the rabbit and the bear

superconor

a bear and a rabbit where out walking, when the came across a genie.. they opened the bottle, and the genie said "i will grant you each 3 wishes." the bear goes, "i wish i was the best lovemaker in all the multiverse." the rabbit goes, "i want a long straight road to the otherside of the world" the genie grants these. the bear has his 2nd wish. "i wish all the bears around here were attractive lady bears." the rabbit said " i want the fasted motercycle around." the genie granted them, with a helmet for the rabbit as well. the genie said, now i will grant your 3rd wish. what are they. the bear said "i wish all the lady bears wanted to scréw me wild." the genie granted it. the rabbit said "i wish...............................bear was GAY!!!" and took off.

phreak

lol, that damn rabbit

m0o|Dino

Two builders (Fred and Bill) are seated either side of a table in a
rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a
stool at
the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the
suit.

Fred: -I reckon he's an accountant.

Bill: -No way he's a stockbroker.

Fred: -He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer
gets the better of Fred and he makes for the toilet. On entering the
toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and
the several beers get the better of the builder...

Fred: -Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were
wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: -No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession!

Fred: -Oh! What's that then?

Suit: -I'll try to explain by example............Do you have a
Goldfish at home?

Fred: -Er...mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: -Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a
pond.
Which is it?

Fred: -It's in a pond!

Suit: -Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large
garden then?

Fred: -As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!

Suit: -Well then it's logical to assume that in this town that if you
have
a large garden that you have a large house?

Fred: -As it happens I've got a five bedroom house... built it myself!

Suit: -Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is
logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that
you are quite probably married?

Fred: -Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children!

Suit:-Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with
your
wife on a regular basis?

Fred: -Yep! Four nights a week!

Suit: -Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very
often?
Fred: -Me? Never!

Suit: -Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Fred: -How's that then?

Suit: -Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about
the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex
life!

Fred: -I see! That's pretty impressive... thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Fred returns to his mate.

Bill: -I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Fred: -Yep ! He's a logical scientist!

Bill: -What's that then?

Fred: -I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Bill: -Nope.

Fred: -Well then, you're a wanker!

phreak

lol m0o|Dino

m0o|Dino

more crap in my inbox

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law
exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute."

The mother-in-law was tired of this entire romantic talk and left. On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she
undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her
standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love
dress" she replied.

"Needs ironing." he said.

Repli

lol good 1 haha

superconor

lol, great both of them. if i had to pick the first one, so abrupt! (but 2nd one was good too!)

cournioni

LOL very good, very good!

NeoSlicerZ

Heheheheh Pld

BKtje

love em both

m0o|Dino

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at her and says 'Giraffe my friend, why do you do this?
Come with me running through the forest. You'll see that you feel so much better'.

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it away and goes running off with the rabbit. Then they come across a clearing where an elephant is preparing a line of
coke, so the rabbit again says, 'Elephant my friend, why do you do this?

Think of your health. Come running through the pretty forest with us, you'll see you'll feel so good!' The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them away and starts running and frolicking with the rabbit and the
giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up...'Lion, my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest - you will feel so good!'

The lion puts down his works and starts to beat the **** out of the little rabbit. As the giraffe and the elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask 'Lion, why do you do this? He was simply trying to help us all!'

The lion, tufts of bunny fluff sticking to his claws, answers 'That mental little f**ker makes me run around the forest like a c**t every time he's had an E!'

strat

loltrfol at the bear+rabbit