confusing situation

LegacyUser · 10-09-2002 9:27pm #1

this isn't exactly a serious issue, just looking for a little enlightenment
ok here's the deal
i'm 18, he's 30
we met recently through a work project, and i borrowed a few items of his which we met last week to return and have a drink. one drink turned into many and we talked alot about pretty much everything, we have alot of common interests. we left the pub and i turned to hug him, as i do all my mates. now im not sure what exactly happened next but i know he kissed me on the cheek. im not sure if he meant to just do that as a friendly gesture or if he thought i meant to do something else and was up for it. i realised my last bus was leaving which i needed to get and in the subsequent rush forgot to give him back the items which had remained in my bag as he had nothing to put them in. last week he asked me was i interested in travelling with him(and a few of his mates) to a concert of a band which we are both big fans of. he also texted me earlier today, asking to meet up for a drink, no mention of the items i have yet to return. im worried he thought the previous incident was an indication of something and wants to pursue it, as i can see no reason for him being interested in being friends with someone who is so much younger than him. i also see no reason for him wanting to pursue anything vaguely serious with someone so much younger than him, which leads me to one conclusion.. he thinks im easy.
am i jumping to wild conclusions? my imagination has a tendency to run away with me. advice on how u think i should handle the situation would be much appreciated, i've never been in one like this before.

Accordster · 10-09-2002 9:39pm

Your analysis of the situation seems pretty good--up until that little part at the end when you go from a to z without any evidence to justify such a leap

.

Let me tell you straight off that men have no qualms about dating much younger women--and not because we think they're "easy," but because we're genuinely attracted to them. I imagine you're thinking, "How could that possibly be? What could a 30 year old have in common with an 18 year old?" Well, it's because the criteria that makes men like a woman are entirely different than what makes a woman attracted to a man.

As for things in common, it doesn't take a hell of a lot

. Having a couple of fun conversations that showed that a girl isn't a complete wacko, along with physical attraction, is pretty much all it takes for a guy to fall for a chick. Believe me, we have much easier (not to mention far fewer, and less complicated) standards than women do!

My advice? Don't worry about things much, and don't let your worries start leading you off to unfounded conclusions. If you dig the guy, and you're having a good time, and he doesn't pressure you... Then does it really matter about the age difference? You might miss out on a really good thing if you allow silly hang-ups to get in the way.

Just for a reference point, I married my wife when she was 28 and I was 24. We're pretty happy still LOL.

LegacyUser · 10-09-2002 9:47pm

i didn;t really explain properly, i dont mean easy in the way its normally taken, in fact i didn't really mean easy at all, i dont know why i typed it.
there's another MAJOR factor
i'm still in school, the work thing, was only my part time job over the summer
it just sounds a little paedophilic to me, i really only think he's after one thing, which im not wholly bothered about, but i spose the age thing is just getting to me a little.

smiles · 10-09-2002 10:18pm

Do you like him? or are you attracted to him at all?

If not then tell him you're glad he's a mate, and leave it at that.

I get kissed on the hand/cheek by lots of guys, most of them older than me. Don't worry about it. Tell him "no" if you dont want to do anything.

I'm 17 and going out with a 24 year old, age gaps arent really as big for some people. So if you do like him wait and see what happens.

<< Fio >>

Beruthiel · 10-09-2002 10:22pm

you're 18, still in school - he's a 30 year old man, are you really sure you would want to get into that, could you handle it? You say you find it a bit weird, then it sounds like you are not totally comfortable with it, you have in fact, answered your own question.
And, yes, he is only looking for a good time, but what else would you be looking for at your age?

Smiles might have a different take on it?

Beruthiel · 10-09-2002 10:25pm

feck Smiles! you got there before me!!

