In the movies: a few humourous movie observations

BEAT

-All telephone numbers in America begin with 555.
-Most dogs are immortal
-All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of french bread
-You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home
-The Eiffel tower can be seen from any window in paris
-A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds
-Mothers will routinley cook eggs, bacon, and waffles for thier family every morning even though thier husband and children never have time to eat it
-The chief of police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hrs to finish the job.
-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps
-It does'nt matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out thier predecessors.

Dustaz

- Even though you never take the time to lock your car, it will never be stolen, no matter how bad the neighbourhood you park in.




BTW Beat, do you ever post anything that you didnt receieve by email?

sceptre

Parking spaces. The hero will never have to wait for a parking space to become available. Unless it's necessary to the plot that he have a 2 minute conversation with someone who's also in the car.

As a corollary to this - where there is no parking space, the hero can drive the car up the steps of the police station.

Ditto waiting for a cab - just as well that not many movies are set in central Dublin/London/wherever at around 3am on a Saturday night.

BEAT

Originally posted by Dustaz
-
BTW Beat, do you ever post anything that you didnt receieve by email?

Actually, I've never posted anything here I rcvd from email...I am just that good...


no but really, almost all that I post is something I rcvd by fax...so it's all my hard work typing it out for you pepole, and this is the treament i get /me wipes away tear

Borzoi

-I fyou arrange to meet someone, you never have to give the time or place, or directions. They just KNOW.

The Gopher

Police chiefs are more often than not angry and black.
As said,they give a ridiculous deadline to slove a case(perhaps they think it boosts productivity)
Cops can kill dozens of bad guys in films like Die Hard without going through inquriies and abuse of power court cases like in real life.
Baddies always have an elaborate way of trying to kill the captured James Bond(lowering into acid,feeding to sharks lasers etc etc).If they just put him on his knees and piut one in his head it would be alot more foolproof.
Young unorthodox cops always wind up parntered with older by the book cops.
Civilians are never killed or seriously injured whenever the likes of James Bond and John McClane feel like racing a tank,plane, boat(!) or helicopter through city streets.
Heroes can take out entire amries and survive with just 3 long cuts on each side of their muscled shoulders.
Local police are all but useless in a James Bond film,doing nothing to help him.

Pigman

Originally posted by sceptre



Ditto waiting for a cab - just as well that not many movies are set in central Dublin/London/wherever at around 3am on a Saturday night.

... and lets not forget that in the movies you always pay the taxi driver AFTER you get out of the taxi. Try that in real life and see how far you get!

Winters

They never get there cars clamped either.. If i was to go into the city (Dublin u dumbasses) and leave my car outside some place i would come back to find some hugh clamp over it with that stupid superglued sign on my window.. damn clampers

DapperGent

-Explosions always go really really slowly. Ditto any car that happens to hit some form of ramp device.

-Only good looking people have personal problems. Unless its a Woody Allen movie

pauldeehan

(These are mine)

1. Two bullets from a 9mm is more than enough to explode a car.
2. Reloading is a novelty, you don’t actually need new clips.
3. Every clip holds 5,900,356,003 bullets.
4. The timer of a bomb must have reached 00:01 before it can be disarmed.
5. Cut the black wire you idiots. It’s never the red wire.
6. Anything will set off an explosion. Anything.
7. Witty one liners MUST be used at all times.
8. If a terminator is sent back from the future to kill someone it will not cause a paradox, whereby the person is killed and thus there is no need to send the terminator back, thereby the person lives and thus the terminator goes back and kills him and so on…
9. Using two guns at once will not affect your aim.
10. If you throw a German from a high-rise building he’s likely to have brother.
11. Buses travelling over 50 mph can easily jump unfinished bridges.
12. Smashing a car window with your bare hand is a painless procedure.
13. Bad guys tend to make things personal so watch out for family members, partners, friends, etc. (Die Hard, Last Action Hero, Terminator 2, Leon)
14. If the hero is shot it’s- a) okay, cause he’s wearing a bullet proof vest Or b) just a flesh wound.
15. After being saved by a bullet-proof vest people always take it off. Why?
16. Most law enforcement operatives are idiots and the FBI are arrogant dumb asses.
17. If a 73 way Mexican stand-off occurs, everyone is going to die.
18. A police-issue Browning will take down helicopters.
19. Giving the hero back-up is out of the question. Why? It just is.
20. Do not, under any circumstances, say the word “what” around Samuel L Jackson.
21. The hero will generally have an incompetent sidekick who is his complete opposite and annoys the **** out of him.
22. At the end of the film, said sidekick will have earned the hero’s respect. Or earned his respect and died heroically. Either way you still won’t like him.
23. There will be at least one good-looking woman in skimpy clothes. More likely thirty.
24. If someone asks you if you feel lucky, give up. .44 magnums always have one last bullet in the chamber.
25. It is impossible for Arab terrorists armed with automatic bullet spraying sub-machine guns to hit the broadside of a barn. They’d miss the ground when they fall if it weren’t for gravity.
26. It is surprisingly easy to smuggle AK-47s onto planes.
27. No matter what anyone tells you, hacking is NOT cool.
28. Explosions are always VERY, VERY big.
29. SWAT teams never seem to succeed. (Die Hard, The Negotiator, Terminator2)
30. Everyone has guns. Kids, whores, nuns, everyone. (Red Heat, Last Action Hero, Robocop)
31. Kids seem to be magnetically drawn to the area between a sniper and his target. (The Replacement Killers, Face-Off, The Peacemaker)
32. 9/10 cops are “too old for this ****”

