can men and women be friends?

Duke of Well

Yes they can be friends but only if the guy is some Gay Irish Padddie

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Beruthiel
so basically, what you're telling me is, I should go out and make new male friends, but they must be all over 50?? :mad:
do you have no friend who are girls then Corinthian??

Some guys learn to keep it in their pants when they were still in their teens and others never do. I think to quote 50 is a little unfair (to both men under and over 50, if for different reasons :rolleyes: ).

do you have no friend who are girls then Corinthian??

No, not really. I have a good few who are women though

The Sweeper

Mocar,

with reference to your question on why my best mate and I even discussed the notion of us getting together, it's because we both recognise the fact that the duration our friendship and the complete lack of attraction on either side is unusual. We never sat and said 'will we, wont we', we sat and said 'I can't understand why such-and-such a person keeps going on about us, yeah me neither' sort of thing.

We reckon we'll still be mates when we're in nursing homes.

(Actually, to be exact, he reckons I'll phone him to come for a smoke and he'll have to zimmer-frame it down the road from the nursing home he's in because I'm apparently a lazy wench.)

Shinji

'Course they can. And even where there's sexual attraction involved on one side of the relationship, that doesn't necessarily prevent a fantastic friendship - I can think of a number of friends who I find very attractive sexually, but I'm more than happy to continue an enjoyable friendship with them rather than risk it all by trying anything else. Hell, a couple of them are perfectly aware of how I feel, but it doesn't bother them because they know that I value their friendship more than anything else.

My main problem with friendships with women is that they basically become "one of the lads" - I'm incapable of making allowances for gender in a context of friendship. So, if a female friend can manage my bluntness and somewhat warped sense of humour, then great - if not we tend to end up either arguing or being utterly confused by each others reactions to situations

smiles

I dunno Shinji, i tend to become one of the lads when i'm around my mates (mainly because they're mostly guy) -- see the bruises on my knees after the drinking games at the last boards beer to prove that -- but generally I find that most guys i know tend to always see you as a mate whos a girl, rather than just a mate. Hence some awkward moments, but well once they're gotten over and both the male and the female know where they stand, well then it's usually fine.

It's the women on women you have to worry about, right majd?

<< Fio >>

mocar

this is getting confusing. maybe i should have posted a poll!!!!
mo;)

Greenbean

so basically, what you're telling me is, I should go out and make new male friends, but they must be all over 50??

Thats not really fair that your male friends can't be your friends if they find you attractive. If the situation is where the man values the friendship first, and finds the attraction a nice bonus, then it shouldn't be a problem. If its the reverse though, its much better that things be brought to head rather than having a friendship under false pretenses.

Beruthiel

So, what you're saying to me Greenbean, is a man actually finds it a bonus to have a good friend who he finds attractive?

Shiminay

It's difficult sometimes for guys to remember that their rather attractive friends are just that - friends. But it is possible.

I've a few female friends that I think are rather good looking and I've even told some of them on a couple of occasions, which lead to an unusual silence until I explained that I had absolutly no interest in being anything more than their friend - I think they weren't used to a guy saying they're good looking and not following up with a corny chatup line.

Just think of them as a friend who happens to be cute!

LegacyUser

My best friend is a girl...

...she also happens to be the best lover I ever had.

For boys, aren't girl who are 'friends' just the ones that won't go our with us?

The Sweeper

My advice to anyone who has a good friend of the opposite sex is:

Never forget that you've got bits that fit.

Inotherwords, don't assume that just because your friend is your friend, it means they wont react to you, for instance, walking out of the shower wearing a tiny towel, or flashing your tits at them when you're drunk, climbing into their bed for whatever reason or doing something else that would count as provocative if you were to do it for the benefit of attracting someone you fancied.

It's a friendship like any other. Don't push it.

I think there are people out there who can never have a really close friend of the opposite sex. I think these same people are usually so full of themselves that they assume everyone fancies them and hence cannot conduct a friendship because of their underlying assumption that their pal wants to get into their pants.

