Disorder in the courts!

Seaneh · 01-05-2002 9:54pm #1

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are the things people actually said in court, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of actually staying calm while these exchanges were taking place. Some of these are excellent; don't miss the last one..

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something
you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep,he doesn't know anything about it until the next
morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception [of the baby] was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go
to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8.30 pm.
Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?

A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But the patient could still have been alive,
nevertheless?
A: Yes it is possible that he could have been alive and
practising law somewhere.

the omen · 02-05-2002 10:35am

Brilliant!

Ruaidhri · 02-05-2002 12:06pm

ohhhhhh shiney

tribble · 02-05-2002 1:32pm

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.

I HATE when that happens...

woosaysdan · 02-05-2002 2:18pm

Very good probably the best i've seen on Boards yet!!! Excellent 10/10!!!

Spiffing · 02-05-2002 4:03pm

Brill

EvilGeorge · 02-05-2002 4:12pm

Nice to know the world is still populated by mupets.

MindPhuck · 02-05-2002 7:01pm

class

El Marco · 02-05-2002 7:03pm

Oh thats enough of a laugh for my week anyway, pure class.

Oeneus · 03-05-2002 8:35am

Are they real?

Kraken · 03-05-2002 11:06am

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8.30 pm.
Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

there very good. best ive seen in a while.