a joke or two

Rabies · 09-07-2002 9:52am #1

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked
robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily
the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because
it's too risky to operate.

All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in
tears. What's wrong" asks the mother. I was having a wee and this bullet
came out" replies the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains
what happened 16 years before.

About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. "Mom,
I was having a wee and this bullet came out".
Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years
before.

A week later the son walks into the room in tears. "It's okay" says the mum,
"I know what happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was having a w*nk and I shot the dog"

___________________________________________________

Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play::

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favourite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segal. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid."

Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

So Arnold says...

Wait for it, its a beauty..........

"I'll be Bach."