Popping the question. ADVICE PLEASE.

nillis

Okay, so I am a 20 year old male college student who is desperately in need of some decent advice. Yes of course it is about a female.

I am in a situation which is new to me and I do not know how to deal with it. I have met a girl in one of my classes that I am very interested in. I have had conversations with her but they are always about class or college issues. I want to ask her out but do not know the best way to do it. I am frustrated because most of the women I have become involved with I met in bars or clubs. You all know how the social scene for young people in Ireland is all about going out at night. Because of this I have become very good at hooking up with girls in that environment and totally useless doing it in any other place or time.

I get the feeling she is interested in me because I am getting all the hints, but I just feel like a hopeless git who is powerless in the situation. I want to pop the question without looking like a fool. During a conversation about Biology or exams you can't just say, "Hey I find you very attractive, would you like to go out some time?" That is just waaaay too corny. Some advice would be greatly appreciated.

I can't talk to my mates about this because they would take the piss and tell me to stop being such a wimp. Please help.

TwoShedsJackson

Just steer a conversation around to the subject of socialising then ask her if she wants to go for a pint. If that fails, roofies are your friend!!

Mr E

Bad taste, pal. I know someone who had her drink spiked and its a terrifying experience. I wouldn't even joke about it.

- Dave.

Evil Jose

Bite the bullet and just do it,man!! You'll get nowhere in life if you don't learn to just swallow hard and take the plunge. Whats the worst that could happen??!

The Sweeper

Originally posted by TwoShedsJackson
Just steer a conversation around to the subject of socialising then ask her if she wants to go for a pint.

Would you look at that. He discovers there's a G in the alphabet and now he's a freakin expert.

sceptre

Originally posted by nillis
During a conversation about Biology or exams you can't just say, "Hey I find you very attractive, would you like to go out some time?"

Why the hell not?

DeVore

God I'm SOOOO bad at this in practise that I never even spot the signs. Mates of mine around the table have leaned over and smacked me when a girl who was interested in me went to the toilet. Apparently it was blatantly obvious to them but not to me.

So, with those credentials in place. Here's my advice.

I've found women like to be relaxed and comfortable. At ease with men they are around. Hence most women like men who make them laugh. No, I'm not going to suggest comedy leasons.

However if you are all being clutzy and tongue tied its not going to make her feel comfortable around you.

Here's DeV's Dating Tip #1.
She' almost certainly already knows you want to date her. Trust me, women are like radars for this sort of thing compared to most men. So she's just waiting to see if you have the cajones to ask her. So ask her.
The mature, direct approach works for me cos its the only way I know. Not that I've tons of time at bat but I've found women like you to be relaxed and honest with them. It makes them feel relaxed. See above points.
It will probably clear the air anyway.

Do you share anything in common? a hobby? an interest?
Perhaps find a social event you both like and suggest going together. If she says no and offers nothing else, then you are outta luck but the friendship is intact. If she says yes.... buy protection (Joking! I never end up sleeping with someone on the first date).

So, from a bachelor in his 30's theres my advice. Probably best to ignore it

DeV.

nillis

Well thats advice. I already know thethings that you mentioned about woman and how they like to feel around men. I have never had problems meeting girls or getting dates, the thing is that I am so used to making the first contacts in a nightlife setting.

For example, you are in a bar with your mates checking out the ladies and having a few jars. You spot a nice girl and you go give her a few lines of chat, no problem, if she seems interested you keep going and if not you finsh up the conversation and tell her you hope her and her friends have a good night. So you tried and she 's not interested, no big deal because you will never see the chick again and you probably weren't that mad about her anyway.

How that relates to my problem is that I ask the girl out and she says no I will have to look at her until May. Now I could ask her in May but that would be ridiculous to wait so long. Besides maybe she is single now and someone else will snatch her in the meantime.

Kell

Personally, I would just go for it. There is nothing to be gained from procrastinating about it so you could just plum for the

"Doing anything this weekend? Fancy a jar?" approach. You could get "yeah, I was just thinking the same way myself" in which case you're onto a winner- especially if you have been reading the "signs" right.

Nevyn

Why not try buying her a cup of coffe /hot beverage of her choice and a danish/muffin ?

puts you both in a less perssurised place then a pub , there is an easy exit you can drink up your coffe and scram if you feel the need to instead of sitting there with a full pint thinking gods how am i to get out of here.

Also the muffin thing means that you can wait till she has her mouth full before asking her out on a " reall" date. That way she cant interupt, will have time to think as she clears her gob only draw back really that she may spit it out all over the table or she could choke . hey but if she chokes you can save her


that way it is only a coffee ...

but pick a quiet spot or a time when there is not going to be a lot of mates in the place dont want some one sitting down and taking over the converstion.

Good Luck

ToxicPaddy

Originally posted by Thaed


Also the muffin thing means that you can wait till she has her mouth full before asking her out on a " reall" date. That way she cant interupt, will have time to think as she clears her gob only draw back really that she may spit it out all over the table or she could choke . hey but if she chokes you can save her

Jeez, thats one way to use a loaded muffin..

Would this have been a past experience of yours..????

Typedef

Originally posted by Thaed
Why not try buying her a cup of coffe /hot beverage of her choice and a danish/muffin ?

puts you both in a less perssurised place then a pub , there is an easy exit you can drink up your coffe and scram if you feel the need to instead of sitting there with a full pint thinking gods how am i to get out of here.

Plus if you actually do hit it off, you have the prospect of amourous physical relations whilst sober (I realise this concept is a misnomer for a significant portion of the young Irish population). This is good because if the sex is good, you might actually remember it. This is also desirable because it's means that being drunk and not entirely lucid is not the only time you can hook up with a chick doubleplusgood.

Hence you broaden your horizons for picking up talent from exclusively the pub, to other (n) places. This also means that you don't just end up with some easy chick, as when you are sober you can judge much better what sort of action you desire betwixt thine sheets, perhaps even on a (shock) regular basis. A basis not requiring copious amounts of alochol and vast amounts of cash spent on nights out.*

*note I do not necessarily subscribe to this advice. Kudos to me

nanook

gotta say its a toughie, either to ask or not.

If you ask and she says yes you sorta think why did i waste time and not do this sooner, if you ask and she says no you think why did i ask but at the end of the day ask, the worst is no the best is yes.

Dont worry about the fact of what if she say's no i will have to face her till may, that is not even an option, if you dont work yourself up to a stress it will be a nice relaxed offer of a drink, coffee etc and why would she refuse.

I have noticed one thing lately, ppl are getting into the fact of looking at the person and getting to know them,

My advice, go for it with a gently approach and see what happens.

Nevyn

the muffin thing is a ploy that has served me well on many occasions


yes people are spening more time getting to know who they are intrested in.

With the way things are with HIV and Std oh sorry they are merely infections now Stis the only way to be sure of regular safe sex is to be in realtionship and it goes a lot easier if you like the person and can talk with them rather then just be falling into bed when you are both drunk.

Sex and excess drink is never a happy combo, where as coffee is a stimulant.

plus if you do hit it off and it goes in a bedroom direction you can makeher a cuppa the next morning and get extra brownie points for being able to do so with out asking how she likes it