Stars in Their Eyes

PyjamaMan

One Night on stars in their eyes a contestant in a wheelchair rolls onto the stage. Matthew Kelly says Hello whats your name and where do you come from.
The fella says "Hi my name is simon and im from the lake district."
The crowd applauds.
Matthew asks tell us a bit about yourself and simon continues on.
Matthew, a bit bewildered then asks... i hope you dont mind me asking but, how did you end up in a wheelchair?
Simon says-> ach its a bad story, em me and me uncle where driving down a wee country road and we drove around a corner. To our suprise we were met by a lorrt driving on the same side of the road. As we braked and truned to get out of the road, the lorry driver braked as well and jack-knifed the lorry..... it knocked us upside down and we were trapped inside the car.
Matthew says -> god thats terrible hows your uncle.
Simon says -> he passed away im afraid... we were both on life support machines and i pulled round first... when my uncle came round he was still in a bad condition but he said if he dies, and the doctors can use any parts of my body, take them and save simons life.... so thanks to my uncle im here today because i had to get my legs amputated and he donated his to me.
Matthew turns round and says "ladys and gentlemen round of applause for simon and his brilliant uncle"
Mathew turns to simon and says " who are going to be tonight simon?"

Simon says -> "Tonight Mathew, im going to be Simon and Half-uncle"

Mossy Monk

i like that. great joke

Zaphod B

may i burn in hell for laughin out loud at that ...

yes i may