He's hopeless!!!!

LegacyUser · 12-09-2002 10:31pm #1

I’m a 19 year old girl and I have this friend. He’s 23. We’ve known each other for over a year and we would consider each other very close friends. I was attracted to him from the outset and had a slight inkling that he might feel the same so way back, about 6 weeks after I met him, I told him how I felt. His response was a) that he was shocked coz that sort of thing never gets said to him and b) that he didn’t want to ruin things when he was just getting to know me. A polite thanks but no thanks you would think. Fair enough. Although I was extremely embarrassed about the whole thing, he kept insisting there was no need to be and things were normal again. Fair enough.

Now he’s, well he’s not shy generally, but he’s not too good at expressing his emotions, even down to simplest thing like being excited or annoyed about little things. He’d rather play it down and say very little. He’s quiet and wouldn’t ever dominate a conversation, say in a pub or whatever, but at the same time he’s a teacher (to a class of 7 year olds…aww) so he’s not shy in that way and also he’s fabulous musician and singer and would have no qualms playing at a party or front of an audience. So he’s strange like that. Plus I know he doesn’t think much of himself as a ladies’ man. But to me he’s genuinely attractive, physically. But I’m much more attracted to him as a person.

The thing that confuses me is he keeps dropping little hints, both when we’re alone and with friends, and he makes little cheeky comments which he clearly means me to hear. Like for instance, we’d be in a pub and I’d say I’m tired I’m going home to bed, and he’d say yeah good idea, bed it is, or something like that which leaves no question of what he’s implying. That’s probably a more extreme example! There are constant little things like I’d say god I think I’m getting a cold and he’d make a comment about not being able to kiss me now. I know this sounds corny but it’s done in such a cute way. One night yonks ago he kept saying about meeting my parents. And he said it a few times in the space of 5 minutes….?? I asked him about it later and he said it was just the Coke talking (he doesn’t drink) (and I’m talking Coca-Cola kinda coke) and that there would be ‘ a time for visiting’.

So you can see I’m rather confused. If I thought he didn’t like me, based on that turn-down a year or so ago, then I would accept it, but how can I when I keep hearing these things. In my heart I know he’s shy and would never dream of taking initiative. I don’t want to confront him too much about the hints, as I call them, because I’m afraid it would have a negative effect. Like y’know when you’re a kid and you find a snail and poke it with a stick, for fun, and it just goes right back into it’s shell….and you’re thinking aw crap, wish I hadn’t done that, now I have no snail…..

But what can I do?? I’ve done my bit, I’ve told him exactly how I feel and he’s fully aware of that I feel the same as I did in the beginning. I can only do so much and it’s killing me to think that shyness and him being afraid to take initiative and express his feelings is what’s keeping us from being together. It’s not right.

My best friend told me how suited we’d be before she knew I liked him, and just a short while after meeting him. She said she saw something in the way we talked to each other. And his best friend says things in front of us which lets me know he really wants us to get together too.
It’s really bothering me.

Are there any shy guys out there who know what he’s going through and who can help me? Or any girls with a similar problem. But preferably a solution!

Thank you very much for reading.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 12-09-2002 11:56pm

erm, confront him again and bring up some of his lil' hints and stuff.

i wouldn't take his erm.. refusal? a year ago to heart, he was prob just shy and didn't want to take the chance of ****in up a good friendship, maybe his feelings have changed now and he is testing the waters to see if yours are still the same..

don't be afraid to grab him by the balls and demand the truth, one of the worst thnigs you can do with shy lads is to let them play their shy/quiet little games, cos they will never make the first move, it's up to you

jd · 13-09-2002 12:33am

Originally posted by Mordeth
don't be afraid to grab him by the balls

Thats one way of doing it...

flamegrill · 13-09-2002 1:07am

Originally posted by Mordeth
one of the worst thnigs you can do with shy lads is to let them play their shy/quiet little games

LOL - take it from mordeth as he is one of these shy types IRL.

But do, stick it to him. Be subtle about it though. Dont pull a mordeth on it

hth,

Paul

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 13-09-2002 1:29am

*mutters*

I am not one of those shy types, I am not shy at all. I just don't have anything to say.. I find it quite easy to talk to strange people and girls (girls can of course be strange people, but they sometimes get offended when I call them that...) I am just Woeful at small talk

"so.. how bout them nix" ..

don't pull a mordeth on it..
*mutters*

Cake Fiend · 13-09-2002 2:12am

Jesus, you're still going on what happened a year ago?? People can change a hell of a lot in a year, don't act like the fact that you asked him about it that long ago is proof that you've "done your bit" and now it's up to him. He sounds like the type who's not going to say anything no matter what, even if he does feel the same, so it's up to you to tell him straight out that you still have feelings for him and find out how he feels, or you'll both regret it.

I used to be the shy type, and if there weren't girls out there willing to make the first move and persevere, I'd still be a virgin.

Beruthiel · 13-09-2002 9:05am

ffs! bring him home for coffee and jump him, bet he doesn't refuse!

Dr. Loon · 13-09-2002 9:14am

Originally posted by Beruthiel
ffs! bring him home for coffee and jump him, bet he doesn't refuse!

