help!

LegacyUser

Right, I feel a fool posting to an Internet agony-aunt board, but I'm desperate for advice.

Background: I'm a quiet, introverted guy with cynical tendencies. I'm in my second year of college in Dublin. Because of a few trivial events in my mid-teens that I blew out of all proportion in my mind I am mistrustful of the entire female species and am pathetic in my relations with them. Looks-wise I have never had any reason to believe I was anything but unattractive.

OK, a whlie ago I was in a club in Dublin at a freshers week event, talking to a friend of mine, when this girl i knew in passing from secondary school came up to me, drew me aside, and started gushing about how nice a guy I was, and went over times we ran into each other over sixth year (I told her she left stuff outside her locker, that kind of thing). She said I was the "nicest guy [she] ever met".

There are several possible interpretations to put on this.

A) She's a fresher and needs friends, so she latched on to me because i'm a somewhat familiar face. She was kind of drunk so she said some stupid **** to win me over.

She's just a really nice person who said that stuff naively without thinking about the interpretation a guy could put on it.

C) She actually likes me.

Being a drunk idiot I chose interpretation C at the time. I put my arm around her but not having the courage to take "the lunge" (She is stunning), I kissed her on the neck and cheek. I melted. Said a lot of stupid fluffy ****. (But not as bad as what she said.)

While this was happening another girl tapped me on the shoulder and said "Will you fall in love with me too!?". I presumed that this was one of her friends taking the piss at how quickly I turned into a drooling idiot, but now I know better. I'll return to this point shortly.

Anyway Girl A had to get a nightlink, so she took my phone off me and gave me her phone number.

After a few days i worked up the courage to send her a text and ask her to go for a cup of coffee. It was kind of awkward - it took her ages to reply to some of the texts - I hate that waiting period. Eventually we went for coffee. It was a bit of an anticlimax. She seemed very stressed out at college - said she was "shy" (wtf?) and finding it hard to talk to people in her class. In the end she had to run off to catch a lecture. She said we should "do lunch" again. I hate that phrase.

A few nights later i was in a bar and by coincidence so was she. I was on my way to a club with friends. I promised I'd text her later that night to let her know where we were etc. I didn't.

After the club I ended up in a party at some flat. It was about 4am when it was over. I was in no state to walk home so I accepted the offer of a sleeping bag on the floor. There was another girl there too, whose name I didn't even know. She came on to me quite blatantly. Alcohol and hormones took over. Events took their natural course. I now know that she's in my class (it's big, over 100 people, so I dont know half of it) and I'm almost positive that she is the girl whom i presumed to be the first girl's friend and taking the piss out of me on the first night.

The following morning I panicked. The girl was wearing my jumper (!) so I had to wake her up to get it off her. I ran. I realise now that these are the actions of a prick. I didnt want to hurt the girl but I didnt know what the f*** to do.

Since then (it's been 4 nights) I havent been in contact with either. I'm not even certain of the second girl's name. I'm not writing thsi to boast or anything. As I said, I'm pathetic with women. I can barely even talk to them. I have some sort of complex I think. This sort of thing generally doesn;t happen to people like me.

I really like the first girl. (On a physical level anyway, personality wise I have some reservations, but overall she seems to be really nice and open.) I don't know the second. I don't know if they know each other. I don't want to hurt either.

This is a "nice problem to have" I know. But I can't work or study or even think straight while all this stuff is buzzing around my head. Writing it down helps a bit though.

PS If anyone i know reads this please keep your trap shut

thedrowner

if you like girl A then u should just tell her, text her again or whatever. if she knocks u back, move on, it not then thats cool give it a go

we all over interpret things, espcecially where crushes are concerned. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. |No one can tell u whats going on inside the head of girl A, and there is no point torturing yourself over it (even though its human nature to do it), so just keep in contact with her and see what happens, let her know youre interested

also, stay the hell away form that girl in yer class....run if u see her coming

STaN

if you want to know girl B's name, ask for her number when you see her, and ask her how u spell it, a good trick

if they know each other, they might or might not talk about it... like say you start seeing girl A and girl B see's this, she can tell girl A and both of them think your a bastard and your pretty much screwed with those 2, or she could just keep her mouth shut out of respect

(not v.helpful)

but always remember..

Matfinn

i have had that situation (where the girl came upto you in a nightclub and started talking to you) kind of happen to me once recently. My brother was in the pub talking to a girl I know who is seen as one of the better looking local women in my area. He told me that she was 'singing my praise' as he put it, which I found strange, but I never saw that this girl had an interest in me at all, at any level.

My best advice to you is to try to get in contact with girl 'A', but maybe in a little while. Meetings with the girl in question can be a very nerve wracking experience. When you ring this girl, does she seem delighted or was she more weary? I think definitely you should keep meeeting and texting her. If she was willing to meet you under normal circumstances ( ie: when she wasnt deranged drunk ), then I think you have a good chance. Give it time to allow the girl 'B' situation to fizzle out, but dont leave it too long as she might think your not interested. I hope that advice helps, and i wish you the best of luck with this one.

Matt

WhiteWashMan

whats yer problem exactly?

your in college to learn, and that includes socially, physically and emotionally.
if you like someone, then do it. else you will regret.
if you are with someone else, then you obviously dont like girl a that much.
or you are hedging your bets.

which is what we all do in that situation.

you could try talking to these people instead of wallowing in self doubt. at least, if you get a bollocking, you wont be worried anymore

yourea student, youre suppose to get drunk, sleep with as many people you can (of either sex, students dont discriminate!) get drunk more, jam your way througha degree and then enter the real world.
enjoy it while youa re there.
its the last time you will get summer holidays....

Saruman

Lets see.. you have had 2 women recently.. one at least is a stunner, not sure about the second as you did not mention it.. And your problem is what?? Your getting more than some people who dont have confidence issures like you do.

Victor

Most people find the move to college difficult, they are more self-conscious than children are when they change school or when and older person changes job. This is why girl A was chatting to you, most likely. She may or may not be interested.

With girl B, one way (has to be done carefully) of getting her name is to ask her for her number and as you are entering it one your phone ask her what her "full name" is.

I'd say have a go for girl B, but keep in contact with girl A.

Remember what Chef (Southpark) says, their is a place to experiment with drugs and sex, and that place is called college. Many people do, most try something, some try a lot, some try a little.

Remember offers of free food, drink, stuff, lodging or entertainment are generally going to be accepted by all students.