Are looks important in a relationship?

WhiteWashMan

some would say its shallow, adn that beauty is only skin deep, but how important are looks in a relationship?

personally, i think they are important.. after all, physical attraction is a big part of a relationship, and if you didnt fancy someone, why would you be with them?

so, do you reckon im shallow, or am i just open enough to admit that i wouldnt be with a bugly?

Gaz

Physical appearance is a major factor in my opionion.

Lets assume your in a pub/nightclub and you see a girl across the room that you would like to dance with or bone or whatever, what attracted you to her from across the room ? Definitly wasnt her personality so of course looks are important. Thats just one situation.

I find it looks are also important in a relationship, If you are physically atracted to a person i believe there will be more of a spark / sexual chemistry if you know what i mean ..


ahh sod this im off home .....

Vivi

ya ur shallow................



No its true if u didnt fancy some1 u prop never even bother with them to get to know them, so u'd never like them just by there personality alone, if that makes any sense.....


it sounded better in my head

Beruthiel

important enough for sure.
he's got to have at least one cute thing about him, before I will give him a go. Though I do find the more I get to know someone (and if I like them) they get much more attractive as time goes on.

but yes wwm, remember - even you are gonna get old a wrinklie!!
I wonder if when we are all 60 years old what our answers will be like? I'll take anything as long as it's still warm

LegacyUser

Yeah your shallow....

but then, so is every other person in the world.

Yes there is something seriously wrong about judging someone by their lucks, but everyone does. Is that an excuse? - No a simple fact. Dont beat yourself up about it...I dont...

Ivan

DapperGent

For a relationship to work there has to be physical attraction so no it's not shallow to want your other half have a certain level of beauty.

The way I see it is that we expect a prospective bf or gf to be of a critical level of physical attractiveness, only once this cutoff point is reached and breached does the prospect's personality and it's compatibility with yours become important in terms of a relationship.

What muddies this issue somewhat is when someone smashes right through your cutoff point and progresses towards the stratosphere, at this point the hideousness of their personality can be overshadowed by their hotness. This type of relationship is usually shortlived - unless the girls breasts are particularily big.

One of the nicer things about being a boy is that girls seem to have relatively lower cutoff points, a boys personality appears to become more important a lot earlier in this process.

The shallow stuff that people do seems to revolve around having partners so that other people not they, can find them attractive and so they can bask in the reflected glory. If you find yourself attracted to someone and then start worrying if your best mate will think they're cute you're probably shallower than a plate of piss.

BEAT

it depends on what type of relationship u r looking for really, If I am out for a one nighter then I am not particulary interested in what kind of schooling he has..ya know..but really, I have met a lot of people that you wouldnt consider sexpots and once you start to talk to them and get to know them, they become attractive to you...sure, physical attraction will get you fun for a little while, but it doesnt always last.
It really is what is inside that counts I have to come realize, and have met some great guys because I am open to that frame of mind.
I will give anyone that walks up to me and is chatting me up a fair shot..and not based on what they look like.
tbh, if you can make me laugh, and have an interesting conversation then you've got on hold on me

Sposs

Sure Beauty is only skin deep after all whos ever seen a good looking lung or intestine

JACK666

<Sure Beauty is only skin deep after all whos ever seen a good looking lung or intestine>

wHAT KIND OF CRAP ARE YOU TALKING NOW.

kaimera

If your looking for some sort of serious relationship then that physical attraction has to be there.

Art thou shallow?
Kinda...prolly just too quick to judge and label ppl [wait...is that shallow?!]. I mean, how do you judge somebody by their looks without knowing them?

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Ivan
Yeah your shallow....

but then, so is every other person in the world.

Yes there is something seriously wrong about judging someone by their lucks, but everyone does. Is that an excuse? - No a simple fact. Dont beat yourself up about it...I dont...