Spot on. That's what I was going to suggest. Beruthiel knows her shít!

logic1 · 13-09-2002 9:30am

Post naked pictures of yourself here. I find that works best in these cases.

.logic.

Lemming · 13-09-2002 10:01am

Originally posted by Beruthiel
ffs! bring him home for coffee and jump him, bet he doesn't refuse!

ROFL

The master of subtelty, eh Beruthiel? You speaking from experience :P

LegacyUser · 13-09-2002 10:14am

Originally posted by logic1
Post naked pictures of yourself here. I find that works best in these cases.

.logic.

ahahhahahah i agree.

Beruthiel · 13-09-2002 10:25am

Originally posted by Lemming
The master of subtelty, eh Beruthiel? You speaking from experience :P

well, as Dr. Loon so nicely put it, I know my shít - but a *lady never brags....

*used in the broadest sense of the word!

WhiteWashMan · 13-09-2002 1:06pm

Originally posted by Beruthiel

, I know my shít - but a *lady never brags....

you mean you take it up the... never mind.

anyway, i was going to say hop on him, he obviously fancies you.
but ber got there first.....

Beruthiel · 13-09-2002 1:17pm

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
you mean you take it up the... never mind.

wwm you disgust me!

that trip over in the east did you no good!!

LegacyUser · 13-09-2002 5:28pm

like has been said before, jump on him

But don't rape the poor guy.
Bring him back, snuggle/wubble/cuddle etc.
If he doesn't go for it he's obviously into sheep.
In that case I'll pm you my mobile no.

Mercury_Tilt · 13-09-2002 5:56pm

This post has been deleted.

Jak · 13-09-2002 7:23pm

See above.

Merc_tilt has hit the nail on the head as far as I am concerned.

I have 'friends who are girls' whom even at the risk of 'ruining a good friendship' I was with - and sure in one or two cases we lost touch. Why did I do it? Because I found them attractive.

I also have 'friends who are girls' whom I simply would not ever get involved with ... ever. Because while I like them as people and am content to hang out with them - they aren't my type. And sure I may jokingly flirt - but it is just banter.

There are two categories of friends for me:

A: Girls I find attractive

and then

B: Dogs, cats, blokes, family, other girls.

And while I love spending time with all parties I would only ever sleep with people from category A.

Hopefully I am wrong but it really seems unlikely that the guy is 'just shy' and if jumping him fails you have one pretty god awful evening to look forward to ..

LegacyUser · 13-09-2002 10:37pm

Originally posted by SyxPak

If he doesn't go for it he's obviously into sheep.
In that case I'll pm you my mobile no.

my my. doors are a-opening......

jaze, the jumping him approach sounds tempting.

it really just epitomises gender inequality doesn't it? Before you even get started the woman is doing all the work!! The man just sits there like a right aul scuzbag. A woman's work is never done. It's so true. I wonder who said that originally coz I'm sure they must have a load of other insightful statements to lend to the world as well. Hmm that sounds like sarcasm - it's not.

Thanks for the replies.

l3rian · 14-09-2002 1:16am

i read the title wrong and though it said hes homeless, haha i read the whole thing waiting for a shocker

Kolodny · 15-09-2002 1:57pm

Originally posted by logic1
Post naked pictures of yourself here. I find that works best in these cases.

I don't think I've ever seen naked pictures of you in PI.

Seriously though, I would tend to agree with Beruthiel. The 'jumping on' trick is generally quite successful.

Thanx 4 The Fish · 16-09-2002 11:25am

[Voice of experience]

Jumping on works, was sat in a night club one night and one of best mates jumped me, was all good and we were a couple for about three years. Not together now, but still good mates
[/Voice of experience]

That naked pics thing surely does work too...:p

logic1 · 16-09-2002 11:34am

Originally posted by Kolodny

I don't think I've ever seen naked pictures of you in PI.

If you show me yours I'll show you mine.

.logic.

Beruthiel · 16-09-2002 11:42am

you have nakid pics of yourself logic1?
kinky

LegacyUser · 16-09-2002 11:53am

Originally posted by Beruthiel
you have nakid pics of yourself logic1?
kinky

Well no, but I'm hoping someone else will post theirs first then I'll call my own bluff and laugh all the way to the naked picture emporium.

.logic.

skorn · 16-09-2002 10:50pm

I think this guy is really shy and drops the hints etc as a way of masking his shyness and propably hoping that you'll pick up on one and make the first move.

I suggest when the 2 of you are alone: kiss the guy
You make the big move, some guy sometimes need a jump start I know I did.

Gordon · 16-09-2002 11:58pm

If anyone posts naked pictures I'm deleting the posts and keeping the pictures for myself

Thanks for getting us back on track skorn.

Victor · 17-09-2002 3:54pm

I remember the first time I was invited to the cinema by a girl. I was scared to death.

Originally posted by skorn
I suggest when the 2 of you are alone: kiss the guy

Would agree with this, if you want to be sensative about it, move up from a peck on the cheek to a peck on the lips to eventually licking his tonsils. Do this over a few nights out.

po0k · 17-09-2002 5:34pm

What? No "chit-chat", no "parlance"?
And whatever happened to the junior Disco nosedive?

He's hopeless!!!!

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