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A few (bad) jokes

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  • 19-05-2002 1:25pm
    #1
    Qualm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 142 ✭✭


    1.
    Q. Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
    A. Cos they're ugly and they smell bad.


    2.
    These two guys are stranded in the desert after a plane crash. Its really hot and dry (surprisingly) and after days of wandering through the sand, they feel the end is near. All of a sudden, over a sand dune a cool pool of water in the shade of a big tree appears. The 2 are over the moon when they also see that there are strips of bacon hanging on the tree, they figure they can live for as long as possible. One of them starts walking towards the oasis, hes getting closer and closer, when out of nowhere, a shot is fired and it hits him in the chest! Theres nobody around, therye in the middle of the desert, the other fella is really confused. The guy who was shot manages to crawl back to the other guy and say, exasperated...

    "Its not a bacon tree... Its a ham bush!


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    #2
    Spiffing
    Closed Accounts Posts: 536 ✭✭✭Spiffing


    Better version of joke 2 (sorry) :)

    A group of legionnaires strode through the scorching desert. They hadn't had water for three days and hadn't eaten for a week but they did not crack, they kept marching solidly on.

    Suddenly one of them froze, " Psssst " said he. His companions halted, and strained their eyes to where the first legionnaire was pointing.

    " Le voila ", said he, " Regardez, mes amis, isn't zat a bacon tree on ze 'orizon "?.

    And sure enough, there it stood, proudly and defiant in the middle of the dessert, a true bacon tree. Slowly they crept forward towards the mystery object far off. Inch by inch, centimetre by centimetre, until they were within a stone's throw of the bacon tree.

    Ever nearer they crept, and suddenly, a shot rang out, dropping one of the legionnaires in his tracks. The other legionnaires hit the ground as bullets thudded into the sand around them. The other two returned fire, and gave first aid to their wounded companion.

    Even as they bandaged him, and poured water over his face, they could hear his faint voice: " Zat was no bacon tree, " he gasped, " Zat was an 'am bush."

    Other joke:

    Q: What did Mike Tyson say to Vincent Van Gogh?

    A: You gonna eat that?

    :D


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