confused about internet chatting !!

LegacyUser

Just wondering if anybody has an opinion on chatting. I chat regularly to people my own age and have never met anyone. I'm married with kids and not interested in meeting anyone.

However, here's the problem - I get to know people well (if that's possible from chatting) and all of a sudden they disappear and I end up climbing the walls wondering if they're ok. I know it's not rational but can't explain it. I was chatting to one man for over a year and then NOTHING - no contact, despite several e-mails.

Can anyone explain why people suddenly stop chatting. I'd welcome any insight into this.

Thanks

Makaveli

Maybe they dont have an internet connection anymore.

LegacyUser

Thanks for reply.......but even if they don't have internet access anymore.......it doesn't take a genius to go into an internet café and send an e-mail........or does it???

I just think it's plain rude to sever all links without an explanation. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's just me.

phreak

maybe they changed their e-mail address and forgot to inform you.

LegacyUser

Excuses excuses !!!

I think they're just being rude and it's not very nice.

Any female opinion on this??

Cake Fiend

It's very easy not to think of people in a chat room as real people. Maybe they don't think you care whether or not they keep in touch.

PiE

He realised you were "married with kids and not interested in meeting anyone"

Duh.

Dun

Originally posted by mature female
I was chatting to one man for over a year and then NOTHING - no contact, despite several e-mails.

Can anyone explain why people suddenly stop chatting. I'd welcome any insight into this.

I'm guilty of doing this - but I was getting freaked out, cause I can't really understand how someone can get so obsessive or clingy to someone without even knowing them offline, or not knowing if they are who they say they are.

So I kinda just hid and kept quiet

I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but the whole experience was so wierd for me that I just couldn't think of anything else to do. I don't think the other person knew she was having this effect though.

Beruthiel

womans point of view (which is really no different to the above)

I would have to say that I don't tend to see people on the net as 100% real either, when we had our boards.ie piss up I was able to put names on peoples faces, they suddenly became human beings (well.... most of them )
anyway, are you not asking yourself why you are so upset about this guy not keeping in contact in the first place?? Sounds a tad obsessive to me which maybe he picked up on too?? other than perhaps thinking to myself that I haven't seen an individual on the forum for a while I wouldn't tend to think further than that, as I would have no clue what is happening to that person in real life and it could be a multitude of things.

Makaveli

Anyway, surely you have friends in real life.
People get bored of stuff online, I find I do anyway.
I used to use IRC all the time, now I havent touched it in well over a year.
Also, as said, maybe they thought you were getting a little too obsessive and decided to back off.
As you said, you sent several e-mails after the contact stopped.
Meeting people electronically is all well and good just dont get too attached, then you wont feel bad when the contact stops, because, unless you meet up with them in real life, the contact will eventually stop.
It's not really rude, technically they dont know who you are.

Shinji

I've seen people decide that they were using the net too much (for whatever reason) and sever their links with everyone they know online very suddenly, without any explanation. This may be what's happened here - and yes, I agree, it's downright fucking rude and thoughtless. I suppose some people just make stronger attachments online than others; I know that for some, the lack of physical, face to face contact on a regular basis makes them feel very detached from people they may actually be speaking to for hours every day, more than they would with most people they consider friends in "real life"! That's an unfortunate situation, because for others who don't see that as a barrier to friendship, this can lead to some pretty nasty misunderstandings - quite possibly a bit like the one you're experiencing.

Jak

Yah tis a strange net world thing really.

I have met lots of people on the net - through games or just slacking on IRC during work. There are some who I know personally who are in a different category because of that, but there are quite a few who I have never met - and until I do they remain in a sort of limbo category.

Recently I quit a particular game I had played for a couple years - and while I did say goodbye to some folks - there were quite a few who I never said anything to. I was in contact with one a little while back who had thought maybe I had been killed in an accident :rolleyes:

I suppose sometimes we all get to know people in this bizarre little medium without realising the impact we might have on others. It is rare to make 'friends' whom you can just switch off with impunity. But that is what can happen.

Situations change, life moves on a bit, and people I have never met in real life fall pretty far down the list when it comes to keeping correspondence.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Chatting is cool, as long as you don't get to involved, you have to realize that its "just" internet, how sad this may sound, but so true. You can never compare so called internet friends to real life friends.... I know what I'm talking about, I thought I was in love with some guy on the net, I am married too, was head over heels, gosh now I realize how much time I wasted, waiting for him to show up, checking email every 10 minutes..... After a couple of months he disappeared too, just like that, it was hard, but I survived..... The only thing I don't understand is, why people hide and run away, but I guess thats the "charm" of internet *sigh*

po0k

http://www.yorema.com/displayquote.asp

#fortress.ie ign.ie.quakenet.org


seems to be down at the moment

seamus

I've thought about that actually.....if I dropped down dead tomorrow, how many people would actually notice I wasn't posting anymore? Of course you'd all know I was dead, what with the high-profile funeral, and all the weeping virgins maidens by my graveside

RainyDay

Can anyone explain why people suddenly stop chatting

Maybe his wife caught him and disconnected his modem!

Victor

Yeah, many people loose contact like this. Maybe they moved (country!), maybe they have a new relationship or are very busy at work. Maybe they have had a family emergency.

Maybe they suffer from illness or had an accident. While it is nice to think that you care for them, I think you are worrying too much.

Originally posted by seamus
what with the high-profile funeral, and all the weeping virgins maidens by my graveside

Just shows you haven't got anywhere with them

claire h

Basically what everyone else said....

People have different views on meeting people online. Some people take it very seriously - and very often you find yourself getting closer to people online than people in real life, because it can be easier to talk to them - and some people think it's sad to think of people you meet online as 'real' friends. If you're the former and someone else is the latter, then it leads to situations like this. It is rude, but it's just due to different opinions on something, that's all.

Victor

Originally posted by claire h
People have different views on meeting people online. Some people take it very seriously - and very often you find yourself getting closer to people online than people in real life, because it can be easier to talk to them

Yeah, most people will say things online that they would never say in real life, simply because the net gives them a feeling of invulnerability / low risk of getting 'caught'.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. I just want to clarify a few things:

1. I only started chatting for a laugh - it was never serious.

2. I got to know this man really well and only used to talk about family related issues, such as kids etc.

3. We only chatted once a week - not every night.

Maybe I feel let down - sorry if that sounds sad - but it's true. And I'm dying to know if everything is ok. If that's abnormal - lock me up and throw away the key.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

ButcherOfNog

did this happen around the start of school term? he prolly isn't allowed online by this parents now that hes just gone into secondary school .... homework and all. seriously

TwoShedsJackson

Maybe he decided you were a pain in the ar$e and decided to ignore you??