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Automated Complaint Generator

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  • 04-09-2002 1:13am
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 248 ✭✭


    This is without a doubt,t he best use for the internet.


    http://hugin.sigusr1.org/~pakin/complaint
    ************


    I've tried to keep quiet, but I just can't hold it in any longer. I have to tell everyone that we are starting to witness the stinking effects of Phantom FM's contrivances. Read on, gentle reader, and hear what I have to say. The popularity of Phantom FM's taradiddles among vengeful nebbishes is a harbinger of improvident things to come. That's self-evident, and even Phantom FM would probably agree with me on that. Even so, on the issue of absenteeism, it is wrong again. Sure, we now know for certain that Phantom FM's compeers intend to start wars, ruin the environment, invent diseases, and routinely do a hundred other things that kill people. But if you're interested in the finagling, double-dealing, chicanery, cheating, cajolery, cunning, rascality, and abject villainy by which it may convert our children to cultural zombies in a mass of unthinking and easily herded proletarian cattle before you know it, then you'll want to consider the following very carefully. You'll especially want to consider that Phantom FM uses the very intellectual tools it criticizes, namely consequentialist arguments rather than arguments about truth or falsity. Phantom FM's witticisms have paid off: already, Phantom FM has had some success in its efforts to scorn and abjure reason. Phantom FM's loyalists favor a lifestyle that is as effete as Phantom FM's ventures, and deep down in our bones, we all know why. Phantom FM likes to compare its activities to those that shaped this nation. The comparison, however, doesn't hold up beyond some uselessly broad, superficial similarities that are so vague and pointless, it's not even worth summarizing them.

    If Phantom FM would abandon its name-calling and false dichotomies, it would be much easier for me to shape a world of dignity and harmony, a world of justice, solidarity, liberty, and prosperity. While there's no use crying over spilled milk, the acid test for Phantom FM's "kinder, gentler" new cop-outs should be, "Do they still shout obscenities at passers-by?" If the answer is yes, then we can conclude that Phantom FM constantly insists that genocide, slavery, racism, and the systematic oppression, degradation, and exploitation of most of the world's people are all totally justified. But it contradicts itself when it says that "the norm" shouldn't have to worry about how the exceptions feel. Phantom FM is chomping at the bit for a chance to create an intimidating, hostile, or demeaning environment. This means, in particular, that if its grunts had even an ounce of integrity, they would carry out this matter to the full extent of the law. To end on a more positive note: Phantom FM's commentaries are entirely otiose.


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,343 ✭✭✭polarbelly


    wha?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16 Mr D


    Brilliant. Oh the fun I can have with this


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 248 ✭✭Achille


    yes, it doesn't make much sense does it?

    basically, when you go to the website, they just ask you for the name of the person or company that you wish to complain about. then they give you a complaint of anything from 1 to 10 paragrpahs of mostly rambling crap.

    its fun.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 248 ✭✭Achille


    oh god, this one is great!!

    ****
    Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the founder of the Anti-Pete Reed Society. In this letter, I will tell you what made me form such an organization and how I plan to use it to deal with the relevant facts. And that's why I feel compelled to say something about obstreperous schizophrenics. I receive a great deal of correspondence from people all over the world. And one of the things that impresses me about it is the massive number of people who realize that Pete Reed is trying to use rock music, with its savage, tribal, orgiastic beat, to flush all my hopes and dreams down the toilet. His mission? To commit confrontational, in-your-face acts of violence, intimidation, and incivility.

    If anything, he wants all of us to believe that he is the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread. That's why he sponsors brainwashing in the schools, brainwashing by the government, brainwashing statements made to us by politicians, entertainers, and sports stars, and brainwashing by the big advertisers and the news media. If Pete is going to bowdlerize all unfavorable descriptions of his pleas, then he should at least have the self-respect to remind himself of a few things: First, most law-abiding citizens disapprove of his methods. And second, if I seem a bit randy, it's only because I'm trying to communicate with him on his own level. Although he would rather I discuss the personality flaws of unwed, pregnant teenagers, Pete's morals symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion -- extreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. The interesting point is this: Pete's litanies always follow the same pattern. He puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new "facts" as necessary to convince us that we should avoid personal responsibility. The end.


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