LegacyUser · 10-09-2002 11:01pm

i spose im not sure how i feel about him, im gonna think about that before we meet up and just see what happens i guess. i know the whole kissing on the cheek wasn't a big thing, but like i said, i tend to jump waaaaaay over that proverbial gun!
the age gap doesn't get to me that much, i'm just surprised this guy wants anything to do with me, be it friendship or otherwise, and its making me paranoid and suspicious!
heheh smiles, your phrase made me laugh, tell him "no" if you dont want to do anything, it reminds me of primary school and all the teachers talking about staying safe with strangers and stuff!
anywho thanks for your comments on my not so important and rather muddled problem!

smiles · 10-09-2002 11:22pm

/me leaps Beruthial from behind

Ah no, some guys are actually nice, surprisingly.

If you like him then go for it - and if he's only out for one thing.... then deny him, and see if he sticks around - it's a sure fire method :P

<< Fio >>

The Corinthian · 11-09-2002 12:01am

Originally posted by smiles
If you like him then go for it - and if he's only out for one thing.... then deny him, and see if he sticks around - it's a sure fire method :P

You are a very, very evil woman, Fio

Ahem... Unreggie,

there’s frankly not a hell of a lot of difference between an 18-year-old woman and a 30-year-old man when you come down to it - although much of that is down to men never growing up

(It occurs to me that I never appreciated school uniforms enough when I was a schoolboy... *sigh*)

11-09-2002 8:26pm

Originally posted by The Corinthian
there’s frankly not a hell of a lot of difference between an 18-year-old woman and a 30-year-old man when you come down to it - although much of that is down to men never growing up
[

Thats so true a lot of the time.
I would agree with smiles angle on this.
I think you should go with the flow and Stop if the friendship is going somewhere you don't want it to go.

My Gran married my Grandad at 18, and he was 51!!
They went on to have eight kids and were very happy.
I do remember my Gran telling me though that he was awfull interested in doing the Wild thing fairly regular though:D , but she only allowed that sort of thing when they got married:p
mm

Gordon · 11-09-2002 9:05pm

Originally posted by madman

My Gran married my Grandad at 18, and he was 51!!

Blimey!! Theres hope for you yet Corinthian!

phobos · 11-09-2002 9:23pm

Originally posted by madman
I do remember my Gran telling me though that he was awfull interested in doing the Wild thing fairly regular though

Oh how I love when granny starts talking about her sex life

But on a more serious note. I don't think age matters that much. I also think that women are far more mature than males. Lads do too much on impulse, whereas women will have already predicted, and analysed. I haven't gone out with anyone more than 1.5 years younger than me, so I can't really comment too much on the whole guys perspective of going out with someone a few years younger.

;-phobos-)

Doodee · 12-09-2002 12:50pm

Just ask the fella what his intentions are, Some guys just like to have younger associates so they can hang on to some security that they aint becoming too "OLD"

Like you said

we have alot of common interests

He may only wish to spend more time with you as he may feel and understanding between you.
If he is after a bit more you can always just say that you are too young for him, also, the fact that you are 18 dont really make it paedophilic, Fact is there are allot more 16Yr old in the same boat, and unfortunatly, allot tend to be friends o mine.

Anways, just speaking from my own experience on this, I've often been told that I come off as trying to chat up every female, its purely Charm

If the guy is anything like me he may only be interested in your friendship...as he will let you know otherwise...

LegacyUser · 12-09-2002 9:30pm

My best friend found herself in the same situation a few years ago. And this is actually my friend we're talking about not me! so anyway......she was 18 at the time, changed guitar teachers, he was 28. They became good friends, they had a lot in common and before long they were going out. Long story short, they were together, and very much in love, for nearly two years. Then she clicked, realised that she was missing out on being 18/19 and really missed her freedom, missed just being a student and being young. She had had her fill of going out for drinks with his friends and listening to them talk about mortgages and little else. So she told him. And he hasn't said one word to her since. That was a few months ago. She doesn't know how he is but she knows she's much happier being able to live the life of a 20 year old and is relieved she didn't end up missing out on a really important part of her life because she had to act and live an older life.

That's just one person's experience.

confusing situation

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