Ivan

who said anything about judging anyone on their looks?
i said id prefer to be in a relationship with someone who was good looking.
i didnt say that the downside was they had no personality
good looking people have personalities as well.
and dont come back with the whole 'yeah but they know theyre good looking and act a certain way like their head is up their arse etc etc' because frankly i dont believe that is true.
perhaps im not getting my point across.

it has nothing to fdo with meeting people, one night stands, or anything like that.
im talking about having a relationship. one that is longer than 2 weeks, which i know knocks out half of you
if you were in a relationship, are you all saying that its shallow to prefer to have a good looking partner than not?
its not a disucssion on personality. its not a discussion on the benefits of being able to talk to someone.
its purely a discussion on whether its shallow to want a good looking partner.

i dont think im shallow for wanting to be with someone i find attractive.

and to be honest, and im going to get stoned for saying this, its usually not good looking people who say that its shallow. its people who arent an oil painting that say beauty is skin deep. its people who have issues, should i say, with their own appearance.

after all, its just an attribute, and we have our favourite attributes dont we. if you werent attracted to your partner physically and sexually, then whats the point of having a relationship???

Sposs

wHAT KIND OF CRAP ARE YOU TALKING NOW.

:rolleyes:

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Kaimera
If your looking for some sort of serious relationship then that physical attraction has to be there.

Art thou shallow?
Kinda...prolly just too quick to judge and label ppl [wait...is that shallow?!]. I mean, how do you judge somebody by their looks without knowing them?

its not about judging people by their looks.
its about being IN a relationship with someone who is attractive.

Originally posted by Kaimera
I mean, how do you judge somebody by their looks without knowing them?

you can judge them on how they look.
you can talk to them to find out about them.

one does not negate the other....

kaimera

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
its not about judging people by their looks.
its about being IN a relationship with someone who is attractive.

So where's the problem?

Shallow for being in a relationship with somebody good looking? Never.

deepspeed

well how about if ur in a relationship for about a year and then he/she puts on a good bit of weight and doesnt look as good, whats the *right* thing to do, u cant say anything but would it be terrible to end the relationship on the grounds that ya dont find em attractive anyomore???

*phew*

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

logic1

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt


Though cos I luv her I'd let her have a few bashes at making fry's with her feet. No point in being to harsh.

It's all down to genetics at the end of the day. I saw this one program on TV about a guy who could play the piano with his toes. Admittedly they were extremly long, almost as long as fingers. He had no problem at all. So I bet he could handle.. or should I say footle a frying pan easily. But what about the smell. It's not like we wear socks on our hands and walk around on them all day although some people make a good living like that.

And if you're into foot fetishes then it's Christmas all round.

But you can't beat a good hand or two.

The moral of the story here is amputees are fun but only for a short while.

.logic.

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by deepspeed
well how about if ur in a relationship for about a year and then he/she puts on a good bit of weight and doesnt look as good, whats the *right* thing to do, u cant say anything but would it be terrible to end the relationship on the grounds that ya dont find em attractive anyomore???

*phew*

ahh, now there you go.
good point,
what would you do???

admittedly i wouldnt want to go out with a hippo

Beruthiel

[Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
So If I put a hot water bottle up my jumper theres a chance me and you could get together?

well Merc, to quote that classic film, Dumb and Dumber - yes, there's a chance in a million.........

I also told her if she lost both arms she's got a one way ticket to dumpsville. Same if she get dead fat.

and what happens if it's you who looses the arms or gets fat??who will love Mercie then???

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

WhiteWashMan

i will comfort you in your hour of need.......:(

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
I dont remember that quote. I'll take it thats me shot down though.

well his comment back was: so, I still have a chance then?

My ickle heart will be broken. Not looking forward to it at all

ah sure, I'll bring you out for a pint and pat ya on you little bald head
you could always head over to Oz with her......

thedrowner

i dont think looks are important in a long term relationship. I'd find myself being shallow if it were for a short term relationship, or just a snog or whatever, but for me to be able to go out with someone, i ahve to know them quite well. if i think they're a wonderful person, then i start finding them attractive anyways. So it doesnt matter if they look like a dogs dinner, coz as far as im concerned, theyre gorgeous. if ya get me?

LegacyUser

If you fancy someone you will find them attractive. If you dont fancy someone then you wont find them attractive. If you dont find someone attractive but fancy them you are kinky. If you find someone attractive and dont fancy them you are wonky.

