What should you do if you think someone is in danger of killing themself

Boston

Im not going into detail, but today i found out soemthing and alot of **** clicked into place in my mind.It started about a year ago and slowly go worse, i see that now. Im kind of afraid, theres been situations like this before in my life, were people didnt pay attention to the signs and a cousin of mine hung himself at 14.

This person wouldnt have told me this today if the person wasnt looking for help, and im ****ed if i know what to say. I guess the person told me because i tend to be a cold bastard and not suffer from depression or uncontrolable angre.

My natural instinct is to say nothing, but im scared to do nothing.
Im of the believe that a friend can do more good then some guy at the end of a phone line or "doctor"

francie brady

You got to say something. This person needs to feel thats theres someone there for them. It could be the thought of facing life alone that is driving them that way. If you don't want to talk directly about the situation, just try and show them you are there for them. The fact that they said something is a good sign it means they want to be helped and you got to act on this. To be honest i don't know what to say. Just be there, all you have to do is listen.

Boston

I dont know, Im a pretty cold bastard and ive never talked to anybody about emotions. Basically i really think its teenage crap but its to serious now to say that.

francie brady

I was imotionally cold too. Till my mother nearly drink herslef to death and i had no choice. you got to let them know you are there. You don't have to talk about it all the time. I'm sure you know their reasons. Just be there. BE a FRIEND.

Hobbes

Well telling them "I'm there for you" doesn't always work. Different people have different motives to why they would want to end their life. To some thier reason can seem extremly trivial to others (telling them this won't help much either).

First thing you need to do is determine how much of a risk they are at taking thier life. One example I posted (which got nuked by mods ) is to ask them how they plan to kill themselves.

Someone who is serious about taking thier life will give you a detailed plan, where as someone who's low risk may say something like taking drug overdose but not knowing what drugs to take or where to get them.

If they are high risk it would be recommended that they seek professional help as soon as possible.

Azezil posted a good site about it on the mod board (in discussion about another thread/person).

Someone should post Irish based groups that deal with this sort of thing as well.

Boston

I dont know if he has thought of killing himself, Im almost sure he has though. He doesnt sleep, he stays awake all night thinking, and hes cut himself afew times, i dotn think thsi has reached climate yet but im sure it will

chernobyl

Originally posted by Hobbes
Someone who is serious about taking thier life will give you a detailed plan

Too subjective and anyone who is about to commit suicide is a closed book, you most likely wont get anything out of them.

Baz_

Hey boston thats a big time toughie (understatement of existence, I know), and I'm not even going to pretend what Im talking about, but if you can, try to think logically about how you would go about solving the problem and then talk to the person and try to steer them towards thinking like that too.

Like I said I dont really know what Im talking about, so I'll leave it at that and wish you luck.

kitton

you should say something,even if it isn't at the point where he's about to kill themselves,he still needs help if he's even contemplating it or cutting himselfs.its a bit cruel to say suicidal people's reasons for killing themselves are trivial,whatever the reason.
just be direct and question him about it,simple reason might work if you don't want to get emotional.but be prepared for their reaction,he might get angry for interfering but just tell him you were worried.
whatever you do,don't do nothing,you'll regret it so much if he does do anything to himself.

Venom

But on a serious note if you feel you cant help this person then tell somone you think will be able to.Ask the samaratans or something about it.

Hobbes

Originally posted by chernobyl


Too subjective and anyone who is about to commit suicide is a closed book, you most likely wont get anything out of them.

Well apart from the link I gave you that information was given to me by a professional counsellor. I don't claim to know enough but I was told warning signs to watch out for.

Not everyone will be a closed book, some can be quite level headed and cheerful about the whole thing.

There is another page at that site that might answer Bostons questions a bit more as well.

LegacyUser

Sounds like even if your friend isnt suicidal he/she is definitely looking for help from somewhere. I've been there and I know what its like to have someone lean on you like that. Ive found its really important to be there for someone but its also important to get them the help they need. Your friend should go to the Dr and explain how he/shes been feeling.He'll be able to tell if your friend needs medical help like antidepressants (which he probably does) or sort him out with a councellor. Its really important that you take he/she takes that step....it could save his life or prevent him living in misery for months.....and you cant be soley responsible for such a big thing either

Beruthiel

as yet, I have no experience with this tg, but you know something Boston, most people don't know how to listen properly, try to get him to talk and just listen, there is no point to offer suggestions, I don't believe that's even what he wants. Let him talk till he's finished and then ask the questions you believe he should be thinking about, if you know what I mean.
and good luck, it's tough.

BuffyBot

While a simple "Look I'm here anytime you want to talk about anything" may not work wonders - it can't hurt either.

People in the frame of mind often feel that others won't understand, or care enough to help them - so sometime you just have to keep drilling it in that you do.

