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Shower Joke

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  • 29-07-2002 3:15pm
    #1
    Sposs
    Registered Users Posts: 2,472 ✭✭✭


    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

    Take off clothing and place in a sectioned
    laundry basket according
    to
    lights, darks, whites, manmade or natural. Walk
    to shower wearing
    long
    dressing gown. If husband/boyfriend is seen along
    the way, cover up
    any
    exposed flesh and rush to bathroom. Look at
    womanly physique in the
    mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine
    about getting fat.
    Get
    in
    shower.
    Look for face cloth, arm cloth, loin cloth, long
    loofah, wide
    loofah
    and
    pumice stone. Wash hair once with cucumber
    shampoo with 83 added
    vitamins.

    Wash hair again with cucumber conditioner with
    enhanced natural
    crocus
    oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with
    crushed apricot
    facial
    scrub
    for 10 minutes until red raw. Wash entire rest of
    body with ginger
    nut
    and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off
    hair, taking at
    least
    15
    minutes to make sure it's all off.

    Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini
    area but decide to
    get
    it
    waxed instead. Scream loudly when
    husband/boyfriend flushes toilet
    and
    water loses pressure and turns hot. Turn off
    shower. Squeegee all
    wet
    surfaces in shower. Get out of shower. Dry with
    towel the size of a
    small
    African country. Wrap hair in super-absorbent
    second towel. Check
    entire
    body for remotest signs of spots. Attack with
    nails/tweezers (if
    you
    can
    find
    any).

    Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and
    towel on head. If
    husband/boyfriend seen, cover up any exposed
    areas and then rush to
    bedroom to spend an hour-and-a-half getting
    dressed.

    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

    Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave
    them in a pile.
    Walk
    naked to bathroom. If wife/girlfriend seen, shake
    willy at her and
    shout,
    "Wa-hey! Look in mirror and suck in gut to see
    your manly physique.
    Admire size of willy in mirror and scratch balls.
    Get in shower.
    Don't
    bother to
    look for wash cloth ? don't need one. Wash face.
    Wash armpits.
    Laugh at
    how
    loud farts sound in the shower. Wash balls and
    the surrounding
    area.
    Wash
    arse, leaving hair on the soap. Shampoo hair but
    do not use
    conditioner.
    Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back
    curtain to see self
    in
    mirror. Piss in shower.

    Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice
    water on floor
    caused
    by
    shower curtain being outside bath for whole of
    showering time.
    Partially
    dry off. Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and
    admire size of
    willy
    again.

    Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on
    floor. Leave on
    bathroom
    light and fan. Return to bedroom with towel
    around waist, leaving
    wet
    footprints on carpets. If you pass wife, pull off
    towel, grab
    willy, go
    "yeah, baby" and thrust pelvis at her. Put on
    yesterday's clothes..


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