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Courtroom gaffes

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  • 18-07-2002 9:55pm
    #1
    cujimmy
    Registered Users Posts: 519 ✭✭✭


    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.
    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    And possibly the best ever
    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk, in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.


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    #2
    Samson
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭Samson


    Someone posted those here some time ago.
    However, they still bring a smile to my face.

    From the book "Disorder in the court", which I decide to buy after nearly choking to death with laughter when I first read the above (in particular the last one).
    Unfortunately it's a bit of a letdown.


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    #3
    Makaveli
    Registered Users Posts: 8,503 ✭✭✭Makaveli


    Yup like Samson said, this was posted before.
    They really are funny though. This one is probably my favourite:
    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.


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