I want to tell her. But how?

LegacyUser

hey

I have a friend who's been going out with a guy for nearly 4 years. He cheated on her before 2 years ago and was caught out. Then they split for a couple of weeks and she started seeing someone else before taking him back on promise that he'd never do it again etc etc.

Lo and behold he's at it again... she doesn't know about it (probably because she doesn't want to believe it, she's very insecure about it) but everyone else seems to. It's been going on for at least 9 months and I'm tired of seeing her put up with the **** she takes off him. She's lost many friends because of him and alienated others who try to open her eyes to the fact that he's a complete degenerate.

I want to tell her but I don't have any indisputable evidence of what he's at, nor do I have anyone who's prepared to spill on him. He's a sharp talker and because of her insecurity, I think it would be difficult for me to just say: "He's a cheating fuk..."; she'd likely swallow his bull**** if she challenged him. But at the same time I can't bear to let things go on and not do something.

I know who he's cheating with... it's one of his best mates gf's and his mate doesn't know about it either. I need a plan to let her know what's happening, one that will expose him and show her what he's at beyond doubt. Ask me some questions... if anyone has any ideas / experience please give it up. Don't post that "she needs to find out for herself" crap or "just tell her to dump him", that won't work here.

thanks

cheeky_monkey

I posted the above btw. dont know why I came up unregistered when I was logged-in.

LegacyUser

you cheeky monkey!

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Mutz

Heya Cheeky..

Just Tell her Straight and hammer the point into her head.. she'll appreciate in the Near Future

deco

Do not under any circumstances get involved...you'll just end up looking like the bad guy/person...

kamobe

Only way you're ever gonna prove anything is with a polaroid. Failing that, putting something together before her eyes.

Good luck.

cheeky_monkey

Originally posted by Mutz
Heya Cheeky..

Just Tell her Straight and hammer the point into her head.. she'll appreciate in the Near Future

yep it's the best thing to do innit? I just hope she has the strength to make the right moves.

The Sweeper

How would you feel if everyone was laughing their ass off at you because you were being cheated on and you didn't seem to cop on to the fact?

This isn't like she's married to the guy or has kids with him - and I say save her before she gets to that point.

If you thought it was a one-off thing that wouldn't happen again, then I'd say 'don't tell her, you'll only hurt her and there's no point', but if this guy's a cheating layabout, tell her.

And I say do it bluntly, especially if there's a chance that she wont listen.

Do it in a "Right, you're a pal of mine, and your boyfriend is humping <insert name>, I have nothing to gain from telling you this, I just think you deserve better. If you don't believe me why don't you ask anyone, because frankly everyone knows. You might hate me for hurting you by telling you, but I'm your friend and I don't want to see you go through this again. '

There's no nice way to tell someone they're being cheated on, and she may well not want to talk to you for some time, but if you can accept that then do her a favour, in all fairness this girl's boyfriend has been screwing around for months while he's with her, has done it to her before and you can bet will do it to her again.

stevoslice

I reckon the best way to tell her would be like this.
hey, <name>, i don't know if you've heard but there is a lot of rumours going round that, <dipstick> has been cheating on you with <whorebag>, i dunno if theres any truth but supposedly everyone knows...
that way your just telling her about a rumour as opposed to straight out in yer face stuff, which would probably hurt her more.

Sposs

just tell his best mate,after all whats he going to say to your friend when she ask's him why his best mate has just punched his lights out.

Defenistrator

If you are a male.....

Could you cc me ?

thanx.

Zero

nyeh.
tell her he's doing it.
tell her who hes doing it with and how long its going on.
tell her everybody knows, and if that doesnt do it, tell his best mate and let him sort it out.

cournioni

Originally posted by Zero
nyeh.
tell her he's doing it.
tell her who hes doing it with and how long its going on.
tell her everybody knows, and if that doesnt do it, tell his best mate and let him sort it out.

What Zero said...

Samson

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
Do it in a "Right, you're a pal of mine, and your boyfriend is humping <insert name>, I have nothing to gain from telling you this, I just think you deserve better. If you don't believe me why don't you ask anyone, because frankly everyone knows. You might hate me for hurting you by telling you, but I'm your friend and I don't want to see you go through this again. '

I think this would probably be the most sensible approach to take.
It may temporarily turn her against you, but she will come around after she gets over the initial shock and realises you did her a favour.