Mud on your face?

Magic Monkey

[Nicked from some Billy Connelly book I read ages ago]

Back in the old days, up in Glasgow, the tenemant flats there had only one toilet for the whole building. Now, this would be regularly locked at night by the landlord, with the key placed up above the door-jamb.

One night, a resident of said flats came home, pished out of his head. He was stumbling, staggering, falling all over the place. Somehow he made his way into the flats, and down to where the toilet was. Unfortunately, he couldn't open the door, and was too drunk to find the key, let alone remember where it was.

So, feeling the call of nature quite badly, he made his way up onto the second floor, into his room, and searched around for some old newspaper. He found a old copy of the Glasgow Times, spread it flat out on his floor, dropped his pants, and proceeded to defecate vigorously upon it.

Upon completing his business, he realised he now had to dispose of the mess on his floor. So, he bundled the befowled paper up, and went over to the window, where he lobbed it out onto the street below. Problem solved.

As the drunk wandered off to bed, he heard a cry from outside the street below. He wandered back over to the window, where he saw the sight of a local policeman, who, having been patrolling the streets at night, had suddenly been hit, full-force, by a newspaper filled with shi*e, smack-bang, all over his face.

The policeman cried up to the drunk at the window:
"What do ye think y'ar playing at? Throwing this bundle o'shi*e o'da windaw, YA DIRTY BAST*RD!!!"

To which the drunk replied:
"Who're ye calling a dirty bast*rd? You're the one with shi*e all over your face!!!"

****

One for all the chemistry students out there:

A chemist walks into a bar, sits upon a bar stool, and says to the barman:
"Can I get a glass of Adenosine Triphosphate please?"
The barman pours the glass, hands it to the chemist and says:
"That'll be 80p"

Gaz

One for all the chemistry students out there:

A chemist walks into a bar, sits upon a bar stool, and says to the barman:
"Can I get a glass of Potassium Nitrate please?"
The barman pours the glass, hands it to the chemist and says:
"That'll be 80p"



HUH ???

Magic Monkey

Originally posted by Darth Homer
One for all the chemistry students out there:

A chemist walks into a bar, sits upon a bar stool, and says to the barman:
"Can I get a glass of Potassium Nitrate please?"
The barman pours the glass, hands it to the chemist and says:
"That'll be 80p"

HUH ???

Sorry! Got that a bit wrong, I changed it. It should be Adenosine Triphosphate as opposed to Potassium Nitrate

(80p => ATP => Adenosine TriPhosphate)

OLDYELLAR

The policeman cried up to the drunk at the window:
"What do ye think y'ar playing at? Throwing this bundle o'shi*e o'da windaw, YA DIRTY BAST*RD!!!"

aw now that is pure class!

Dr. Loon

Originally posted by Magic Monkey


Sorry! Got that a bit wrong, I changed it. It should be Adenosine Triphosphate as opposed to Potassium Nitrate

(80p => ATP => Adenosine TriPhosphate)

Ahhh.... I see now!!
It's still not funny.