LegacyUser

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan


who said anything about judging anyone on their looks?
i said id prefer to be in a relationship with someone who was good looking.
i didnt say that the downside was they had no personality
good looking people have personalities as well.
and dont come back with the whole 'yeah but they know theyre good looking and act a certain way like their head is up their arse etc etc' because frankly i dont believe that is true.
perhaps im not getting my point across.

it has nothing to fdo with meeting people, one night stands, or anything like that.
im talking about having a relationship. one that is longer than 2 weeks, which i know knocks out half of you
if you were in a relationship, are you all saying that its shallow to prefer to have a good looking partner than not?
its not a disucssion on personality. its not a discussion on the benefits of being able to talk to someone.
its purely a discussion on whether its shallow to want a good looking partner.

i dont think im shallow for wanting to be with someone i find attractive.

and to be honest, and im going to get stoned for saying this, its usually not good looking people who say that its shallow. its people who arent an oil painting that say beauty is skin deep. its people who have issues, should i say, with their own appearance.

after all, its just an attribute, and we have our favourite attributes dont we. if you werent attracted to your partner physically and sexually, then whats the point of having a relationship???

Simply what you've got to ask yourself is this : Why do I want to have a partner who is good looking? I mean the fact you have to ask the question should answer it imho.

quote:

---

Originally posted by deepspeed
well how about if ur in a relationship for about a year and then he/she puts on a good bit of weight and doesnt look as good, whats the *right* thing to do, u cant say anything but would it be terrible to end the relationship on the grounds that ya dont find em attractive anyomore???

*phew*

---

ahh, now there you go.
good point,
what would you do???

admittedly i wouldnt want to go out with a hippo

Now hang on a sec, I thought you were the one trying to figure out if you were shallow?

Personally in that situation it would all depend on what I was in the relationship for :

A) I find her extremely physically attractive, she gets fat I dump her = Me shallow.

I find her extremely physically attractive to begin with, then I find I like her personality. She gets fat I may or may not dump her depending on how much I liked her appearance as opposed to her personality. = Me maybe/maybe not shallow

C) I care nothing for her looks but find her deep and meaningfull. She is my soul mate. The kind of tripe you generally only see in the movies, she gets fat = Me needs to wake up.

Long story short, in my opinion I think all people are shallow in some form or the other. Either your basing your relationship on their looks or on their personality, surely its more or less the same thing? Why should getting to know them and deciding if you get on with them be less shallow than following the basic instinct of s/he looks good, they have a healthy body = healthy children.

You need something to judge your relationship on, to decide if you have a future together and 9 times out of 10 it has to be more than : Will he/she provide alot of healthy children, does she have good child-bearing hips etc. etc.

3. Not intellectually deep; not profound; not penetrating deeply;
simple; not wise or knowing; ignorant; superficial; as, a shallow mind; shallow learning.

http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=shallow

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
I also told her if she lost both arms she's got a one way ticket to dumpsville.

Surely you could rustle up a few phone directories to prop that end up, in that eventuality?

But seriously, the old adage of beauty is only skin deep is something only ugly people say - it certainly is important that we find the individual we’re with attractive, even if it’s for all the wrong reasons (i.e. some weird fetish).

But, let’s not forget that intellect, education, sanity, humour, affection and good sex. While there’s nothing wrong in saying that physical attraction is an important if not essential element to a relationship, I doubt if anyone would actually stay with anyone if that was the only element present.

WhiteWashMan

ivan, i like your style

personally, i wasnt trying to find out if im shallow. i know what i am.
im trying to get a general feel for what people think in these kinds of situations. maybe i should put a 'real posters view may differ from that posted' clause on my posts

however, the one point i would make is that if people think its shallow to dump someone if they put on excessive weight. is it then also shallow for people to dump their partner changes?
people change a lot over the years.
its the reason why so many young marrages dont last, the people involved change too much. they grow apart.
is this not similar in some ways?
for example, i wouldnt go out with someone who put me down all the time. i wouldnt go out with someone who didnt share in the house hold duties. i wouldnt go out with someone who had no respect for themselves or me. i wouldnt go out with someone who didnt take some sort of pride in their apperance, i mean who wants to go out with someone who looks like a rubbish bin? (no offense to those of you who think this kind of dress sense is fashionable), i wouldnt go out with someone who was stupid, and i wouldnt go out with someone who was ugly.

is the last one there the only thing that people would call me shallow for? its only another check box in the dating list isnt it.
i mean, you cant fúck a personality can you?

