Coming out - some advice?

Shinji

I stand by my "phrase" and would expect that anyone in their teens take a long hard look at anything they do that can have life time repercussions (from tattoos to leaving school early etc).

Just to back this up, Dev is completely right and he's not being condescending in a yore-ma-sez-its-just-a-phase sort of way, although I can see why people would take that meaning from it. People do stupid things when they're teenagers - well, they do stupid things all the time, but especially when they're teenagers. Sometimes you need to be circumspect and think things over carefully before taking decisions which can change your life. If I had a cent for everyone I know who's left school on a teenage whim and regretted it hugely five years down the line...

That being said - and it's important to say it - there's a big difference between someone who's confused about their sexuality and someone who knows they're gay. Rule of thumb - if you think you might be gay, you're not. If you're positively certain that you're gay, then well, yeah, you are.

Like everyone said, this doesn't mean you run up to random people in the street and tell them... But, well, one of the hardest things to do in any situation like this is to be totally honest and open with yourself...

I'm kinda chuffed - although not particularly surprised - with how mature everyone on boards is being about this thread and others like it. I'm sure we have a few neanderthals who are now terrified by the fact that they've been talking on an internet forum with gay people on it all along.... STEALTH GAY PEOPLE, INFECTING THE INTER-SUPER-HIGHWAY-NET-WEB! .... But I think the almost total lack of trolling here and the fact that moderators haven't had to intervene at all (afaik) proves that maybe there is a place on boards.ie for sensible, mature discussion of "adult" issues such as this...


By the way, I get called a nazi roughly every 27 seconds by someone, somewhere.

Beruthiel

He couldn't accept the fact there were actually gay people... he though it was an urban legend or something

I haven't commented on this thread NoelRock because quite frankly I know very little about what you're going through, I can only imagine how hard and tough it must be. However, the above comment which OrangeRhino posted has completely surprised me, how, in this day and age could a young man really think this (60 year olds I can understand would not have a clue) but for a teenager to be so out of the loop really and truly surprises me. My 14 year old daughter said to me the other day, 'what would you say to me if I said I was a lesbian?' (she said she was not but was just wondering what my reaction would be, testing me perhaps? I don't believe she is as there has been too many comments about cute boys etc...) I told her I wasn't bothered either way and to do whatever makes you happy, after all, isn't that what every parent wants? for their kids to be happy, everything else is secondary to that.
I have no hugh advice for you, only to say I know how cruel teenagers can be (my daughter is finding life a bit difficult at the moment, it's hard to find a real friend to trust, she is finding it hard to work out who she can call a true friend, they seem to change their minds as often as the weather) so it would be wise to think long and hard about who you tell.
I wish you the best of luck

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

It surprised me as much as anything... I guess I've been lucky 'cos my mom hasn't really shielded me from much and I have some exceedingly open minded friends... even moreso than me! I also have excellent friends, I have a dozen or so people I could trust with my deepest secrets, my firstborns virginity and my life! I also have scores more friends who are extremely supportive and will help me in whatever I do.

I. Am. Lucky.

But yeah, teenagers can be assholes.

Gordon

Off topicness sent to recycle bin.

I told someone I would write a thread on the way this thread went but I feel it would be a waste of space, better left to private for now. If anyone has any problems with the way this was handled please feel free to PM or email me. Yellum I am awaiting your email reply. WWMan check your PMs.

[back on topic]

De Rebel

Noel, et al

First off – well done for having the good sense to discuss your feelings and not try bottling them up.

Second – I knew I was gay long before I knew what gay was. I was interested in and fancied guys long before puberty.

Third – “Coming out” has become such a mega-deal. Start with the premis “To thine ownself be true and then thou canst not be false to any man”. Well, you have already done that! After that, tell people on a need to know basis. You should not be defined by your sexuality, and unfortunately if you come out now this will happen. You don’t need to tell everybody, they don’t reveal everything about themselves to you. A number of previous posts indicate that some time just after the leaving cert is a good time, and as a general proposition that makes a lot of sense. You will find that telling some people at a certain time is just the right thing to do. Fine, do it. But if it takes effort, initiative, planning and worry – defer it. Remember you have had 15 years to get used to the fact that your gay, your friends, should you choose to tell them, will have 15 seconds to acclimatise before reacting. And from the sound of things, you are a lot more mature than they are likely to be.

Fourth – well done – Again!

Other comments –

Dave, great post.

