the science of farting [LONG READ]

GoneShootin · 04-06-2002 2:58pm #1

EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT FARTS, BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK.

What makes farts stink?

The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and
mercaptans in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. Nitrogen-rich
compounds such as skatole and indole also add to the stench of farts. The
more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and mercaptans will be
produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your farts will stink.
Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly
farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky farts.

Why are stinky farts generally warmer and quieter than regular farts?

(Question submitted by many, many people!) Most fart gas comes from
swallowed air and consists largely of nitrogen and carbon dioxide, the
oxygen having been absorbed by the time it reaches the anal opening. These
gases are odorless, although they often pick up other (and more odiferous)
components on the way through the bowel. They emerge from the anus in
fairly large bubbles at body temperature. A person can often achieve a good
sound with these voluminous farts, but they are commonly (but not always!)
mundane with respect to odor, and don't feel particularly warm.

Another major source of fart gas is bacterial action. Bacterial
fermentation and digestion processes produce heat as a byproduct as well as
various pungent gases. The resulting bubbles of gas tend to be small, hot,
and concentrated with stinky bacterial metabolic products. These emerge as
the notorious, warm, SBD (Silent-But-Deadly), often in amounts too small to
produce a good sound, but excelling in stench.

How much gas does a normal person pass per day?

On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day,
distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts. Whereas it may
be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus volume, you can
certainly keep track of your daily numerical fart count. You might try this
as a science fair project: Keep a journal of everything you eat and a count
of your farts. You might make a note of the potency of their odor as well.
See if you can discover a relationship between what you eat, how much you
fart, and how much they smell.

How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose?

(Question submitted by SteF) Fart travel time depends on atmospheric
conditions such as humidity, temperature and wind speed and direction, the
molecular weight of the fart particles, and the distance between the fart
transmitter and the fart receiver. Farts also disperse (spread out) as they
leave the source, and their potency diminishes with dilution. Generally, if
the fart is not detected within a few seconds, it will be too dilute for
perception and will be lost into the atmosphere forever. Exceptional
conditions exist when the fart is released into a small enclosed area such
as an elevator, a small room, or a car.

These conditions limit the amount of dilution possible, and the fart may
remain in a smellable concentration for a long period of time, until it
condenses on the walls.

Is it true that some people never fart?

No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.

At what time of day is a gentleman most likely to fart? (Submitted by David)

A gentleman is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning, while in
the bathroom. This is known as "morning thunder," and if the gentleman gets
good resonance, it can be heard throughout the household.

Why are beans so notorious for making people fart?

Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. When these sugars reach
our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big feast, and make lots of
gas! Other notorious fart-producing foods include corn, bell peppers,
cabbage, milk, and raisins. A friend of mine had a dog who was
exceptionally fond of apples and turnips. The dog would eat these things
and then get prodigious gas. A dog's digestive system is not equipped to
handle such vegetable matter, so the dog's bacteria worked overtime to
produce remarkable flatulence.

What things other than diet can make a person fart more than usual?

People who swallow a lot of air fart more than people who don't. This can
be cured somewhat by chewing with your mouth closed. Nervous people with
fast moving bowels will fart more because less air is absorbed out of the
intestines. Some disease conditions can cause excess flatulence. And going
up in an airplane or other low-pressure environment can cause the gas
inside you to expand and emerge as flatulence.

Is a fart really just a burp that comes out the wrong end?

No, a burp emerges from the stomach and has a different chemical
composition from a fart. Farts have less atmospheric gas content and more
bacterial gas content than burps.

Is it harmful to hold in farts?

There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have
believed for centuries that retaining flatulence is bad for the health.
Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of
concern for people's health. There was a widespread belief that a person
could be po isoned or catch a disease by retaining farts. Doctors I have
spoken to recently have told me that there is no particular harm in holding
in farts. Farts will not poison you; they are a natural component of your
intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a
stomach ache from the gas pressure. But one doctor suggested that
pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in
farts too much.

How long would it be possible to not fart? (Question submitted by Ineed69too)

As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person
relaxes. This means that a lot of people who assiduously refrain from
farting during the day do so at great length as soon as they fall asleep.
Having been on a great many overnight field trips, long bus trips, and
trans- Pacific flights, I can personally vouch for the fact that lots of
people do fart voluminously as they doze off. So the answer to the question
would be, you can refrain from farting as long as you can stay awake!

Do all people fart in their sleep? (Question submitted by MrBlack)

I have not made a scientific study of this, but I don't think all people
fart in their sleep. I think mainly those who refuse to fart when they're
awake do so when dozing off. For other people, toilet training takes such a
strong hold that they let nothing pass their sphincters in sleep. For these
people, the gas accumulates in the night and they vent it upon awakening.

Where do farts go when you hold them in?

How often have you held in a fart, intending to release it at the first
appropriate opportunity, only to find that the fart has disappeared when
you are ready for it? I asked several doctors where the fart goes. Does it
leak out slowly without the person knowing it? Is it absorbed into the
bloodstream? What happens to it? The doctors agree that the fart is neither
released nor absorbed. It simply migrates back upward into the intestine
and comes out later. It is reassuring to know that such farts aren't really
lost, just delayed.

How can one cover up a fart? (Question submitted by Mouseweed)

There is a company called Fartypants that sells underwear designed to
absorb the odor of farts. If you should be caught without your Fartypants,
another ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present, or
complain about how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper
mill. As for the sound... if you are in a large group of people, act
oblivious and innocent, or glance quickly at the person next to you, as if
you think he/she did it. Other strategies include coughing or suddenly
moving your chair so that people think that they misheard the fart.

If you are with one other person, you can act as if nothing happened, and
the other person may believe he was mistaken in thinking he heard a fart.
CJT addresses the problem of farting loudly in a public restroom as
follows: "My solution: use a handful of loose toilet paper, cover your butt
hole and it will muffle the farting; my friends and I call it the 'Buff
Muff'!" Depending upon the company, another strategy is not to cover it up,
but to proudly proclaim the fart as your own grand accomplishment and to
issue a challenge to the others to outdo that one if they think they can.

Is it really possible to ignite farts?

The answer to that is yes! However, you should be aware that people get
injured igniting flatulence. Not only can the flame back up into your
colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may catch on fire. A survey
done by Fartcloud (the site, alas! is no more) indicates that about a
quarter of the people who ignited their farts got burned doing it. Ignition
of flatulence is a hazardous practice. However, if you want to try it, and
you don't have a friend to light your fart for you, you might find it
easier to accomplish the job using the Fartlighter. There have also been
cases in which intestinal gases with a higher than normal oxygen content
have exploded during surgery when electric cautery was used by the surgeon.

Why is possible to burn farts?

Farts burn because they contain methane (usually) and hydrogen, both of
which are flammable gases. (Hydrogen was the same gas that was used in the
ill fated Hindenburg dirigible.) Farts tend to burn with a blue or yellow
flame.