Kraken

just talk to them. no need to be emotional. ask they why they are so down? etc try to find out the cause that way you may be able to see a solution. If you find yourself stumped it may be best to consult someone else maybe someone who knows him. If he cant sllep that could be causing a lot of problems in itself. He should consider going to see a doc about it. It may be a medical condition instaed of a mental condition. (you know what i mean)


The person must trut you if they have talked to you about some of it. So use that trust to find out more with out loosing it.

neuro-praxis

I think that idea mentioned before to give the Samaritans a call is the right idea. Ask the Samaritans what is the best way to approach this type of thing. They know what they're doing.

Boston, you say that you're cold emotionally (or at least appear to be). This may have been one of the reasons that this chap came to you - he probably thought you wouldn't flip out about it. When somebody talks to someone else about perhaps killing themselves it is usually a cry for help. Don't inform anyone that might act hysterically about it. Do as Beruthiel said and offer an ear.

Reassuring this person that he is worthy might also be a good idea. Using emotional blackmail such as "So and so would be devastated if you did this" would probably be counter-productive. Explaining that black periods are a normal part of life might help. Letting him know that what seems insurmountable now will seem very small in 5 years time. If he is a teenager let him know that there are many things that he has yet got to experience - love, travel, college or whatever.

I don't know what else to say. I'll pray that it works out okay! Good luck, Boston. You're a good friend.

Boston

Soem good advice, i dont really know how to get him to talk about it without, confronting him, or at least it seeming that way. The think is we hang around in a group and im the only one that knows so theres litte opertunity to talk.

LegacyUser

some of the advice is relavent and could turn out to be productive.

the only thing is that you have got to try and put yourself in his shoes. no matter how much you tell someone that everything will turn out ok in the end, doesnt matter once your in the frame of mind to consider suicide. I should know I was the suicidle person who had people telling me this. Just try to get him through the next few weeks. Dont talk months or weeks with him because everything has to do with right now in his mind. Ask him have they ever considered going to a consellor and reassure them that everything would be confidential. Make them aware of your own fears aswell. Reassure them by telling them the truth. If you dont know how to react to what you've been told, then tell them. They will appreiciate that.

Also get them to consider writing how they feel down on paper. Say it was an idea you had read bout online. They can do wotever they want with the paper once they have finished writing it i.e. burn it, tear it up. If they are afraid that anyone else mite read it. This method worked for me and has done for a number of people that I know who were in a similar situation. It's a good step in the right direction.

Best of Luck

smiles

I know too many people who are threatening suicide, it's rather scary, and there isn't really much that you can do about it other than be there for them to turn to and to talk to.

Support is the one thing i'm continuely asked for, and it is the hardest thing in the world to give.

You are not responsible for someone who does commit suicide, it is their feelings and their emotions, not whether or not you were a good enough friend/relation of theirs.

Trying is hard.

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The_Conductor

Hi-

can be a very tough thing to do. I know the situation you're in- I was there myself a few years ago. In my case the particular friend was also abusive towards herself. She would cut arms, or legs in places where it would not be seen. She always seemed to be either overly happy- literally bubbling over in effervescent happiness, or deep in the troughs of the worst possible depressions. We were both on the fringes of a group, where we originally met, and while not "loners" found it difficult to relate to other people. This seemingly slight similiarity drew us together, and over time allowed the person to open up to me. I'm not a cold person- like you claim to be, but I also had no idea what to do. She did not want help from me, I think all she wanted was someone to talk to. To be 100% honest, I don't know if I helped any, but I was there and I was willing to listen when she wanted to talk. Eventually she emigrated. I've popped her an e-mail once or twice, and the response I've gotten is that I belong to a time in her life that she wants to forget. I'm not hurt by that- it means that she has moved on, hopefully to be a more mature person, respecting both herself and others. There is no moral to my little story, all stories are different. We all get depressed from time to time, some of us are better able to drag ourselves out of it than others.
I'm surprised that no-one has brought up the comments from our junior minister of Health, a certain McDaid from Donegal- where he called people who commit sucide or contemplate it- "Selfish Bastards". I believe that these comments show a fundamental misunderstanding of the issues and emotions facing people who contemplate suicide, or who delibertly harm themselves. Harming ones self is a definite call for help, but of my few friends who commited suicide in the past (2), neither ever at any stage harmed themselves previously. If anything they were, or at least seemed to be happy outgoing people. Both were old school friends- and after the shock of their actions had faded the emotion that remains is "Why?". There were no signs- none that I saw anyway. Beneath those happy exteriors, there must have been turmoil. Why did no-one see anything? Or did someone see something and do nothing? Was there anything I could have done? I certainly do not think they were "selfish bastards", but cannot but keep going around in a circle- what did I miss, was there anything I could have done. All I can do is remember them as they were. The little signs we pass in every day life, in memory of other people bring them to mind- e.g. outside the main gate to UCD on the flyover on the Stillorgan road- a simple little plaque, always with a fresh flower- I won't name the person the epitaph states quite simply- "Blithe Spirit".