you could be a smoothie and try the one htat made the love of my life open her heart to me...
at last years FA cup she was watching the match in the pub. shes a utd supporter (im in therapy for it) and i just called her 'scum' and 'filth' to her face in a light hearted manner and she couldnt resist me.

what can i say?

just dont mention quake or computers.
wimmin hate geeks (yes, you are one!)

SHADOW

Or just 4 a laff:

Guy - U know I hav a psycic watch....
Gal - eehhmm OK....
Guy - Yeah it tells me stuff...
Gal - [Looks @ u like u r wierd as ****]
Guy - For example..[put watch 2 ear]..its
telling me that u're not wearing any
knickers!
Is that true?
Gal - eeehh NO..[shes lookin pi$$ed now]
Guy - Oh look thats cos its 2 hrs fast...
how far away is u're place?

SantaHoe

LOL, I used number 131 (on Drakos' list) before and... well let's just say it didn't work , I was pretty much in before I said that one! DOH!

I don't use chat-up lines (much), 'cuz I think that most (if not all) of them are seriously corny, sad, and are more likely to ruin your chances of 'pulling' due to the fact that she'll think you're either a pubic-lice ridden sleeze-bag, or a sad loner who doesn't know how to talk to women.

Lets face it, if she's attracted to you, you'll be in with a chance by just introducing yourself.
Unless of course she's very... very drunk.

jules.old

Best chat up line in the World,
ever,
" I may not be Fred Flintstone, but i will make your BEDROCK!!!"
Thats it.
Jules
http://come.to/gangstersparadise

pat kenny

"sorry are you andrea corr"
"o no you cant be your much better looking"

"thats a nice dress it would look nice on ME"

Paladin

Did anyone ever tell you that you have eyes like spanners?

Every time you look at me my nuts tighten.

the celtic tiger

Well FRANCES FARMER (STAPO)
The game is up.....good name though!!!
tct

Steven

Ah, some very original ones there (not u paladin ) Nice one bout the psychic watch btw. Some of the one's in the big list repeat though, but there are still a lot of them. Oh, and Swinga, all those lines were in the big list. So nyaaaa

[This message has been edited by Steven (edited 11-02-2000).]

Steven

[Only works with me!!]
You know what they say about guys with long hair?

Steven

Ohohoh, another one.
What I lack in attention span, I make up in size

Steven

Ah-hah, I gotta stopm this rapid fire stuff, here's another one.
I'm sorry, what did you say? I was staring at your t!ts
Or, the classic. Don't worry, I don't look at the mantlepiece when I'm stoking the fire

Steven

There are some drastic failures though. This usually starts with the question "So Steven, how much do you earn?" . "What are you're hobbies?" . "Do you want to ****?" . I know that last one didn't sound so bad, but it ws Paladin asking the question

Paladin

The word was s-h-i-t, cause I put laxitave in his pepsi (he doesnt drink anything else)

SantaHoe

You dont have to do that Santa

[This message has been edited by Monty - the one and only (edited 14-02-2000).]

SantaHoe

BLAH BLAH BLAH

SantaHoe

BLAH BLAH BLAH

SantaHoe

BLAH BLAH BLAH

SantaHoe

BLAH BLAH BLAH

Take it

Put your healmet on luv your going through the head board

im sure that most the lines are used in the 400+ post but i couldnt be arsed reading it

Steven

Shut it Paladin ya funny bastid . Let all ppl know his true nature! He is really an 800lb Chernobyl born woman who is the proprietor and sole customer of an "adult toys" shop. As if this wasn't bad enough, he supports Liverpool (no offence to any other liverpool fan on the face of the planet ). Ok, prepare for a witty comeback from Nikita, I mean Paladin, whose favourite chat-up line is "just think what I could do with all these extra fingers

Steven

Well, that's not entirely true. Oh, alright. He's 17, he lives in west cork and he sucks at DM

ann

FRANCES EH!
THE ONE THAT ALWAYS WORKS FOR ME IS
...." PADDYPADDY ". SOMETIMES I JUST SAY
"WYNNER" AND I HAVE IT IN THE BAG.
USUALLY MY NAME "ANN" MAKES PEOPLE CRAZY
AND THEY ARE MINE.
WHAT ABOUT YOU STAPS, WHATS YOUR BEST LINE.
OR PERHAPS THEY JUST FALL FOR THE CRUISE-CONTROL OR THE TRACTION-CONTROL OR IS IT THE
SEAT WARMERS. NA I BET ITS THE ON-BOARD COMPUTER.
BYE BYE

---

Stephen

Maybe it's the caps lock.

RacheI MaIon

Staps, you missed one!

paddypaddy

ah no way staps, you missed another,
after all your long hours trying to be
smart, getting as many names as you can think of.
bye bye

Emer Molloy

I guess I can't win them all Smurfy!!

Karen Wynne

Ah, maybe next time!
keep it up!

Patsy

I got a whippin' in Wexford from PaddyPaddyEircom!!
(Goff-Baby,Molloyer)

Your Ma

"......You talkin to me!"

Paladin

I smell spam in the air

---

One ring to rule them all, One ring to to find them,
One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

Wyverne

U all forgot the best chat up lines of all. Maybe its because im the only real dude here :P That i was able to remember them, so here are the only chat up lines u should ever consider using

---

guy: hey ***** wanna f**k
girl: ohmygod noooooooo
guy: well then bend over so i can have one.

---

:P

i was standing over across the way
and thought i'd come over and simply say
that u dont really look at all that mank
any chance of giving me a nice 'ol TIT ****

---

guy:how do u like ur eggs in the morning
girl: unfertilised so f**k off

---

Roses are red
violets are blue
im gonna get shagged
but then, so are u.

---

guy walks up to a girl whose wearing a clown suit.

hi, u look like the kind of girl that would enjoy a spot of hilarious yet casual sex#

---

"HOW U DOIN'"

---

"U KNOW my last girlfriend was very like u"
girl: really, (smiling)
guy: yeah but her tits were bigger

SLAP!!!!!

---

GUY: DID U KNOW THAT THERE ARE 216 BONES IN THE HUMAN BODY,
girl: yes, actually i did
guy: yeah, but sometimes there can be 217
girl: no there ca...........

---

adam was walking around heaven bored as ****.
god asked adam,
God: adam would u like a playmate
adam: yes god im very bored
god: ok then adam if u give me your left leg
i can creatre a playmate for u

adam looked at his leg, jumped up and down, then turned back to god
adam: what can i get for a spare rib?????

---

"if u let me suck ur tits, i'll let u suck my d**k

---

u know i could go on and on and on and on and on and on, but i wont for two reasons

1. i haven't got that much time
2. i am too in awe of dracco to attempt to equal his mastery

hehe

---

This is Commander in chief of the USS Esses, signing off.

Feral Mutant

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

biko

Ladies and gentlemen, is this a new "dig up old thread" record?
Maybe... maybe not...

OT: "I may be ugly, fat and short, but at least I have balls"