Saruman

The way i see it is simple... Looks are not the most important factor but they do count in some way... I would rather have someone with a great personality and someone i got on with but just ok looking.. at the end of the day there needs to be a physical attraction but it does not have to be a lot.. as long as the is something i find attractive about her, thats fine as long she has the personality im looking for. I in no way think my way of thinking is shallow... No doubt women see it the same... They want a good honest person and if he is good looking thats a bonus but there needs to be some physical attraction.. even if its only something as simple as the persons eyes or smile.

Kalina

Looks are important, if you don't know somebody personally then it will probably be their good looks that will attract you. But often you find yourself in a situation where the person in question is absolutely gorgeous but so boring/shallow and you have nothing in common with them. I've been there- bad!!:rolleyes:
The ideal scenario is getting to know someone, gool-looking or average or whatever, then you know and like their personality. If he/she is really good-looking then it's an added bonus but either way you have someone you can spend time with and enjoy their company.

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Saruman
I would rather have someone with a great personality and someone i got on with but just ok looking.

but wouldnt you prefer someone with great personality and fantastic looks

no one said there was a looks-personality trade off

thedrowner

Ivan makes excellent points. as does WWM. It's not that i think looks aren't important, but i just think when you're attracted to someone...thats exactly it. You could start fancying someone based on somehting other than their looks and they become the most attractive person EVER! So it doesnt matter that most people think their ugly, because you think they're gorgeous anyway, so ugliness is not a factor, and the physical side of things can progress.

This happened to me before! There's a guy in college i really fancy, and i can see that most people would think he is dog ugly but because im so attracted to him, its endearing....if ya get me.

another example i could give is thom yorke. No disrespect to him, but he really is an ugly fecker, IMO. Yet when radiohead were my favourite band, i thought he was so so so gorgeous. Attractiveness can rear it's ugly/pretty head based on anything!

bozzie

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan

i mean, you cant fúck a personality can you?

wwm
beauty is only a light switch away(even as i say this i remember a great saying "beauty is only skin deep but ugly gos right to the bone")

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Saruman

I know what you mean thedrowner, i was going out wirh someone before... She was not the best looking girl i ever saw thats for sure.. but when i got to know her better i found her to have some attractive looking features.. like her smile.. when she did not smile though she looked like a bulldog that got a slap of a bus!
Its not always the case though.. i have met people who have great personalities and i like them... but i cant go from friendship to take it further as i simply have no attraction to them (physically) in any way.. so there is always a barrier of some kind, however small... For me anyway.

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Saruman
however small....

keep it in your pants.

well, im happy that im not shallow. i feel that having a partner who is good looking/fit/whatever, si just as importnt as all the rest of qualifications that i would put on any person.
we all 'vet' people that we go out with. we all have our own check list that has to have a certain amount of ticks on it before we feel they are good enough to share our lives.
mine happens to have looks on it along with personality, humour, a nice smile and intelligence.
perhaps im just more 'fussy'?
perhaps thats why people get offended and say that i am shallow. maybe ive priced them out of the market place

thedrowner

i'm dying to see just how good lookin you are WWM coz presumably you'd expect your woman to have the same requirement for you!!!

yeah saruman, that's true. And sometimes you can meet the most gorgeous perosn and not be attracted to them either. But it'd be great if u could find someone who had it all!!!

