Friendship after college?

red_ice

I've started college and already my week is jammed! Maybe because its 'freshers week' but i find that i am making too many friends for my liking(not that i dont like making friends) in the fact that when i make friends i tend to make em good ones.

My girlfriend who also started college went to her 'freshers ball' last night and was approached by too many people for my liking, and was sadned when she finally got the picture that guys are only after one thing... i know i was when i got her

But the point im trying to make is something that was on my mind ever since yesterday when a m8 from my former school said to me as we drove home....

"Im not here to make friends, i already have them at home. All im here to do is work, and thats that."

Now i dont want to be mean or anything, but ever since i heard that, my views on college have totally changed. I have a great time with my proper friends, and a fcuking great time with my girlfriend who i could never replace. I dont feel that i want to meet people now in college, because i like my life the way it is and i dont want it to change

My girlfriend is the total opposite, she wants to go out and get stuck in makin new friends - which to me spells less time with me and more time out with the girls trying to help them get stuck into boys i dont want that either...

Am i wrong for thinking this?
Has anyone else thought like this?
Am i a psycho for thinking that my gf would enjoy other peoples company more than mine?

Ease my mind a little...

This is my first post on these boards, so go easy...

reD.

LegacyUser

I get what you're saying. I've no real interest in making new friends. In that, I don't try to. If someone comes along who I get on with then that's fine, otherwise I don't try. So no, I don't think you're a psycho at all, and I don't think you;d be wrong. Like me I make frends good friends, I'm not into "aquaintances" as such.

seamus

Don't worry about it m8. I'm the same. In first year, there was a huge group of us that hung around together, but gradually it got smaller, now I only hang around with 3/4 people and outside of college I'd only go out drinking with them on a special occasion. Otherwise I go out with my normal mates. My gf is different though, in that she's in a tiny course (around 25 people) and they're all good mates. She also has a habit of doing the whole good friends thing with anyone she spends more than 15 mins talking to, but it deosn't bother me much. I see her plenty during the week, and will nearly always opt for going out with my mates instead of her and her college mates. The first few weeks of college are a bit mad, and everyone seems to be offering excuses to go out right, left and centre, but after two months or so it dies down, and most normal people only go out once/twice a week, cos that's all they can afford.

I wouldn't worry about it at all. If you're really apprehensive about your gf going out with the girlz, you can always tag along with your mates!

Beruthiel

because i like my life the way it is and i dont want it to change

now I am not trying to be patronizing when I say the following, I'm saying it 'cos for most people it's true...
you don't want your life to change, but already it has, that's normal, you are young, it's going to change a lot more, in fact it will never stop changing and that's not a bad thing, people move away, go to other countries, the list is endless but don't think for one minute that what you have now is what you will have in 10/20 years time.

Has anyone else thought like this?

Everyone does at some stage I'm sure, just when I think my life has settled it changes again, it can be sad or happy but it's never boring.

Am i a psycho for thinking that my gf would enjoy other peoples company more than mine?

you are not psycho, you are scared you'll loose her, but if you give her a hard time about it, you definately will loose her, so relax, let her enjoy the freedom of it all and you do the same. If you guys are ment to be, then it will all work out. I see nothing wrong with meeting and making new friends, that's what life is about. Above all, enjoy yourself right now and don't be worrying!

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
This time next year she will be banging someone else...and so will you.

just come right out and say it MercT

I didn't have the heart, but the chances are high........

thedrowner

your life's gonna change anyway, so u might as well try to make some new friends, coz it could be for the better! I'm here to work hard, but to make friends along the way too. In my course, i ahve many practicals, and they are far more enjoyable when u can joke along with the person beside you.

its nice to be able to have people from your course that you can get along with. remember, your friends from home wont be able to give you the understanding with college problems that youre college friends can give you. And they'll pretty much be on the same timetable as you too so whats the harm in getting to know a few ppl here and there???

Gordon

Red_ice, you can see that Merc is being easy on you huh!

Mark, I don't know what you are worrying about - getting replies on this situation in PI is much more daunting than the actual situation

If this is the same girlfriend you've had since I knew you then it seems that you can stand the test of friends!

Don't worry reddy, just enjoy.

The_Conductor

One thing- don't be a sheep- you don't have to follow everyone else doing the "in" things.
Regardless of how things work out with you and your girlfriend, remember that your happiness is what matters- not how the rest of the deluded sheep view you.
Loads of people are at college for the social life, and yes there is one hell of a social life. Just remember- at the end of your 4 years you will be leaving, and have to face the big bad world. Freshers think the culture shock of college is enormous after leaving secondary school, unfortunately its only the beginning.

As Shakespear put it- "All the worlds a stage, and all the men and women merely players".

Typedef

Originally posted by red_ice
Am i a psycho for thinking that my gf would enjoy other peoples company more than mine?

I wouldn't get overtly uptight about it.

Example I was slightly jealous, when I chick I had been seeing went back to her husband* in France. Now I was quite convinced when said French chick told me that she prefared me and would leave him (yada,yada,yada) and not meaning to dwell on the subject but it didn't happen. Not that I'm bitter or angry at that bitch, so umm, in short no you aren't psycho for thinking that your girlfriend 'might' enjoy other people's company more than yours because given the opportunity she just might.

N'est pas?

*They had a contract that the homosexuals get in France, which is not quite marraige

red_ice

Gordon, yas - its the same girl..

