Doctor's laughs

Benbaz · 02-10-2002 11:15am #1

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby
in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

- Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio,TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

- Dr. Richard Byrnes Seattle, WA

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

- Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,

"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested. There was silence.

He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing
there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish
the exam.

- Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. "Which one ?" I asked. "The patch. The
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out of places to put it !" I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty
patches on his body ! Now the instructions include removal of the old
patch before applying a new one.

- Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
have you been bedridden ?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered ..."Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."

- Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning ?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I
then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labelled "KY Jelly."

- Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman
with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on
the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been
dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note
on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."