Bullying: if you see someone getting...

Johnny_the_fox

I get the bus to University.... on the route, school children are collected. For the last couple of weeks, I have watched a schoolboy, getting things thrown at him, name calling etc

Fair play to him, he ignores them

But I feel like going over and warning theses 'cubs' to wise up etc.
if I do anything, someday it might make the situation worst
But in the other hand, it is not any of my business...

So, What do you do if you see some being bullied?

Mutz

My Reaction would be to get involved and embarress the shíte out of the offenders, but the bullies would just get him again later so its probably just best off to let him fend for himself.

Besides if you did interfere, some onlooker might get the wrong impression and scream rape or something absurd.......

ykt0di9url7bc3

contact the school...

I get the bus to University.... on the route, school children are collected. For the last couple of weeks, I have watched a schoolboy, getting things thrown at him, name calling etc

I'd say its a busy time of the day with cars coming and going, it should be better supervised, bonus: it would stop the kids messing or get them caught in the act!

DadaKopf

On a neighbourhood schoolrun I was part of, I realised that one of my neighbours' kids was being bullied - he was about 8. Because of personal experience, I noticed the signs. Instead of threatening the boys whose names this kid gave me, I went to his classroom and spoke to the teacher. To the best of my knowledge, the bullying stopped. His symptoms certainly disappeared.

I found this was the fairest and best thing to do. My suggestion to you is to go to the kid's school and talk to the principal and/or teacher. The opportunity might arise where you can speak to the kid and get his name, say to him you'll tell the teacher and if that doesn't work you'll threaten the bullies themselves.

Because you've no connection to him, it'll be hard to do this but I worry that some stranger coming up to the bullies might not improve matters for the kid at all. Preventing bullying requires constant vigilance by the right people.

Jak

If you are really looking to intervene ... bully the bullies.

I know it is not the pc way of settling the issue. But you do not involve the kid being bullied and you make the bullies look like the lil kids they are. In my experience making someone face up to the fact they are more talk than action in front of others will usually demolish their aggressive tendencies, if for no other reasons than the fact they lose credibility and their support dies away.

I coached a few sports and in a couple of cases where I noticed bullying I just bullied the bullies. It is not always right (and I no longer coach) but the odd slap and a talk after can often make people realise exactly what is wrong with bullying others.

And even if they are still angry kids, a loss of credibility and assumed authority will take away most of their ability to bully others again.

JAK

logic1

Originally posted by Jak
If you are really looking to intervene ... bully the bullies.

I know it is not the pc way of settling the issue. But you do not involve the kid being bullied and you make the bullies look like the lil kids they are. In my experience making someone face up to the fact they are more talk than action in front of others will usually demolish their aggressive tendencies, if for no other reasons than the fact they lose credibility and their support dies away.

JAK

I don't know Jak. Alot of times kids tend to bully because they have personal issues in their own life they can't or don't yet know how to deal with. Bullying gives them an avenue to channel their aggression out towards someone else and make them feel better about themselves. Alot of times if you bully the bully it'll only make their sense of self worth and self esteem dive lower and the bullying they carry out against outhers will continue with increased intensity.

I've never been bullied but I have stopped other kids bullying but they were the same age as me at the time so we were a peer group. Someone older intervening can often cause alot more problems. I think the bests olution is as Dadakopf said talk to their teacher or even ring the headmaster of the school.

All in all a very tricky situation.

.logic.

Dr. Loon

Originally posted by Jak
If you are really looking to intervene ... bully the bullies.

It is not always right (and I no longer coach) but the odd slap and a talk after can often make people realise exactly what is wrong with bullying others.

And even if they are still angry kids, a loss of credibility and assumed authority will take away most of their ability to bully others again.

JAK

Right..... so on a public bus. Get up, go over, and start slapping some kids around. That would go down just super!! Don't be rediculous.

Speak to the school and they should sort it out.

hedgetrimmer

As a previous victim of bullying throughout my school days, I don't a confrontational approach would really be a good thing. As regards approaching the school, unless you know the names of those involved, there is little the school can do "Some bloke is getting bullied on the bus" doesn't really give them enough to act upon.

The one who is suffering here is the kid. I know from my own time, if someone had said a kind word, or given me hope that all people aren't really horrible and that I was worth something, then it would have been an awful lot easier to deal with. Sit next to the kid. Or talk to him if you can, let him know that you think the bullies are assholes and that he seems ok. If you can do that, however subtly, I tell you that confidence boost will keep the victim floating high, and even give him enough confidance eventually to do soemthing about it himself

Jak

Originally posted by Dr. Loon
Right..... so on a public bus. Get up, go over, and start slapping some kids around. That would go down just super!! Don't be rediculous.

Speak to the school and they should sort it out.

I am not saying to go over and beat them senseless ffs. Try not to jump to the extreme scenario to make an easy point.

But be it verbal or even slightly physical - forcing a bully or someone like that to back down in front of others does work in my experience.