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by thedrowner
i'm dying to see just how good lookin you are WWM coz presumably you'd expect your woman to have the same requirement for you!!!

you could be the hunchback of notre dame, but you may still havea certain level of (dare i say it) 'standards'.
of course, with you lot because youre not shallow, youd all be with the hunchback because looks arent too important.

or would you balk at the thought of having sex with a hunchback?
be honest.
i think you would.
and i think it goes to show that you also have a level or standard beyond what you are willing to do or be with.

of course, the hunchback will not get any women, but it doesnt stop him from wanting to be with someone beautiful
oh esmerelda!

as for me, im nothing special. i think im quiet plain. what i do have is a confidence in myself and im happy with myself and im at ease with myself.
hell, im receeding, im getting fat and i fart too much, but im happy with me, and i think that is what a lot of people will find attractive in someone.
if you think youre unattractive, you will wear unattractive clothes, walk with head down and be pretty miserable. if you are happy with you, then you will be smiling, happy, and people will recognise you as someone who is fun to be with, someone who is a good laugh, and someone who is easy to get along with.
these are qualities that people like in other people.

and im sure there are not many people here who would disagree that im not easy to get along with and good for a laugh (at least in real life, boards is different, here i can be grumpy and horrible )

as for my girlfriend, well to be honest, youd have to ask her that. she is the most fantastic person i have ever met, and i havent a clue what she is doing with me

thegills

I am from Dublin but working in Limerick now. From going out socialising you can see exactly what women look for in men when approaching them for the first time.
In Limerick, as long as you are over 6ft or play rugby you're alright, in Dublins its clothe's and hairstyle. In Dublin I've no problem chatting to girls but in Limerick they look at me as if I have 2 heads - explain that.

I'm not shallow but I value looks quite highly. I have a theory that I won't go out with a girl until I've seen her mother - chances are your girl will look like her in years to come.

Caesar_Bojangle

If looks were important i would truly be in the sh#* as i am so gaunt looking that its a sin, only thing saving me is some women like tall men, tis good to be 6'5.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by thegills
In Limerick, as long as you are over 6ft or play rugby you're alright, in Dublins its clothe's and hairstyle.

Physical strength is an attractive attribute for reasons of survival in Limerick.

Typedef

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
Our expression up Norfh was “you don't look at the mantel piece while poking the fire” Which I thought was a bit stupid as you might loose your balance and fall in and do some serious burnage to yourself.

The other side was “you need a nice mantel piece to look at when the fire goes out.”


The moral seems to be when you’re buying one of these new houses make sure you have enough money from the first time buyers grant to get a nice fire place.

Don’t cut corners on the kitchen either.

You will regret it in the long run.

I think you should go work for Sherry Fitzgerald.


(Ben comes up to Amber and puts a hand over her mouth.)
Ben: Don't make a sound, you understand? Who are you? A friend of my brothers?
(Amber slaps Ben's hand away.)
Amber: What are you talking about?
Ben: This is his apartment.
Amber: I moved in last month. They said the last tenant was taken away for...
Ben: Yes?
Amber: For re-education.


And of course looks are important, I mean you have to find someone attractive to want to do the deed and what is wrong with that? Naught. Looks/Personality trade off? Get a new house, shop around, either you get fleeced or you don't, that all depends on whether you buy from a reputable firm or not.*

*Typedef goes off to cleanse meaningless house allegory from self.

thedrowner

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
you could be the hunchback of notre dame, but you may still havea certain level of (dare i say it) 'standards'.
of course, with you lot because youre not shallow, youd all be with the hunchback because looks arent too important.

or would you balk at the thought of having sex with a hunchback?
be honest.
i think you would.
and i think it goes to show that you also have a level or standard beyond what you are willing to do or be with.

of course, the hunchback will not get any women, but it doesnt stop him from wanting to be with someone beautiful
oh esmerelda!

i never said i wasnt shallow, in fact i think i kind of agreed that i was. I just think sometimes u can find something you would usually ifnd ugly, attractive, so the physical barrier is broken that way!

and i agree with u about the confidence thing. im kind of that way myself. the pride i take in my appearance is for me, and if someone likes it/doesnt like it, it doesnt really change how i feel about it. unless it's someone im really close to.

but i do think that even the hunchback will get some...wonders will never cease

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by thedrowner
i never said i wasnt shallow, in fact i think i kind of agreed that i was. I just think sometimes u can find something you would usually ifnd ugly, attractive, so the physical barrier is broken that way!

and i agree with u about the confidence thing. im kind of that way myself. the pride i take in my appearance is for me, and if someone likes it/doesnt like it, it doesnt really change how i feel about it. unless it's someone im really close to.

but i do think that even the hunchback will get some...wonders will never cease

oh no!
i wasnt saying anything against what you said, i was just making a comment on something you said, the rest of the rant was just saying stuff

however, i am lucky that my girlfriend is extremely gorgeous and sexy
and not only that, she is very intelligent, terribly funny and is just generally smashing. and i love her very much

as for the hunchback, well, he may get some, but are they good looking
sure even the sun shines on a dogs arse every now and then....