DeVore – the idea of a GLB board is a good one. I would suggest that you have two boards, a G one and a L one – different audiences often with different concerns. And it will need strong mod/s, perhaps even with review of posts prior to publication – so many GLB boards rapidly descend into pick-up territory. I can give you examples if you wish.

STaN

Which Dave

I dont think we have the numbers for a G board and a L board. Plus it exposes gender which some people might not be happy about, and Gay includes any1 who is attracted to his/her own gender.

I asked for a GLB board a few weeks back (under alias, but it was me) and DeV said there MAY be one when boards moves servers and vB 3.0 is installed so we can look forward to that if it comes into being.

STaN

I have just started college and face the prospect of 'Comming out' to my new class (40) and my new college 800+ ?

Well i dropped a few hints, in that i know about the gay bars and their names 'Candy' etc.

Im not sure how receptive they'll but if they dont like it im sure others wont mind. We'll see how it goes . Ill join the GLB society though, which should be fun

Hopefully it will go ok, and people who may be as homophobic as those scary clowns dont think i was talking to them cause i fancied them Just fearing a mass rejection, or in general is college a, 'anything goes' type thing?

Zero

Dear God, everyone's gay.

lordsippa

Originally posted by Zero
Dear God, everyone's gay.

Is that a come on?

segadreamcast

Originally posted by lordsippa
Is that a come on?

Well, by looking at his signature you get the impression that it could be ...

"++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

http://www.quake.ie/nD - We own your ass.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++"

Hmmmm...

WhiteWashMan

the 'happy' gene and the humour gene do not necessarily go hand-in-hand.

omahaid

Hi there,
I'm not gay but in some way's I know where your'e coming from. When I was 18 I got my 17(barely:) ) year old girlfriend pregnant. Then I live'd in a small town so at the start everybody talked about me,(for my fiancee it was worse). I learnet then be very very careful who you tell, family included, but at that age we were all thinking about the years ahead. I dunno but about 16.7345666 I matured, so be safe wait until your sure. Now most of my buddies supported me, but none of them said they were gay but at that age I know I would have been beside them but at 15 I dunno.Now I know that 15 would be too young to accept but at 17 I would have, strange

yellum

.

(Dragging up old posts)

STaN

u robz0red it!

monument

noel, just wanted to repeat what some have said... dont rush into making any fast judgements about your sexuality at such a young age, think about it

and if you do tell any of your friends becareful who and if its the right time to do so.

what every you do good look with it!

Typedef

Originally posted by Seraphina
people may accidently say something and things can spread very easliy. there's nothing wrong with people knowing your sexual orientation however 15 year old boys aren't exactly the most mature people in the world, and you probably would get abuse about it.

Where you see probably read, definately. As a rule fifteen year old boys are in fact a lower order of life then the rest of the human species and are totally obsessed with being men (which they aren't being fifteen), thus are the most likely to give you stick about being gay.

For what it's worth, tell a close girlfriend (maybe) and that is it. Fifteen year old boys of the ilk (especially in a co-ed school) will use you as a means of looking cool in front of their friends and chicks in general and will definately play the fag card.

If I were you, I would leave it until I was eighteen or in college, because while there are bound to be guys who are chilled out about you being gay, for the most part all you will meet is ignorance, bigotry, misunderstanding and hatred from males of that age who are mostly just unevolved, immature non-simians. Guys who will feel insecure about you being gay and will use your sexuality to endeer themselves to the group.
Typically at this age any and all permutations of what is classically ascribed as being 'deviant' are extricated, quelled and smited by largely unintelligent group psychosis neonates come adolescants and said adolescants ability to determine right from wrong is utterly subsumed by their desire to cope with their raging hormones, and for this reason, if I were you, I would keep my mouth shut and my head down.

Leave the publicity of your sexual orientation, until you get into a more mature crowd of people, say around the 18-19 year old mark.

That'd be my take anyway.

Talliesin

I came out as bisexual to my classmates when I was at school (some years before I came out to my mother BTW). One thing that certainly made this easier was that the first person I came out to was a friend who had hinted that she was bi as well. So I came out to her, she came out to me, and we had a little school LGB society! (Lacking the L and G compontents).

This certainly made it a lot easier to come out to others, and probably reduced the risk of violence as well (anyone who might attack me might think twice about attacking me and a camogie-stick wielding dyke ).

Of course it also helped that I knew that my closest friends were strongly pro-Gay Rights before hand.