Also, in most cases the school will already know - do you really think the bullying is restricted to the bus?

thedrowner

you'll probably have heard them calling his name, and each other's name on the bus so you'll at least ahve that to go on. I'd agree with the people who said tell the school, at least a decent school will get involved. and that sitting next to him thing would probably be nice too.

unfortunately, some schools really dont care. A friend was in a certain school, and was bullied, and when his mother spoke to the headmaster he said 'boys will be boys'. this is disgraceful. The bullying has caused major repurcussions in his life, and he see's a councilor and his been on anti d's coz of this.

but at least tell the school so that if they do care, they may do something abut it.

BEAT

I might sit next to the kid who is being bullied whenever I saw him on the bus, make conversation with him, laugh and show the others that they are not affecting him, infact make it that he seems to be more interesting than they do having your company and what seems to be a good laugh, make like you are laughing at them if they attempt to act silly while your having your conversation...if he continues to smirk at them and act as if they are ridiculous when they do these things perhaps they will get tired and give up, move on to someone else or something.

or, get a really cute girl to sit next to him and flirt...have her give him her phone number so the others can see...make them a bit jealous or something along those lines, a peck on the cheek or something....

just some ideas...btw, telling the school will only make it worse for the boy once the boys get a chance to take that out on him as well, confronting the boys will only make it worse..unless you can scare them into not bothering him, lol the only way is to let them see they are wasting thier time like, ya know? make them feel silly for acting silly..etc...

Chowmein

Just sit beside the kid, and when the bullys started at him turn around and yell at them as if you tought they where talking to you.

Defenistrator

My "little" brother (the guy is now 6'10") was bullied ONCE in primary school, I was going to secondary just round the corner, and we used to meet up. I cornered the bullies and told them that if they kept picking on my Bro, I would strangle them with their own intestines. The bulling stopped.

we have a good chuckel about it every now and then!

D.

Yurmasyurda

I would threathen to kill the bullies, that might scare the ****e out of them!!!

hedgetrimmer

There has been a lot of talking here about scaring the bullies

In my experience, Bullies do what they do out of a sense on inadequacy, inferioity complex, bad domestic situation, or any number of a host of siutations and states of mind that eat away at their self confidance. If you direct a negative emotion, suchas anger, to someone with low self esteem, they generally internalise it and it adds to tehir own verification that they are not worht much.

Do this to someone who had a tendancy to bully, and sure, they might leave this specific kid alone for genuine fear of retribution, but you don't allay the problem - you merely redirect the bully not another innocent victim.

The bully will not stop being a bully until he or she deals with whatever situation he/ she needs to deal with. I still am of the opnion that what neds to be focussed on is the victim and how to boost his confidence. I reall like BEAT's idea of getting someone to flirt with him...that would, I think, really work well!

the Guru

Have you ever been bullied do you know how it feels

The reason the kid dosent say anything is beacuse he is scared

Should you do some thing yes ............ get even

Jak

"Put a girl beside him on the bus"

Nice thought, but I don't think it would help or deter the bullies into thinking 'wow what a cool kid he is clearly going out with a 25 year old' - and besides it is just toying with the kid in a kind of unfair way.

The suggestion of sitting beside him and if they continue shouting abuse, rounding on them as if you believed they were harassing 'you' is a good one I reckon. And fits with what i was suggesting - direct intervention on his behalf rarely works I feel, but an indirect action which forces the bullies to back down in front of neutral parties really can work in my experience.

That said, I was bullied for one year the year after I joined a new school. It was not very nice, to be blunt it was a miserable year and someone did contact the school on my behalf which made no difference. What eventually did, and I think a lot of people will have had similar experiences was I ended up fighting with a lot of the kids I had problems with - and in most cases subsequently became best friends - a number even to this date. We generally laugh about it now - we were only 8 or 9 anyhows.

As a side note, I had one friend whose older brother intervened (was in the senior school) on his behalf and threatened one particular bully. Not only did the bullying stop - but the bully in question ceased to be a bully and sorted himself out to become a decent kid.

Kids are resilient creatures, and school is not always easy. Now maybe bullying has gotten more severe (and i would accept the point that there are dangerous extremes now) - but there is a case for 'boys will be boys' and let them work certain things out themselves. Obviously if you have a genuine concern that the bullying is potentially a real threat then intervene - but given time most kids will find their way out - through new friends and their own protective group. That combined with the bullies gradually growing up will usually sort things out.

Defenistrator

There has been a lot of talking here about scaring the bullies

let's face it, the person being bullied deserves a break, whether or not you are adding to the problems of the person who is doing the bullying is beside the point. let's not start feeling sorry for bullies.

what you are saying is that the bully has issues they cannot cope with, but that is not the problem of the person being bullied, but of the parents/guardians. However, they are not always aware of the problems their children have, and their anger/frustration should not be vented on others.....EVER!

so next time someone decides to prey on someone I care about (or don't care about for that matter), then YES,they will be scared shïtless, easy peasy!

D.

hedgetrimmer

Yes I was the victim of bullting before, and since have counselled a number of people regarding the issue of bullying, and a few recently in the workplace, where I am currently welfare officer

I stand by my statements that making the bully afraid is not the solution. The victims confidance needs to be boosted so he/she can stand up to the bully on his/her OWN terms. That would be much better solution. I have done this in the past, and the bully even opened up to me about his problems!