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A few funny jokes

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  • 13-09-2002 1:44pm
    #1
    netwhizkid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,558 ✭✭✭


    Adventures in Disneyland

    Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
    So they went home.

    Yo Mama Hoover
    Yo' mama's like a vacuum cleaner -- she sucks, blows, and gets laid in the closet!

    $500 Porsche

    A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.
    "Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house.

    "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

    "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."


    A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding

    A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red.
    He says, "Gee, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?"

    Jenna replies, "No officer, but gee, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?


    An APB On God

    A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous.
    The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.

    The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

    The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

    Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

    At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

    The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"




    Barbie and Britney

    Q: What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?
    A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.



    ABC

    Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.
    "ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."

    "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?

    "It's running down my leg."


    Ha Ha my jokes are very good,

    Regards netwhizhid


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    #2
    Spiffing
    Closed Accounts Posts: 536 ✭✭✭Spiffing


    Originally posted by netwhizkid
    $500 Porsche

    A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.
    "Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house.

    "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

    "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."

    I don't get it.


  • Options
    #3
    netwhizkid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,558 ✭✭✭netwhizkid


    He told his wife to sell his car, a Porshe should have made around $10,000-$15,000 not $500, so she conned her husband on the deal !

    Now do you get it ?

    Regards netwhizkid


  • Options
    #4
    Pugsley
    Registered Users Posts: 7,136 ✭✭✭Pugsley


    loved the barbie/britney one :)


  • Options
    #5
    po0k
    Registered Users Posts: 15,815 ✭✭✭✭po0k


    Originally posted by netwhizkid
    He told his wife to sell his car, a Porshe should have made around $10,000-$15,000 not $500, so she conned her husband on the deal !

    Now do you get it ?

    Regards netwhizkid

    you're not an accountant by anychance? Or German?

    Surely if she wanted to truly fúck the husband over she'd have sent a bill to the husband for the towing away of the car and kept the cash for herself.
    Dumb bítch.


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