McGinty

I find the whole 'looks' issue very subjective. What do most people deifne here as good looking. Is it good, clear skin, shiny hair, clear bright eyes, happy disposition. And the whole figure issue, is a a size 10 slim and a size 14 tor fat (for women) as a female, it is hard to define what is large or not large, or what is good looking or not good looking.

For me, I have to be able to have an intelligent conversation with the person I fancy. Looks are not the most important thing, I cannot go out or even bonk a thick man. So for me it is level of intelligence. However I wouldn't mock anyone who wants to have a good looking partner. Maybe looks are more important for men, or am I being sexist.

Jak

Physical looks ...

Apparently all boils down to symmetry. There was actually an interesting study on the perfect ratio for a beautiful face ... disputed obviously .. but interesting.

Personally looks are pretty important to me. I don't mind if a girl is tall or not so tall, blonde or brunette - but I would never date someone who was seriously overweight. This will sound harsh, but we would simply be incompatible - and while friends is one thing and it won't make a damn site of difference to me, I don't think I could ever get involved seriously with someone who doesn't take care of themselves.

When it comes to just approaching a random girl, I always look for a pretty face that catches my eye first, then .. shallow as it is - make a snap judgement on their body and after that would go over to chat. Like a lot of people I have had plenty of non starter physical relationships which were just that - but for a relationship to work, I need someone who's personality fits with that of my friends and I (I always consider my friends' judgement on someone) and if it is really for the long haul, someone who has at least a couple of the same sporting interests.

I hate relationships based purely on meals, cinema outings and weekend piss ups, if it is really to work, I need someone who I will see sober during regular days and still get on with.

Anyhows Eamo, the obvious answer is ... Yes - they are important

Oeneus

I honestly don't think looks are important.

In terms of maybe just checking out girls coming out of clubs on a Friday night they probably do.

But, I know this is strange, but I know a few girls who aren't exactly the prettiest of flowers, but for some reason I still seem to find myself quite attracted to them.

These are factors that I feel are important in a relationship:

1) Brains
2) Personality
3) Doesn't talk all the time to a point where I'm saying in my head "Oh please shut the fucck up!"
4) Can put up with me playing loud Heavy Metal

thedrowner

WWM, if your woman's on boards.ie she's gonna be one happy lady
or else print out a copy of the page and show it to her every time you do somehting wrong and it might fix things

WhiteWashMan

funnily enough she is on boards and she has read this
and then she told me all the things about me that she loves me for and i felt all squishy inside

TwoShedsJackson

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
funnily enough she is on boards and she has read this
and then she told me all the things about me that she loves me for and i felt all squishy inside

Ergh - pass the flippin' sick bucket!!

DapperGent

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
funnily enough she is on boards and she has read this
and then she told me all the things about me that she loves me for and i felt all squishy inside

Isn't there some kind of law against posting this kind of sick twisted ****?

thegills

WWM - If your g/f wasn't on Boards would you have written that drivel. As this thread has shown, what you may thing is gorgeous, other's may think not.

I saw a documentary on this once and the presenters aked the audience to select the best features of about 5 women - Julia Roberst lips, Michele Pfeifers cheekbones, etc., they then merged them into one face and the result was horrific. Looks are important full stop. Why go out with an ugly, intelligent, smart, and witty person when you could find a beautiful, intelligent, smart, and witty person. The problem is that you would usually have to be reasonably decent looking yourself to get their attention in the first place.
I have friends with ugly partners and they alsways say that looks don't count - its only because they don't stand a chance in hell of scoring a decent looking partner - the opposite applies to my good-looking friends.

When I was in college all the lads decended on the good-looking girls. As we were all in the same class we all had a similiar level of intelligence so looks were the only dividing factor.