As far as the realationship thing goes, im just worried that we will grow appart, thats all. I wont let us tho..

but the main part that im worried about is that i have to commit to new friends, which i always do... but i also have other people to think of, so its not the best of situations if i want to be happy in college and out of it.

reD.

Gordon

Real friends, I believe, are people that you shouldn't have to "commit to". They will be with you through thick and thin.

If you grow apart then it is meant to be, you will both be happier if it happens and if it is meant to be.

If you lose friends then it is meant to be, you will both be happier if it happens and if it is meant to be.

Have fun and don't forget to study... or have study and don't forget to have fun. But most importantly... have fun.

edit]= take note of your signature!

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

WhiteWashMan

stop worrying.
do what makes you feel happiest.
dont put your girlfriend on a leash (unless...)
why dont you want to meet people? that seems kind of inward looking to me.
college is about getting a degree and having fun. there is nothing wrong with making new friends, you are not betraying your old ones. besides, you find that your old ones will drift away and you will be left with nought if you dont make new ones. thats life. it happens. its not just a college thing.
i bet you thought youd keep your school friends from primary school when you went into secondary. how many of those do you talk to now?
not that many i bet.
stop worrying!

life is for living, not for being sad, worried, afraid. and you will always be afraid if you dont experience life. and experience will stop you from being worried and sad.
QED

smiles

Well, its a personal thing, i've made a pile of new friends and i'm having a ball but i do still miss and care about my old friends.

I've been crazily busy to the point where i didnt talk to yone of them for about a week and now they've lot the plot and gotten mad at me.

I dont know, the first few weeks of college are crazy, i think it all settles down a bit after that tho.

<< Fio >>

Pepe LeFrits

Mark, just relax man!

And lets go for some beerage next week, txt me sexy

logic1

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
I should point out that that was my gentle version.

The other version concerned finding out Logie was putting his man meat into her.

I was going to come from the “it could be worse angle”.

My angle of entry was perfectly acceptable! couldn't be better infact.. perfect form all the time.

.logic.

irishgeo

having the college thing. it does quieten down and you will filter your friends down to you really turst.

i have met lots of people in collge but this one girl is my best firend in the whole world and i not chnage anything. She is not my gf but one of the best friends ever.

i am going to bed now.

Pepe LeFrits

Originally posted by irishgeo
having the college thing. it does quieten down and you will filter your friends down to you really turst.

i have met lots of people in collge but this one girl is my best firend in the whole world and i not chnage anything. She is not my gf but one of the best friends ever.

i am going to bed now.

Sound advice, heed his words Mark. Irishgeo isn't going out with his bestest friend, but he is going to bed to filter his turst to have the college thing.

irishgeo

sorry my spelling is ****. i was tired and too lazy to check it last night but i did want to get my point across.

Kali

But the point im trying to make is something that was on my mind ever since yesterday when a m8 from my former school said to me as we drove home....

"Im not here to make friends, i already have them at home. All im here to do is work, and thats that."

dear god that guy sounds like a total loser.
college is about making new friends, new experiences, bit of fun and get a piece of paper at the end of it... I hope he has a bloody miserable four years because he's setting himself up for one.

I met absolutely loads of people during my time in college and one year on am regularly still in contact with them.. I mean I've about three different groups of friends who were all from college.. Only ppl I am still in contact with from secondary are my two best friends.

You are allowed have more than one set of friends you know... only complete knobs go locking themselves in a social box... next thing you'll be in a full-time job and have more excuses to go out.

red_ice

the point im trying to make kali, is that when i make friends i try to keep them good ones... by me makin loads of mew friends, i have less time with other ones, the main one being my gf, that is also in the same situation as me...

comprendais?

reD.

damnyanks

Well I started college as well, only one person from my school went to the place and we never really talked plus he was in a different course anyway...

So I had to get friendly, as did many others (quite obvious if someone doesnt know anyone else there)

Anyway, I'm glad I did. I have met different types of people totally different to who I would usually go out with from school or my local area. It's good to have a nice change and friends do come and go no mattter how good they are.

Kalina

REd, you are going to be miserable in college if you don't make friends. From my own experience when you go to college you will lose touch with some of your friends at home, remember a good majority of them are gone to college or working in new jobs and they are living a different life too. They will want to make friends and settle in so they won't have as much time to come home and spend with old friends.
I advise you do the same. You should be well able to combine all your course work, your girlfriend and a social life too. Your girlfriend obviously wants to enjoy her first year in college so why don't you just enjoy it with her. Merc said it best... you might not even last first year together so don't leave yourself with no options if it does happen.
And Kali has a good point, your mate does sound like a loser. He's going to be very lonely a year or so from now!

spooky donkey

well im 6 years out of colledge and i still keep in with a good few, but not all of the friends i had in colledge. I only have one school friend left. So use this as an opertunity to chsnge youre life style.

I supose it helps that we all work in the same industry, IT.

thegills

Being practical you need friends in college. If you miss a lecture or 2 and need the notes or need to copy someones lab report who would you ask. I found that studying with friends as well is good as usually if you don't understand something one of your friends usually will. I spend 1 month studying for my finals with about 5 other lads (engineering) and I got the best results of my life. I even enjoyed the studying as we were always trying to outdo each other in a nice way and hence improved probably more than if I studyed alone.

I have finished college 6 years now and I got my last job mainly because a mate from college worked in the company and spoke about me favourably. I work in the telecoms business and every so often I meet an ex college person - not always a friend but it helped that I was always friendly in college. If you are an ignoramus it will come back to haunt you eventually.