Winters

A few more:

- There all always 3 villians. The leader, the small smart one and the dumb fat one.
- There are always 5 differant types of kids in disney movies: Kid with glasses, black kid, red-hair and freckles kid, disabled kid and the mafia boss's son kid. (No offence to anyone thats just how it is)
- Cars will talk to you and are called "kit"
- Vietnam Vets will always escape the MPs (Gowan the A-Team!)

Spiffing

Originally posted by pauldeehan

23. There will be at least one good-looking woman in skimpy clothes. More likely thirty.

You say that as if it's a bad thing

D-Generate

-Computer screens usually have green text
-When a computer is blowing up the computers voice will go really slowly

pauldeehan

You say that as if it's a bad thing

Believe me when I say; it's a good thing!

artvandelay

It dos'nt matter how many ppl shoot at the action hero in a movie . He can't by anone except for the main bad guy. Commando is a prime exaple of this where arine kills 72 ppl in one scene. Not gettin hit until the villian shows up and shoots him in the arm.

Gordon

- When in a movie do not bother to say "goodbye" to your girlfriend when on the phone, just put down the phone, she'll know that you are going to put it down - it's just so natural.

oh and
-If you are on the phone with someone and someone in the same room as you starts talking with you put the phone to your chest during the conversation without letting the person on the line know that you are occupied in a second conversation. They'll understand, it's just so natural.

Dustaz

lol gordon

The Gopher

A detective who is one of the main players in the film arrives on the scene as the corpse is being taken away-so we presume that the forensics should have combed the area of the killing pretty well.Yet when the Tec comes in to observe the scene he finds a small but vital piece of evidence(e.g a company card accidendtly dropped by the killer)despite the fact forensics experts have already combed the area and found nothing.
The black guy is always a hilarious wisecracker and prone to saying words like"sh*t" and "motherfuc*er!" every two minutes.
For some reason Chinese immigrants are often helpless victims of crime being saved by the main man.
When a newsreport on a story comes on the tv and it is of use to the key players they catch five secs of it before rushing to the scene or calling their partner-they never wait for the details.
Computers are super SUPER fast (obviously not using eircom products)
Jewish guys are shown as nerds in glasses with braces and strange meidcations and diets(allergic to everything kind of thing)
Megalomaniacs never end their days in a prison cell.
The young cop typically gets called on an investigation while lying in bed with a beautiful woman and finishes the film shagging yet another fine one to the background of something on fire(badguuys HQ,ships etc etc)
The pretty female lead usually finds the cop/soldier/secret agent a total in your face prick whos encroaching on her personal agenda-but she will always end up riding him in the end.
In spite of the fact that practically every woman James Bond has shagged its been a spur of the mo kind of thing,unless the man carries rubbers 24/7 its amazing that hes not got even one of the huindreds of girls pregnant.Personally,i think the reason may be due to severe injuries sustanied on his first mission:p (perhaps he was on the laser bed in an early mission,but stopped it a few inches further up than the laser incident we all know of;) )

DapperGent

-Lesbians are always young and hot (unless it's a film directed by a lesbian or Ellen Degeneres is involved)

Borzoi

If a car ever leaves the road it will explode (the A-team is an exception - no one will ever be hurt in a car accident)

dougal

All computer systems can be hacked by an 8 year old kid in under 30 seconds.

Rabies

Villians usualy have PCs
Heros usualy have Apple Macs

shotamoose

-Computers use strange operating systems that habitually flash giant 'LOADING' graphics on-screen.
-Heroes in crime thrillers never just forget stuff: "Wait, why are we sneaking onto this cruise-ship again?"
-Pulp Fiction might be the only Hollywood film ever made in which someone takes a poo outside of a fraternity-party environment.
-they had slo-mo in the olden days too.
-Romans or Nazis have British accents.
-It is increasingly rare for the action hero to be Arabic.
-If you go out in New York or LA, be prepared for misunderstandings involving horny transvestites.
-If caught up in a fight involving the hero and some goons, the female love interest will knock out at least one goon with a vase.

The Gopher

Streamed video from the net is always of digital tv picture quality rather than bitty broken stalling footage we have to live with.

Pigman

- Writing on computer screens is usually set to about 72pt so that it is readable over someones shoulder from a distance of 10 feet away.