An ex boyfriend of mine was one of those people who assumed that if it was female it wanted him. As a result he could never understand the fact that my best mate was a bloke and he indulged in some pretty spectacular tantrums as a result. All I can say on that matter is that these days I wouldn't cross the street to avoid my best mate, but...

Oeneus

I have a hell of a lot of female friends. And not a single one has tried it on me, Goddammit!:mad: :mad:

seamus

I agree with pretty much most the statements here that women can have male friends, but men rarely have female friends. I have found a few exceptions to this though:

(In all cases, you (male) must be unavailable in some way. If you're single, then none of these count)

• The female friend is best/good friend of your gf, and either isn't particularly good looking, or is attached.
• female friend is gf of your best/good friend
• You work constantly alongside said female and know her too well to like
• female is lesbian and very butch
• female is sibling of your friend. You'll always fancy them, but being in a relationship gives you the control you need
• female is the antithesis of your 'type'

As I said, if you're single, none of them apply, because single men will take what they can

Jimi-Spandex

Yes definately,

regardless of attraction, but some of us are incapable of it, I have come close to mucking up a good friendship with a girl recently, personally i think we would have been good together, but i mean if she just wants to be friends, thats fine I've already gotten over it

RopeDrink

The majority of my friends are female, for a lot of reasons really.
The blokes I've met over the years are all the bloody same, and boring to be around after you've heard "Corr look at that bird over there" for the millionth time.

I've been friends with these girls since School / moving to Ireland and I can honestly say that, over the seven years I've been here the situation hasn't changed one bit. All the blokes I happened to be friends with all changed drastically. One bloke in particular used to be overwhelmingly quiet and shy - We got on very well and saw eachother all the time and had great great times, yet one day after I missed a year of school, I came back to find that he was now big into gangs and such. Whatever way he looked at me from then on (As if I wasn't qualified to be in a gang full of scummers) he rarely speaks to me anymore, after 4 years of being best mates...

This, too, changed my look on blokes as friends... I have never had a bad encounter with a female friend to this very day, and over the seven years I mentioned earlier, have never fought with them once.

Yes, opposite sex's can get along, but it really depends on your personality.

nesf

Hmm I think it's a dodgy topic.

I've had many female friends over the years. and have had more close female friends than male ones. Now I've female mates, that I'd consider drinking buddies, others who I know through societies or clubs. But I have not found that being of the opposite sex makes it impossible to be friends. It adds another pitfall for the friendship to fall into but sometimes friendship can become something more.

For example, my present girlfriend of nearly 2 years used to be a friend. We just "decided" to try being together and it worked out really well. On the other hand I've female friends, whose friendship is now streching into 7-9 years in some cases. These never had problems because of the "male-female" issues. One in particular, I used to have great fun with, where we'd hunt down partners for each other for the night. It's amazing what a female friend can do for your chances....

Personally I think it just requires the right ppl. Some women are nearly impossible to be just friends with, and some you would never want to risk losing their friendship, no matter what other attractions were present. Plus why ask the question?

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
I think these same people are usually so full of themselves that they assume everyone fancies them and hence cannot conduct a friendship because of their underlying assumption that their pal wants to get into their pants.

There's nothing wrong with having positive self-esteem (I’m sure you didn’t mean that, you just expressed it rather... errm... vehemently).

Fidelis

Yes, they can.

Generally speaking, women are capable being very close friends with men without feeling any attraction. Whereas, generally speaking, with guys, there's often something there, whether it's from the very beginning or it happens after being so close for a prolonged time.

If, like Rob, the women know how he feels then it's fine to handle because both parties know what's going on. On the other hand, while not wanting to risk a really close frendship, if the person is truly special enough, I personally believe that the risk is worth it. Although I might have a slightly different opinion if the situation went awry for me so ignore my rantings

As people here have said, if it doesn't work out, your friendship could be out the window for good. And that, ladies & gentlemen, is what we call a "bad thing".

