Put the chicken down, Jeremy!

Bard

I'm bored ... entertain me.

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Ok- write a short story ... it must start with the sentence: "Put the chicken down, Jeremy!", she said. and include the words: hypochondriac, street preacher, spandex, elephant gun, exposition, arse and heavenly.

This probably won't work.

Prove me wrong.

pepperkin

"Put the chicken down, Jeremy!" she said. Jeremy, standing by the counter, looked over at Margo with a confused expression.
"Why? I was just going to clean it for dinner?" he said. Margo didn't answer, only snatched the carcass from his hand. Jeremy mutely followed her out into the living room, where she picked up the phone, turned to face him, and gave him a look intended to squash his psyche into insect sized pieces.
"Now call that street preacher you invited to dinner, and tell him that we have plans tonight, and he is summarily un-invited," she demanded.
Jeremy meekly did as he was told. The street preacher, whose name was Jim, didn't seem to mind at all. Jeremy had met him on Wednesday while doing the weekly shopping, and had been rather taken by his fevered demeanor. They had spent several companionable hours discussing the ramifications of repentance and exactly what would happen if all mankind suddenly lost their genitalia and had to reproduce asexually. Jeremy had rather liked Jim, truth be told, but Margo was a strict anti-religious freak and absoluely refused to have anyone of any creed in her household.
Once Jeremy was through with the phone, Margo seemed satisfied. She smiled grimly and walked back into the kitchen. Jeremy followed quietly, trying to remember what he had been doing when she had interuppted him. Oh, yes, he remembered, cleaning the chicken for dinner. Maybe he could invite Margos eccentric sister over instead. Shelly was always a fun dinner guest.
He had barely gotten back into the kitchen when he remembered the tickets they had been given by his mother. Evidently she had wanted to go to the Extra-Terrestrial Exposition, but she had talked herself into becoming ill, so had given the tickets to himself and Margo. Jeremy didn't believe in alien life forms, but Margo did, and his mother was an absolute fanatic about them. She was truly convinced that she had been abducted, and that this mysterious abduction was the reason she was so sensitive to illness. The truth was, she was a hypochondriac, although Jeremy would never say that to her face.
Jeremy decided that the chicken would have to wait. He put it back into the refrigerator and went upstairs to get dressed. Margo followed.
"What are you doing?" she carped.
"Getting dressed for the E-T Expo tonight. Dear. Didn't you want to go?" Jeremy said patiently.
Margo squealed. "The Expo! I had forgotten!" She dashed to the closet and grabbed her favorite shirt, a spandex purple tank top that had the words "We Are Not Alone" and a grinning green alien head on it. Jeremy winced. Margo no longer had the figure she once had shown off proudly in that shirt.
Pulling on his own t-shirt and jeans, he reflected on how heavenly it would be if he had never married Margo. Being a weak-willed man, and he knew it, he had wanted to marry a strong woman. However, he had somehow managed to get himself saddled with a harridan, rather than the loving, strong, compassionate woman he had envisioned in his single days.
Someone rather like Shelly, actually. Shelly was a woman he could love.
Margo stomped over and looked him over, once, twice. She nodded. "You'll do."
"You look beautiful. Dear," he said dutifully.
They left, and were halfway into town when Margo started in. "What are you doing? This is a country road! You're speeding! Stop driving so fast! Hey, don't shift so hard! You're only doing that to get even! I swear, you are so knuckleheaded, yakkity yakk blummer blabble bitz....*****....."
Jeremy tuned her out, as he was accustomed to doing now. Then, out of the blue, a cow appeared on the road ahead. Margo screamed, and Jeremy slammed on the brakes. Margo slammed forward, then back, restrained by her seat belt. As soon as the car came to a stop, they both sat there numbly for a frozen second, staring at the placid cow in front of them. It chewed stupidly, obviously having no idea of the disaster it had almost evoked with it's bovine presence.
Margo unfroze her jaw and immediately began to shriek at Jeremy. "See, I TOLD you that you were driving too fast! Yammer! Yibliz! Yap!"
Jeremy felt something break inside. He got out of the car and crossed to her side. He opened her door, and she got out, still ranting. He locked her door, and closed it. Then he followed her to where she stood on the side of the road, arms crossed furiously. He waited until she paused for breath, then looked her square in the eye.
"Margo, go shove an elephant gun up your arse, and bedamned to you."
He then got into the car, ignoring her running after him and pounding on the window, and drove away. Maybe Shelly would be home.
The cow watched, rather amused by the antics of these lesser life forms.

Bard

Well written... and entertaining ! Nice job! Well done, Pepperkin.