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If Men Really Ruled The World...

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  • 28-07-2002 3:16pm
    #1
    cujimmy
    Registered Users Posts: 519 ✭✭✭


    Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

    Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

    Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

    When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

    Birth control would come in ale or lager.

    Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

    The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

    "Sorry I'm late, but I got hammered last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

    At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.

    It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

    Tanks would be far easier to rent.

    Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

    Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

    Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. (AMEN!!!)

    On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

    Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

    Two words: ALLY MCNAKED.

    Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

    The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

    The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football
    from a Different Camera Angle.

    It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

    Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.

    When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
    Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
    You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
    Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

    Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."

    The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

    People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

    Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

    Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.


Comments

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    #2
    three
    Closed Accounts Posts: 93 ✭✭three


    Very funny


  • Options
    #3
    Ruaidhri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,719 ✭✭✭Ruaidhri


    hehe good 'un :)

    When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
    Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
    You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
    Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

    more like

    Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
    You: "no."]
    Cop: "95 in a 30 zone"
    You: "what?no way,i was doing more than that"
    Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off. and a free pass into the local brothel"

    :D


  • Options
    #4
    Sposs
    Registered Users Posts: 2,472 ✭✭✭Sposs


    Even better,read this,this guy is a god!

    WHAT A LEGEND
    > >>> >
    > >>> >
    > >>> > This appeared in Sky Magazine a few months ago - who
    > >>> > says the 90's man isn't caring and sensitive???
    > >>> > From Laura, 24: Last year at a Christmas party, I got
    > >>> > off with this gorgeous bloke called Mark Digby.
    > >>> >
    > >>> > He was a real arrogant git, but I've always been
    > >>> > attracted to bastards. Little did I know this bloke
    > >>> > was the biggest sh!t imaginable.
    > >>> >
    > >>> > We went back to my place and he pounced on me straight
    > >>> > away. Within minutes, he was shagging me frantically
    > >>> > from behind on the sofa.
    > >>> >
    > >>> > I began to think that doing it that way was really
    > >>> > impersonal in this drunken state. But Mark just
    > >>> > carried on regardless. I tried to move round myself,
    > >>> > but he held me in place, grunting something about his
    > >>> > jeans around his ankles making it difficult to move.
    > >>> >
    > >>> > I was getting well cheesed off and I could feel he was
    > >>> > about to finish. I suddenly found myself groaning, "I
    > >>> > want to see your face as you come".
    > >>> >
    > >>> > I felt him reach down into his pocket and just as he
    > >>> > reached orgasm, he thrust his bus pass in front of my
    > >>> > face.I stared miserably at a bus pass of this git as
    > >>> > he shot his load behind me.
    >


  • Options
    #5
    bozzie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 534 ✭✭✭bozzie


    . I suddenly found myself groaning, "I
    > >>> > want to see your face as you come".
    > >>> >
    > >>> > I felt him reach down into his pocket and just as he
    > >>> > reached orgasm, he thrust his bus pass in front of my
    > >>> > face.I stared miserably at a bus pass of this git as
    > >>> > he shot his load behind me.
    that is pure class nearly coughed up a spleen at that


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