LegacyUser

Heh, sorry bout the unreged post, wasnt logged in


I find that i have an awful lot more female friends abroad than i do in ireland....

I find that when im out with a bunch of girls who i know quite well, the topic of conversation rarely has anything interesting about it, its usually bitching or talking about some blokes ass!!!!!!

How is a lone male in a group of females meant to relate to this?

I certainly can't

Alot of women in Dublin carry on like this, personally i find it quite tedious and shallow, but at the end of the day i would still consider them m8's. (This is a sweeping generalistion, to which there are a considerable amount of exceptions) ps not looking for a flame girls


What i am getting at is that i can clearly see how some blokes have problems being really good friends with women.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Oeneus

Think of it like this. If your a girl would you fancy your best friend due to his personality?

Not really.

Therefore I think you can.

Lorax

I have loads of friends who are girls.. and i don't fancy all of them.. just a few

The Sweeper

Originally posted by The Corinthian

There's nothing wrong with having positive self-esteem (I’m sure you didn’t mean that, you just expressed it rather... errm... vehemently).

Indeed and I stand by my vehemence. No, there is nothing wrong with having self confidence. In fact, it even makes it easier for you to have lots of friends of both sexes because when you're secure in yourself then generally you're a good person to be around.

My point was that people who have enormous egos find it impossible to understand the concept of mere friendship with a member of the opposite sex because they are constantly looking for, or assuming that there is, another level to the friendship.

Samba

Yes I agree with you wwm, generally they are very silly, but they can often bare truth, as clichets also do
I apologise Mr.wwm for the previous post, had a few drinks on me, I should have been more specific.

I was reffering to South-Dublin women of my age bracket who commence each sentence with the words omg



Its when im alone with these people that i can talk to them like a friend.

And that is why i am still friends with them.

Ive often been in the pub with these girls and looked around to see blokes heads shaking upon hearing the conversation....

azezil

In my experience no. In the last 3 odd years i've tryed to become close friends with 3 different women, it starts out fine then one night they get drunk n try to make a move. One begged me for sex, another started crying when i stoped her from kissing me, and the third, after begging turned physco n treatened to kill me! ... she was/is a total nut job i don't go within a mile of her now.

As for the other two after said encounters i now keep em at arms lenght, txt em now n again but spend less time with them.

Your probably wondering why in gods name would i turn down a woman if she's throwing herself at me well for me friendship is too important, i wouldn't risk destroying a friendship. and tbh they're not much too look at

plastic membrane

Originally posted by Oeneus
I have a hell of a lot of female friends. And not a single one has tried it on me, Goddammit!:mad: :mad:

You too, huh ?

DapperGent

Originally posted by azezil
One begged me for sex, another started crying when i stoped her from kissing me, and the third, after begging turned physco n treatened to kill me! ... she was/is a total nut job i don't go within a mile of her now.

As for the other two after said encounters i now keep em at arms lenght, txt em now n again but spend less time with them.

Your probably wondering why in gods name would i turn down a woman if she's throwing herself at me well for me friendship is too important, i wouldn't risk destroying a friendship. and tbh they're not much too look at

Summary:
Azezil: "Chicks think I'm hot, it's probably because I'm really sensitive."

Jelvon

well my ex had a best mate, and tbh one of the reason I split with her was because of him.

I told him on many occasions to back off a bit (he was getting very close to her), and she constantly told me that she felt nothing for him but he clearly felt something for her but she couldn't accept that when I told her that he clearly fancied the pants off her.

I think girls can have fellows as best mates but when they have a boyfriend aswell it is next to impossible to keep both

azezil

Originally posted by DapperGent


Summary:
Azezil: "Chicks think I'm hot, it's probably because I'm really sensitive."

i like this user he seems highly intelligent

LegacyUser

Originally posted by azezil

i like this user he seems highly intelligent

I find this user quite frustrating he appears to be too dim to realise when he's being insulted.